


Remember and Be Sad

by kethni



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-04-16 09:19:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 49,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14161656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni
Summary: ‘I was very sorry to hear about your husband,’ Kent said.Sue stiffened. ‘How did you know about that?’He shrugged. ‘It’s hardly a secret. I did send you a card, but I imagine you received hundreds as we did.’





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For crazymaryt with thanks for the request and all the suggestions
> 
> Remember me when I am gone away,  
> Gone far away into the silent land;  
> When you can no more hold me by the hand,  
> Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay. 
> 
> Remember me when no more day by day  
> You tell me of our future that you plann’d:  
> Only remember me; you understand  
> It will be late to counsel then or pray. 
> 
> Yet if you should forget me for a while  
> And afterwards remember, do not grieve:  
> For if the darkness and corruption leave  
> A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,  
> Better by far you should forget and smile  
> Than that you should remember and be sad. 
> 
> ~ Christina Rossetti

Prologue

January

 

Doug was a being a pain in the ass. As Sue reached into the refrigerator to get her sandwiches, he pinched her butt. She looked over her shoulder at him.

He looked innocent.

As she moved around to the coffee machine, he gently tugged her ponytail.

‘Stop it,’ she said.

‘Stop what?’

Sue put her hand on her hip. ‘You think that you’re cute but you’re not.’

‘I think you’re cute,’ he said.

She pointed at the door. ‘Go to work.’

‘I’m making dinner tonight,’ he said, putting on his jacket.

‘I’ll be late,’ Sue said. ‘POTUS has her big policy announcement.’

Doug kissed her. ‘I know. I’ll keep your dinner warm for you. Because I’m a good little husband that way.’

‘A good little husband would talk less,’ she said.

It was a brisk walk for Sue to reach the West Wing. She could have driven, they had a car, but Sue enjoyed the walk, and besides it would have been an appalling waste of money when they were trying to save for a larger house.

On the way she bought a take-out coffee and rolled her eyes at a typically ridiculous message from Doug. His commuter train trip took longer than her walk, and he often amused himself by texting her ridiculous observations of his fellow passengers.

It was odd then that she didn’t receive any other texts from him. Not on the remainder of the walk. Not when Sue began work. She sent him a quick message to check there wasn’t a problem. He didn’t reply.

‘Shit,’ Candi said. ‘This is going to completely wipe POTUS off the front page.’

‘What is it?’ Sue asked.

‘A commuter train derailed right out of Union Station.’ Candi shook her head. ‘Pain in the ass.’

Sue felt nausea wash up into her mouth. ‘Which train?’

 

 

Chapter One

April

She didn’t need the alarm. She always woke before it. She had bought blackout curtains, but they didn’t help. The clock said 03:18.

There was no light in the room except the clock.

There was the heavy and reassuring weight beside her. The sound of breathing.

She tried to get to sleep. She hadn’t use her sleeping pills. She tried not to depend on them. She tried not to depend on anything but herself.

***

She wasn’t going to drink until four in the afternoon. She told herself that as she brushed her teeth.

She wasn’t going to drink until three-thirty in the afternoon. She told herself that as she had her coffee break.

She would only have one glass of wine at lunch.

She would only have two glasses when she got home.

She wouldn’t get drunk.

She wouldn’t finish the bottle.

***

There was a pigeon on the window sill. Sue watched it peck idly at the brick a few times and then turned around.

‘If you’re not willing to talk to me then I’m unsure what I do for you.’

Sue looked at him. He was looking at her over the top of his glasses. A ridiculous affectation.

‘I got a dog,’ she said.

‘Tell me about it.’

‘He’s a dog.’ Sue said. ‘An Afghan hound mix.’

‘What’s his name? How old is he?’

Sue shifted in her seat. ‘His name in Rochester. He’s four months old.’

He nodded encouragingly. ‘Do you find him comforting?’

‘I find him burdensome,’ Sue said. ‘I had to get him trained. I have to walk him. I have to clear up his mess. I have to take him to work with me. It is costly and tiresome.’

He tilted his head. ‘Sue, this is me. We’ve been working together four months now. When I hear you complaining about a puppy, I have to wonder what you’re not telling me. It’s another deflection. Just like staring out the window or telling me that it’s not your choice to be here.’

‘It’s not,’ she said.

There was a bark and a whimper from outside the room. Sue sighed.

‘Rochester?’

‘I believe so.’ Sue crossed her legs. ‘I was unable to find a sitter. Your receptionist volunteered.’

‘You can’t leave him at home?’

Sue almost sneered at him. ‘You recommended I get a dog. It’s very bad for their mental health to be left alone, especially as puppies. You should know that.’

‘I’m not a dog psychiatrist,’ he said mildly.

‘You should know if you’re going to recommend getting a puppy to your patients.’

He leaned back in his chair. ‘Sue, am I the one you’re angry at?’

‘At the moment, yes. You rescheduled me at short notice and you are prodding at me.’

‘Prodding at you is my job,’ he said. ‘I can’t sign you off just because you won’t cooperate.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘I cooperate. I got a dog.’

He smiled. ‘Where does Rochester sleep?’

She stiffened. ‘ln my bedroom.’

‘On the bed?’ he asked lightly.

‘I don’t see how that matters.”

He made a note. ‘It matters.’

At the end of the session, Sue walked towards reception. There were a number of rooms in the corridor for different doctors and apparently for different treatments. One of the rooms had a door painted bright yellow and a large sign that said, “Play Therapy.” Sue shuddered every time she saw it. As an adult therapy was a trial. As a child it would have been torture.

She swung the door to reception open, stepped forward, and stopped. The man fussing with Rochester looked… but no. He was bent over. She had to be mistaken. There was absolutely no reason he would be there. And the thick grey hair was too short. Kent’s was generally almost collar length. This was much shorter.

Rochester bounded over to Sue, barking happily, ears flapping.

‘I fear I may have overexcited your puppy,’ he said, standing up. He blinked. ‘Sue?’

He looked... wrong.

‘Kent?’ she leaned down to pat Rochester on the head. ‘Sit.’

‘I’d rather stand,’ Kent said mildly.

Sue ignored this. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Just waiting for... here he is.’

Sue turned as the door. She was half expecting Ben Cafferty. Instead a doctor ushered in a small boy of about three or four. He had corn blond hair and wide blue eyes. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a picture of a boat on. He looked at Sue warily, and then noticed Rochester.

He gasped audibly. He edged over to Kent and tugged at his hand.

‘Puppy!’ he hissed. ‘It’s a puppy,’ he said, not moving his gaze from Rochester.

‘I see that, Lee,’ Kent said, squatting down next to him.

‘Can I pet the puppy?’ Lee asked.

Kent shrugged. ‘I don’t know. There might be a reason you’re not allowed to. If you ask Mrs Wilson-Levinson, then she’ll tell you if you can pet the puppy.’

Sue opened her mouth, completely baffled, but Kent glanced up and surreptitiously shook his head. Lee chewed his lower lip and glanced at Kent.

‘Just ask her,’ Kent urged gently. ‘She won’t be angry.’

He took a deep breath, squared his little shoulders, and looked up at Sue.

‘Please-can-I-pet-your-puppy-Miss?’ he whispered, and then hid behind Kent.

Sue looked at Kent, wondering if he had some objection, but he simply waited.

‘If you are careful and cautious, then you may pet him,’ she said.

‘Be gentle,’ Kent said.

The little boy nodded and edged towards Rochester.

‘Who’s your friend?’ Sue asked Kent.

‘Lee,’ he said standing up.

Rochester barked softly and licked Lee’s hand. Sue expected excitement or amusement but instead the little boy was very serious and intent.

Lee gently stroked the puppy’s flank.

‘Your dog is very well behaved,’ Kent observed.

Sue was warily watching the boy and the puppy. ‘Certainly. Did you expect anything else from a pet of mine?’

‘Not for a moment.’ Kent glanced at his watch. ‘Would you like to get some lunch and catch up?’

Rochester was wagging his tail and turning circles around Lee.

‘Yes,’ She said. ‘Will your… friend be coming?’

Lee looked up at him. ‘Daddy, need to wash my hands,’ he said, waving them around.

‘Daddy?’ Sue asked.

***

 It was a nice little restaurant. They sat outside, with Rochester at Sue’s feet. Kent gave Lee the children’s menu and the little boy gave it his furrow-browed full attention.

‘Why are you seeing a therapist?’ Sue asked, sipping her glass of water.

‘I’m not.’ Kent looked at her over the top of his menu. ‘Lee is in play therapy.’

Sue looked at the boy. His lips were moving as he read the menu.

‘I see,’ she said. She didn’t. The child was clearly very reserved but seemed calm and coherent.

‘I was very sorry to hear about your husband,’ Kent said.

Sue stiffened. ‘How did you know about that?’

He shrugged. ‘It’s hardly a secret. I did send you a card, but I imagine you received hundreds as we did.’

Lee looked at Kent.

‘Do you know what you want?’ Kent asked.

‘Scrambled egg.’

‘What do you say?’

‘Please.’

Sue crossed her legs. Kent looked good, she supposed. His hair was a little lighter, a little nearer silver than grey. However, he had shaved off his beard. His moustache, always brown rather than grey, was still present but the lack of beard was... disturbing.

‘How did you know about Doug?’ she asked.

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘Was it supposed to be a secret?’

She pursed her lips. ‘I get letters claiming I’m a liar. A government stooge. Why I have no idea. Logic is not evident.’

Kent winced. ‘Yes. I’m familiar.’

A server came to take their order. Lee leaned against Kent, who put an arm around him. It was an automatic, protective gesture.

‘Are you married?’ Sue asked.

Kent gave her an odd look. ‘No.’ He was rubbing Lee’s arm. ‘I didn’t realise you were a dog person.’

‘I’m not,’ she said.

‘But you have a dog?’

‘It wasn’t my idea.’

Lee looked up at Kent. ‘I want a puppy! Please?’

‘We have two cats already,’ Kent said. ‘And a guinea pig. We can’t have a dog as well.’

‘Aww.’ It wasn’t a whine but a soft, sad little noise.

Kent kissed his cheek. Sue stared at him.

‘Am I allowed to ask why you have a dog?’ Kent asked.

‘Am I allowed to ask why you have a son?’ she retorted.

‘My daddy put his penis in my mommy’s vagina and a seed came out and it smooshed into an egg and it made me,’ Lee said.

‘That’s right,’ Kent said. ‘Well remembered.’

‘Smooshed?’ Sue asked, unable to think of anything more helpful to say.

‘The facts get a little technical at that point,’ Kent said.

‘I miss mommy,’ Lee said.

‘I know,’ Kent said with a sigh.

Sue licked her lips. ‘Are you still working with Ben and Dan?’

‘Yes,’ Kent said, opening his backpack. ‘We’re expanding. Considering a second office in New York. Dan and Amy would head that up.’

‘I’m at the West Wing,’ Sue said.

‘I know.’ Kent took out a colouring book and crayons and put them on the table. ‘Traitor.’ He smiled when he said it. A conspiratorial smile.

Sue smiled slightly. ‘I have a greater loyalty to country than party.’

‘Do you even know which party POTUS is?’

Sue took a bite of her salad. ‘I fail to see how that is possibly relevant.’

He shuddered theatrically. ‘That it is terrifying.’

Lee frowned as he struggled to open his drink. Sue automatically took it from him and opened the bottle. She gave it back to him and tried to ignore his shocked look.

‘What do you say?’ Kent prompted gently.

‘Thank you,’ Lee said.

Sue looked at Kent. ‘Is there a problem?’

‘No, it’s fine,’ he said. ‘Lee’s social circle is quite narrow. We’re working on expanding it.’

Although he didn’t say anything. Sue saw a mutinous expression cross Lee’s face.

‘I don’t like people either,’ Sue said to him.

He gave her a tiny smile.

Underneath the table, Rochester shifted position. Kent looked down at him.

‘He’s going to be huge when he’s fully grown,’ he said.

‘I imagine so,’ Sue said. ‘He’s an Afghan cross.’

‘In my day we would call that a mutt,’ Kent said.

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you denying my dog’s individual heritage and using a slur instead?’

Kent chuckled. ‘I’m clearly on the wrong side of history regarding canine identity politics.’

‘Indeed. You should have a long talk with yourself.’

Lee pushed aside his plate and began colouring in a picture of a cartoon unicorn.

‘May I ask why you were at the office?’ Kent asked.

‘No.’ Sue scowled. ‘It’s not my choice. I have to go.’

Kent cocked his head. ‘I never imagined you would go for therapy voluntarily.’

‘You were quite correct to do so.’ She stabbed her fork into her food. ‘HR and my HMO conspired against me.’

Kent sipped his water. ‘You’re being treated for paranoia?’

She gave him a sour look. ‘Are you amusing yourself?’

‘I’m attempting to ameliorate the stressful moment in this conversation,’ Kent said.

Sue looked away, and her gaze fell to the colouring book. Lee was colouring a cartoon unicorn a bright purple.

‘Is that not a female book?’ Sue asked

Kent put his chin on his fist. ‘To the best of my knowledge colouring books do not have a sex.’

Sue’s eyes widened. ‘Should you use that word in front of him?’

Kent shrugged. ‘It’s a perfectly normal word and the appropriate one.’

‘Is gender not more applicable?’

He considered. ‘You may be correct. I will give it some thought. However, I will maintain that colouring books should be available for any children irrespective of their gender expression.’

‘Gender expression, hmm?’ Sue asked.

‘I’m very modern in my viewpoints,’ he said.

‘With the exception of dog identity politics,’ Sue said.

‘Nobody is perfect.’

Lee held up the colouring book. ‘Finished,’ he said.

Kent looked at it with apparent close attention. ‘That is extremely well done. Don’t you think, Sue?’

She flicked him a glance and them looked at the book. ‘Very artistic.’

Lee grinned and turned his attention to the next page.

‘More unicorns,’ Sue observed.

‘This really bothers you,’ Kent said lightly. ‘I also let him play with dolls.’

She pursed her lips. ‘You mean action figures and are attempting to irritate me.’

Kent scratched his forehead. ‘If Barbies are considered to be action figures. Perhaps they should be.’

Sue looked under the table. ‘Odd. You don’t seem to be wearing sandals. Do you plait ribbons in your hair and skip through cornfields?’

‘There aren’t any cornfields in skipping distance.’

‘What does his mother think about this?’ Sue asked.

‘Mommy died in a train crash,’ Lee said, not looking up. ‘The train crashed and mommy died. They put her in a big box and daddy and me chose the dress and shoes for her to wear.’

Sue felt herself go cold. She opened her mouth to say... something.

‘That’s right,’ Kent said to Lee. ‘But you should say daddy and I chose the dress and shoes.’  

‘My husband died in a train crash,’ Sue said.

Lee looked up at her.

‘Sue’s husband was on the same train as mommy,’ Kent said to Lee.

Sue gripped the table. ‘Oh.’

‘I go to play therapy with Charlie and Sophie and Ishmael and Isiah,’ Lee said. ‘Their mommies and daddies were on the train.’

‘There are several groups for survivors and the bereaved families,’ Kent said.

Sue tried to keep the distaste from her face. ‘I haven’t been involved in any of that.’

‘I know,’ Kent said. He shrugged. ‘The children seem to find the therapy helpful.’

Sue crossed her legs. ‘That must be... difficult.’

Kent shrugged. ‘We do our best and move on. I’m sure it’s the same with you.’

Sue squared her shoulders. ‘Certainly.’


	2. Chapter 2

Sue had a pain hammering at the inside of her head. Rochester pawed at her door as she dug the keys out of her bag. Kent had dropped her off a few minutes ago and all the way a tinny and infuriating song had wound out of the tablet that Lee was glued to, when he wasn’t petting Rochester.

There had to be some kind of brain damage that happened to parents. Something that made it possible for them to deal with the whining, the mess, and the infuriating neediness. Sue gave Rochester a pat on the head and a fuss as she took him off the leash. Admittedly Lee had been relatively well behaved in the two hours or so. He was a strangely reserved little boy and yet he talked about his mother’s death at the merest opportunity. He was going to have to grow out of that. It was far too uncomfortable for other people. Grief was not something other people wanted to hear anyone talk about, let alone a small child. Dwelling on it helped nobody. You pushed it down deep, you pretended to forget it, and you moved on.

Sue fed Rochester and poured herself a large glass of wine. She took a large gulp and stared unseeingly at the wall. Doug had mixed feelings about children. Sue disliked them. Doug liked dogs. He had gently nudged Sue a few times about getting one. Or two. Or more. She’d always said no. It wasn’t practical. They both worked.

Rochester licked Sue’s hand. She squeezed her eyes shut. She should have let him get a dog. Two dogs. As many as he wanted. They would have worked it out.

Sue opened her eyes, yanked a wipe out of the box to clean her hands, and scrubbed the tears from her face. This was ridiculous. Pathetic. It had been months. She was sick of it.

The alarm on her cell sounded. She tore it from her pocket. Medication time. Right. Yet another insult. Another sign of weakness.

Sue scowled as she examined her handbag. The bottle should be at the front. She always kept it in the small pocket, where she could easily access it, but nobody could see it. Sue drained her glass and poured another. The bottle had to be here somewhere. She must have put it in the wrong section, that was all. She opened all the sections and checked each one methodically. Nothing. No bottle. No loose pills, not that she ever let loose pills rattle around.

Sue sat back, drank her wine, and tried to retrace her steps. She had it in the morning because she’d taken one before lunch. Had she had them at the therapist’s office? What about the restaurant?

She fired off a text to the therapist. She finished her glass of wine and tried to find a number for the restaurant.

When her cell began to ring she almost dropped it. She squinted at the number. It looked... familiar. Did she know that number? Shit.

‘What?’

‘Hi. It’s Kent,’ he said.

He was probably going to thank her for a lovely dinner, as if they had been on some kind of a date. He used to do that when they were seeing each other. It was bizarre.

‘Yes?’ she asked warily. The hiccup rather ruined the effect.

‘You dropped your anti-depressants in the car,’ he said, sounding a little concerned. ‘I thought you’d need them.’

She groaned. ‘At least they’re not at the restaurant.’

‘I was going to ask if you want to come and get them,’ he said. ‘But it sounds like you’ve started relaxing for the evening.’

Sue pulled a face. ‘I’ll get an Uber. I’ll have to bring Rochester. If he’s lonely then he gets anxious and destroys things.’

‘I know the feeling,’ Kent said. ‘I’ll text you the address.’

‘Did you move?’

She heard him sigh.

‘Of course,' he said. 'I have a small child. They need room to run around and play.’

‘Ew. Gross,’ Sue said.

***

She sent the Uber away without thinking. Well. Maybe he’d give her a coffee or a proper drink. That son of his would probably want to play with the dog.

Rochester barked a welcome when Kent opened the door. Just one soft bark, but it still echoed in her head.

‘We’ll have to put him in the garden,’ Kent said.

‘Too good for my puppy?’ she demanded.

‘We have cats,’ Kent said.

Sue waved her hand. ‘He’s trained not to bother your little smug furballs. He’s good with cats.’

‘My cats don’t know that,’ Kent said. ‘He’d cause them unnecessary stress. You of all people should empathise with their desire not to have loud strangers in their space.’

‘Smart ass,’ Sue grumbled.

Kent held his hand out for the leash. ‘Go sit down. I’ll take him around to the garden.’

She stumbled a little as she walked into the house, but she was confident that Kent didn’t notice.

His living room had the same couch and arm chair as in his old apartment, but there was a large wooden chest she’d never seen before and a ridiculously small armchair. The size that would accommodate a small child.

There were two cats sat on it. Lee was cross-legged on the couch. He was looking at the framed photographs on the wall. There were dozens of them: all showing a suspiciously young blonde, either with Lee or a baby bump. Well, a baby that Sue assumed was Lee. Children all looked the same to her.

‘Isn’t that your chair?’ she asked the boy.

‘I like sitting next to daddy.’

‘Oh.’ Sue sat at the other end of the couch.

He was looking at her now. It was disturbing.

‘Daddy found your pills,’ he said quietly.

She set her jaw. ‘Yes.’

‘I don’t have pills,’ he said.

‘No.’

‘Isiah has pills.’ He got off the sofa. It was quite an event, his legs dangling over the side, slowly clambering down, and went to the shelving unit. He picked up a picture. He brought it back to her.

‘This is mummy. It makes me feel less sad. Do you have a picture?’

She stared at him. Tiny, stupid little boy, babbling nonsense. Making her feel as though he had kicked her in the throat.

‘Yes.’ She fumbled with a phone. ‘Here. That’s... Doug. My husband. That’s him.’ She threw the phone down on the rug.

‘It’s okay.’ Lee scrambled onto the couch and tried to put his arms around her. ‘It’s okay,’

She clenched her hands. Shaking. Trying not to move. Desperate to push him away.

Then she heard the door open and shut.

‘Lee, would you like to go in the back garden and play with the puppy?’ Kent asked gently.

‘Yes, please!’

Sue looked up to see him streak to the back of the house.

‘Your son is a psychopath,’ she said in a thick voice.

‘My son isn’t even four yet,’ Kent said. He gave her a box of tissues. ‘Children that age don’t have a lot of processing power. They feel things very intently, but they’re easily distracted, until the next time they remember it.’

‘He should run for congress.’

Kent chuckled. ‘He is at the age where they start to tell lies. He might do very well.’

Sue blew her nose and avoided looking at him.

‘Why is your cell on the rug?’ he asked, picking it up.

‘Your offspring insisted on showing me a photograph of the foetus that you impregnated. Then he asked if I had a photograph.’ She grabbed another Kleenex to dry her eyes.

Kent clasped his hands together. ‘They’re encouraged to have memory boxes and to look at photographs. It helps them keep a feeling of connection with the parent they’ve lost.’

Sue gave him a sour look. ‘I am not a small child.’

‘Again, he’s three-and-a-half. He’s not entirely equipped with all the tools he needs to deal with a crying woman.’

She sat up straighter. ‘You don’t get to... accuse me of that.’

Kent was quiet for a few seconds. ‘It’s not an accusation, Sue,’ he said gently. ‘I’ll make us a herbal tea. Do you want a cookie? Something to eat with your medication?’

‘Yes. I’m quite hungry,’ she said stiffly.

She watched him walk out of the room, and then walked to the patio doors. Lee and Rochester were running around in circles. It was impossible to tell if the boy was chasing the dog or the dog was chasing the boy, perhaps both. After a few minutes, Kent re-joined her. He gave her the tea and put the plate of cookies and the bottle of anti-depressants on the bookcase.

‘He said another child is on medication,’ she said.

‘Isiah,’ Kent said. ‘He’s a few years older. Lee is too young for them to even consider it.’

In the garden, Lee fell to the floor giggling loudly while Rochester jumped all over him.

‘He hardly looks like a candidate,’ Sue said.

Kent looked away, but she saw the flush in his cheeks.

‘You don’t know him,’ he said. ‘You’re seeing a tiny snippet of a single day. That is not his life. Running around giggling with a puppy is not his life.’

‘This isn’t my life either,’ Sue said.

He looked at her. ‘Okay.’

She blew her nose noisily.

‘Are you still living in the same place?’ he asked.

‘You took me home,’ she said.

‘Right. I was attempting to segue into asking if you lived alone.’

‘My husband died four months ago, what are trying to suggest?’

Kent shrugged. ‘That a friend or family member might stay with you.’

‘Oh.’ She looked out at the garden. ‘No. Doctor Meade told me to get a dog. For company.’

‘Ah.’ Kent pulled open the patio door. ‘Lee, it’s nearly time for bed.’

Sue clutched the teacup to her chest. ‘I should go,’ she mumbled.

Kent touched the back of her hand. ‘You don’t have to rush off.’

‘I suppose I can stay awhile,’ she said. ‘If you want.’

Lee came to the door with Rochester at his heels.

‘He needs a bath,’ Sue said.

Lee squeaked in dismay.

‘You can have a shower,’ Kent said. He looked at Sue. ‘I’ll rinse off Rochester while we’re in there if you like.’

‘Sure,’ she said.

He started to say something but changed his mind.

Lee stood on his tiptoes. ‘Mary and Percy are on my chair. The puppy will frighten them.’

‘We’ll carry him so he won’t bother them. I’ll get a towel.’

Sue waved her hand and picked Rochester up. ‘Let’s go.’

‘Now you’re also covered in mud,’ Kent said, amused.

‘Maybe you’ll have to give me a shower,’ she said.

* * *

Lee undressed with a disturbing lack of embarrassment. He gave the bathtub a wide berth and waited by the shower cubicle.

‘I can put Rochester in the bath,’ Sue said. The words seemed to slip and slide in her mouth.

‘She sounds like Ben,’ Lee said to Kent.

‘Mrs Wilson-Levinson is tired,’ Kent said. ‘Just like Ben.’

Sue put the puppy into the bath. She looked at Lee. ‘You don’t have to call me Mrs Wilson-Levison. You can just say Sue.’

He looked at Kent for confirmation.

‘If a lady asks you to call her by her first name, then it’s only polite to do that.’ Kent turned the water on and checked the temperature.

‘You called mommy Elle,’ Lee said.

‘I called her by an affectionate nickname,’ Kent said, beckoning him into the cubicle.

‘Why?’

Sue turned to the bath and started washing Rochester.

‘It would have been confusing,’ Kent said. ‘But also, it’s a way of telling someone that you care about them.’

Sue pulled a face, but neither of them saw. She used a sponge to wash off the mud from Rochester’s coat. She’d take him to the groomer tomorrow but for now she wanted the worst of the mud gone. It would have easier if he didn’t keep moving around.

She looked over her shoulder. Kent had rolled his sleeves up to the elbow and was knelt on the floor. He lathered shampoo into Lee’s hair.

‘Make me a unicorn, daddy,’ he said.

‘Okay.’ Kent carefully sculpted his hair into a horn. Then he dabbed foam onto the little boy’s nose.

‘I miss mommy.’

‘I know,’ Kent said quietly. ‘We can put flowers on her grave at the weekend.’

‘Is mommy cold?’ Lee asked.

‘Cold?’

‘In the ground,’ Lee said.

Kent opened and closed his mouth. ‘I... I…’

‘No,’ Sue said.

They turned to look at her. Kent licked his lips and his hand tightened on the sponge.

‘I was worried that my husband would be cold,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t sleep at night thinking about it. But they told me that because of the box it’s quite warm.’

‘Okay,’ Lee said, apparently quite satisfied. He started singing a nursery rhyme that Sue half remembered.

Kent dropped his shoulders, and sighed heavily.

***

Sue sat with Rochester in the guest bedroom. It wasn’t late, but her eyes kept threatening to close. Kent had said he’d only be a few minutes, but perhaps she should just go. It was ridiculous taking up so much of his time.

‘Stay,’ she whispered to Rochester.

He gave a tiny whine.

She padded out of the room and across to Lee’s bedroom. It had a boat-shaped name plate on it. The door wasn’t quite shut. She stood a couple of feet away and tried to listen. Kent’s voice was a low murmur, a quiet regular sound, with the odd twist of surprise or excitement. Sue’s parents hadn’t read bedtime stories. Sue and her siblings were told to go to bed and they went. If they lay in bed awake for hours afterwards that was their problem. Woe betide them if either of their parents caught them reading or watching a portable television

She looked through the crack in the door. Kent was closing the book. He brushed Lee’s face with his fingers and leaned down to kiss his forehead.

She quickly returned to the guest bedroom. She knelt on the carpet to rub Rochester’s heard and fuss him. Kent tapped on the door.

‘Come in,’ Sue said.

‘I apologise for leaving you in here,’ he said.

She leaned back against the chest of drawers. ‘I crashed your home. You don’t have to apologise.’

She didn’t like the look of sympathy on his face.

‘You look like I feel,’ he said, offering her his hand. He helped her to her feet.

‘It’s been a long day,’ she said weakly.

Kent gave Rochester a pat. ‘You can sleep here if you like. In the morning I can drop you off or you can Uber home.’

‘I can’t do that.’ Sue knew that her tone screamed “convince me.”

‘It’s not an imposition,’ he said. ‘I’ll put the cats in my bedroom. It won’t be any bother.’

She sank down onto the bed. ‘I don’t have anything to wear.’

‘I’ll get you a t-shirt,’ Kent said.

It was a small bed. Sue stared at the ceiling as Rochester climbed up onto her feet. She could hear Kent pottering around in the bathroom. Every footstep and rustle of clothing echoed. Most nights Sue lay awake oppressed by the looming silence. Doug had been a man who filled the space around him. He hummed. He whistled. He wandered around almost thoughtlessly.

Kent’s footsteps moved along the corridor. Sue listened carefully, wondering if he would pause outside her door.

He didn’t.

Sue closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

***

Sue dropped out of her bad dream into someone’s nightmare. She heard weeping and moaning. Rochester whimpered softly. Sue cringed, waited for Kent to soothe his son. His son. It was so.... It made no sense. Kent was too mature, too practical, too sensible to spawn a child with some barely legal blonde. That wasn’t the man she dated. It was some kind of insanity. What had he been thinking? He was better than that. Sue would have never dated him if he wasn’t. She had her pride. She expected him to have his too.

She knew what she was doing. Sue was not entirely lacking in self-awareness. She knew that she was trying to ignore the sound. Trying to ignore the wretchedness and misery.

Shit. How was he sleeping through that?

She pulled her feet from underneath the dog and got out of bed. ‘Stay,’ she said to Rochester.

This was typical. You just couldn’t expect men to step up and get the job done. A woman always had to step up and deal with the situation. Even if the situation was the misery of another person’s child.

Another person’s child was lying peacefully in bed. He was dimly illuminated by a night light in the shape of a teddy bear. Lee was face down in the middle of the bed with his arms and legs spread out. He was snoring a little. What he wasn’t doing was sobbing or moaning.

Sue pursed her lips and left the room. She walked along the corridor, around the corner, and found two more doors. The first opened onto a home office with familiar prints of sailboats adorning the walls. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and tugged down the hem of the t-shirt of her she was wearing. She opened the second door and looked into the room. Kent, shirtless and sweating, was writhing on the bed.

Fuck.

Sue sat on the side of the bed and shook his shoulder. ‘Kent,’ she said quietly. ‘Wake up. You’re having a nightmare.’

He grabbed her hand.

‘Kent,’ she said slightly more firmly.

He was sobbing. A low, guttural sound. Tears were seeping out from under his eyelids and trickling down his cheeks. It was _horrible_. Frightening. This wasn’t him. Sue slept beside him dozens of times. He had been affectionate and attentive. Strong and reassuring.   

Sue shook his shoulder again.

‘You’re going to wake Lee.’ She blew out her cheeks. She was going to regret this, she was sure of it. She shook her head and lay down on the covers. She pulled Kent towards her. His rolled over and his face fell against her shoulder.

‘There, there,’ she said, awkwardly patting his shoulder. ‘Stop crying.’

She hadn’t been this close to another person in months. Hadn’t been this close to a man in months. She tried not to look at him. She tried not to think about it.

After a while it eased. His breathing slowed to normal. His tears dried. The house fell quiet

Sue stroked his back with her hand, and then slid away, off the bed, and out of the room.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

There was a glass of water on the bedside table. Next to the water was a box of painkillers.

Sue scowled at them. Kent probably thought that was amusing.

‘Some guard dog you are,’ she said to Rochester.

Her clothes were gone, but there was a man’s dressing gown on the back of the bedroom door. Sue pulled it on and shoved her feet into a pair of woollen socks that she assumed were supposed to serve instead of slippers.

She took two painkillers and swallowed them with a glass of water. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail, put on the gown, and tied the belt tightly around her waist. She was tempted to stay in the bedroom until he returned her clothes, but that would mean admitting that the situation bothered her.

Sue would _never_ do that.

‘Come on, Rochester,’ she said.

He half-jumped and half-fell to the floor and trotted along after her as she went downstairs. Kent was in the kitchen, making pancakes. He was casually dressed in a white t-shirt and dark jeans.

‘Shouldn’t you be eating an organic fruit smoothie and macrobiotic soy grass or something? she asked.

Kent glanced at her. ‘Pancakes don’t have to be inherently unhealthy,’ he said. ‘The toppings are largely more of an issue.’

‘You should avoid feeding your child maple syrup,’ Sue said. ‘He’s energetic enough without it.’

‘You appear to believe that enthusiasm is a bad thing.’

‘It’s a bad thing in children.’

‘One day someone is going to take you at your word,’ Kent said.

‘Good. I should be.’

Kent snorted. ‘Sure. Here, feed your dog, Miss Trunchbull.’

Sue put the minced meat into the bowl. ‘I don’t know that means.’

‘Miss Trunchbull is a fictional character in _Matilda_. She believes that children are foul and pestilent creatures who need to be crushed of all spirit and individuality.’

‘She sounds eminently sensible,’ Sue said tartly.

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘Would you like a coffee? Or a tea?’

‘I was hoping to brush my teeth first.’

He thought about it. ‘You should find a spare tooth brush in the cabinet under the bathroom basin.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Your pancakes will be ready in a few minutes.’

She tried to remember, as she went upstairs, if he had made her breakfast while they were dating. There generally wasn’t time. During the week they both had work to get to, and at weekends she had classes and he had a thousand and one hobbies. He had made her dinner twice: duck fillets with orange and lemon dressing, and sea bass with a white wine sauce. It had been well done but he was trying so hard because things between them were falling apart.

There was a box of toothbrushes in the cabinet. That was utterly typical of Kent. She didn’t find any condoms. He used to keep those under the bathroom cabinet before. Perhaps he was simply keeping them away from little hands. In the medicine cabinet she found the usual things: painkillers, first aid kit, contact lenses and solution. There were also children’s medicines. There was nothing else. No stray bottle of perfume or lone tampon right at the back of the cabinet. Nothing to suggest the lingering presence of the woman whose loss had left such a mark on them.

Sue still had a few things of Doug’s. Silly things, along with the obvious ones. Everyone kept hold of a few items of clothing and photographs. Sue had also kept the half-finished bottle of antibiotics. A stupid thing to keep. Doug had been fighting a mild infection. Nothing important. Certainly nothing that necessitated taking a day off work.

***

Kent wasn’t in the kitchen. Lee was. He was slurping juice out of a plastic cup and eating blueberry pancakes.

‘Where’s your father?’ Sue asked.

‘Daddy took the puppy walkie.’ Lee’s face wrinkled up in amusement. ‘He wanted to go pee-pee!’

Sue ground her teeth. ‘He left you here alone?’

Lee pointed. ‘Those are your pancakes. You have to eat them all!’

She counted to five. It wasn’t the child’s fault. It was Kent’s.

‘Do you have candy?’ Sue asked.

Lee’s eyes widened. ‘For breakfast?’ He pointed at the cupboard. ‘Treats are there. Daddy said I can have a treat.’

It wasn’t a very convincing lie, but it was delivered without any hesitation and with a wide-eyed attempt at innocent sincerity.

‘Right.’ She opened the cupboard and took out a large candy bar. ‘I bet your daddy only gives you a square at a time.’

She saw him weighing it up.

‘Daddy lets me have the whole bar,’ he lied.

‘Here you are then,’ Sue said sweetly. She sat down and began eating her pancakes.

Lee ripped the candy open and shoved a handful into his mouth.

Sue smirked. ‘Lee, what was your mother’s name?’

He looked at her blankly. ‘Mommy.’

‘But she had a name, your father’s name is Kent. What was your mother’s name?’

‘Um.’ He thought about it. ‘Don’t remember.’

Sue frowned. ‘Didn’t your daddy say he called your mother Elle?’

‘Oh.’ He shoved another handful of candy into his mouth. ‘Leigh.’

‘Lee’s your name,’ Sue said.

‘Not really,’ he said, his voice muffled.

Sue stared at him. ‘What do you –’

The front door opened. She heard Rochester’s claws scrabble on the flooring.

Lee squealed, grabbed the candy, and hid in the pantry.

Sue shook her head. Definitely congress material.

Kent pushed open the kitchen door. ‘Hello.’

‘You kidnapped my dog,’ Sue said.

‘He needed to relieve himself.’

‘And my clothes.’

‘They needed laundering,’ he did.

‘You expected me to babysit your child.’

He took off his jacket. ‘Where is he?’

Sue shrugged. ‘Hiding.’

Kent ran his fingers through his hair. ‘He normally jumps out by now.’

‘Not that kind of hiding. The kind where he doesn’t want you find him.’ She shrugged. ‘Judging by the alacrity with which he left I can only assume that he is in fact not allowed to eat a whole candy bar for breakfast.’

Kent squeezed the bridge of his nose. ‘I suppose you think that you’re hilarious.’

Without waiting for an answer, he walked to the pantry door and opened it.

‘Give me that.’

‘But the lady...’

‘Sue doesn’t have any children,’ Kent said, throwing away the rest of the bar. ‘She doesn’t know any better. You know you’re not allowed candy for breakfast, let alone half a bar of the laxative chocolate.’

_Laxative._ Sue put her hand to her mouth.

Lee emerged from the pantry, dragging his feet. ‘Sorry, daddy.’

‘Kent, I don’t know what to say,’ Sue began. ‘I should have read the label.’

‘It’s candy,’ he said. ‘Why would you?’ He wiped chocolate from Lee’s face with a wipe. ‘How does your tummy feel?’ he asked the little boy.

‘Bad,’ Lee groaned.

‘Okay,’ Kent said. ‘Grab your tablet. This might take a while.’

* * *

Amy did not have much of a sense of humour. Sue couldn’t remember more than three times that she had seen her laugh. She was sniggering now.

‘You poisoned his kid?’

‘Poisoned is a strong term,’ Sue said.

Amy picked at her salad. ‘Pretty sure it’s the right one.’

‘I’m not going to argue semantics with you.’

Amy shrugged. ‘You ever do something like that to me and you won’t be arguing semantics with anyone.’

Sire tensed her shoulders. ‘I had no idea it was a laxative.’

Amy gave her a sour look. ‘It was a shitty move.’

‘Is that supposed to be a witticism?’

‘Yes,’ Amy said. ‘But what the fuck is with you trying to prank him in the first place? Could you not pull his pigtails?’

Sue looked at her steak as chopped it in pieces. ‘It wasn’t a prank... He had simply been overbearing. It was all far too much and expecting me to babysit was simply the last straw.’

Amy nodded. ‘He drove you home, invited your drunk ass round to get your meds, looked after you, and made you feel at home. That fucking monster.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘That’s not what happened.’

‘Sounds like to me.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘His child said something odd.’

‘Well, duh. Kids that age talk complete fucking nonsense.’

‘Do they normally say their names aren’t really their names?’

Amy gulped her mimosa. ‘Do I look like I talk to a bunch of little kids?’

‘Shall I ask you again in eighteen months when your entire social life revolves around small children?’

Amy shuddered. ‘I am never turning into one of those parents.’

‘You will.’

‘I fucking won’t.’

Sue crossed her legs. ‘I’ve never poisoned a small child before.’

‘First time for everything.’ Amy sat back in her chair. ‘This is really upsetting you, huh?’

Sue played with her fork. ‘When I left the house, they were still in the bathroom.’

‘He was in the creche when I left,’ Amy said.

‘Lee was?’

‘Yeah. Smashing the fuck out of a toy train.’

Sue stared at her. ‘Lee. Short. Blue eyes. Blond hair.’

‘Sucks his thumb when he’s sleeping. Anger issues,’ Amy said. ‘Yeah. I’ve seen him around.’

‘I didn’t notice any anger issues,’ Sue said quietly.

Amy pulled a face. ‘That would be like an ocean noticing a swimming pool was wet.’

‘Now you’re being facetious.’

***

Kent was a complicated man to buy for if you cared to get him something he actually wanted or needed. If you didn’t actually care, but wanted to pretend you paid attention, then you could buy something with a nautical, motorcycle, or cat theme.

Sue was above that level of laziness or negligence. When she bought a gift, it was thoughtful and considerate, even if she had to tie the recipient down and drag the information out of them. She had known Kent quite well, once. That was years ago, and his life appeared to have radically changed. She didn’t like to contemplate just how radically.

So, she was not quite as confident in her choice of gift as she would have wished. The number of people in the waiting area did nothing to counteract this feeling.

‘Yes?’ the receptionist asked.

Sue made a snap decision. ‘Please give this to Mr Davison,’ she said, handing over the envelope.

‘And you are?’

‘Sue Wilson-Levinson,’ she said, turning away.

She was opening the main door when she heard someone jogging behind her.

‘Sue?’

Kent was a little breathless but not as much as she would expect for having run down two floors.

‘I hope you haven’t left your son up there,’ she said.

‘He’s at his grandparents,’ Kent said. ‘They’re keen to spend more time with him but it’s difficult. He doesn’t like being away from home.’

‘Away from home or away from you?’

Kent was quiet. ‘Mostly away from me.’ He waved the envelope. ‘You didn’t have to do this.’

‘It was appropriate to make a gesture,’ she said stiffly.

He tapped the envelope against his fingers. ‘How long has it been since someone wanted to spend time with you?’

‘What kind of a question is that?’ she snapped.

‘An honest one. You have therapy and you have work. I guess you spend time with your mom, although she doesn’t seem to like anyone very much.’

Sue folded her arms. ‘And?’

‘And you seem like you need a friend,’ Kent said.

‘I have friends,’ Sue said. ‘Don’t project your poor social skills onto me.’

Kent held up the envelope. ‘You could’ve mailed this. You could’ve sent it by messenger. You didn’t. You took the time out of your day to come here.’

Sue tightened her lips. ‘I was in the area. That’s all.’

Kent shook his head. ‘You don’t change, not in essentials.’

‘What does that mean?’ she asked.

‘Admitting that you would like basic human contact isn’t a weakness.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘We’re in a pretty unusual situation here. Your other friends might be sympathetic. They might be supportive. But they don’t know what it’s like.’

Sue sighed. ‘If I wanted to wade in misery then I would go to a support group.’

Kent nodded. ‘Sure. However, there are times when it’s nice to be able to just relax and not have to monitor that you’re not too emotional, too sad, or just too… too much.’

‘I never do that,’ Sue said.

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Which part?’

‘Either,’ she said. ‘Whatever.’

Kent rubber his forehead. ‘Okay. fine. You don’t want to talk to me. Thank you for this. It’s very thoughtful.’ He turned back towards the stairs.

‘You don’t have to...’

He looked at her over his shoulder. ‘What?’

Sue flicked back her hair and glanced away. ‘If you need to spend time with another adult, one who isn’t whining and maudlin, then... I suppose I could help you. If that’s what you want.’

If he smiled, if he pushed her, if he said the wrong thing, then she was going to walk out the door without looking back.

‘Are you doing anything tonight?’ he asked. ‘I was going to watch a movie. I don’t get much opportunity when Lee is home.’

The words, “I don’t like movies,” lined up. Sue swallowed them. ‘I might be able to move some things around.’

‘Or I could come to you,’ Kent said.

She nodded. ‘Bring the movie. I suppose we avoid stressing your cats too much.’

‘I’d say they would be grateful, but they’re cats. Gratitude isn’t really something they would ever admit to. They have their pride.’ He smiled. ‘Thank goodness there aren’t any people like that.’

‘Yes,’ Sue said. ‘That’s fortunate.’

***

‘You’ve worked very hard to avoid any contact with the survivors or families,’ Dr Meade said.

‘You’re exaggerating,’ Sue said. ‘I’m merely uninterested in mawkish obsessing over the past.’

‘You weren’t even aware that one of your ex-boyfriends was involved,’ He said.

‘He didn’t know that I was involved,’ Sue said.

Meade made a note. ‘Didn’t you say that he’d sent you a card?’

Sue’s eye twitched. ‘I had forgotten.’

Meade clasped his hands together. ‘Some people find support groups helpful.’

‘I find it unpleasant and unnecessary. It’s been months. People should move on.’

‘My, my,’ Dr Meade said. ‘What’s rattled you enough that you’re outright spoiling for a fight?’

Sue clenched her hands. ‘I’m not.’

‘Oh, you are. You just said something you don’t believe in the slightest in order to provoke a response you could only imagine would neutral at best and antagonistic at worst.’ He cocked his head. ‘Did you want to say something like that to Kent? To his son?’

Heat rushed to Sue’s face. ‘No.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m not a monster,’ she snapped.

‘You said it to me,’ he said.

‘That’s different!’

‘How?’

‘I don’t give a shit what you think about me!’ she yelled. ‘You sit there _smirking_! You don’t know me! You think because I have to come here that I’m weak? You think that I’m pathetic? You don’t know me!’

She was panting. Her heart was tearing at her chest. Her nails were biting into her palms.

Dr Meade handed her a Kleenex. ‘I know you’re not weak, Sue,’ he said gently. ‘I know you’re not pathetic.’

She scrubbed her eyes with the Kleenex. ‘You’re a terrible therapist.’

‘You can do better than that,’ he said. ‘If I like I can get you a toy train to smash up.’

Sue shook her head. ‘I’m tired of being angry.’

‘Good,’ he said. ‘Let’s start doing something about it.’

 


	4. Chapter 4

The house was clean. Sue paid an extortionate amount of money to keep it that way. Doug had once joked that they should get a butler to fill out the roster of maids and cooks. It was clean, but it wasn’t quite as tidy as it should have been. Sue had a reputation to maintain. Kent was a cluttered person. Not necessarily untidy but lacking in organisation. It was bizarre for a man with such an organised mind.

Sue had found it adorable. She was never able to hide it as much as she should have. The fact that he realised had been infuriating.

She spent a few hours making sure that everything was precisely in place, and then ordered a pizza. That was friends did, wasn’t it? Eat pizza. Drink beer or soft drinks. Or ice cream perhaps. It was years since she’d done something like this.  

She changed into clean jeans and a t-shirt. Took off her makeup. Tied back her hair. There was something strangely relaxing about making a calculated choice to be casual. About giving herself permission not to be perfect.

Kent arrived at exactly eight o’clock. Sue suspected he had actually arrived ten minutes before and waited out of sight. That was very like him.

He’d had a shave. She still wasn’t used to bare cheeks and chin. He was dressed quite casually in a t-shirt, chinos, and hiking boots. As he leaned in to kiss her cheek, she didn’t smell any cologne, just soap. Good. They were on the same page. The last thing she needed was Kent thinking she was coming on to him. She knew he wouldn't make things unpleasant if he did, but it was a complication that she could do without. 

‘I brought beer,’ he said, holding up a six pack.

‘I ordered pizza.’

He smiled. ‘This should be a unique experience.’

‘Don’t ruin it by talking.’

He came into the kitchen with her, and fussed Rochester while she put out the pizza, chicken wings, and fries.

‘He’s remarkably well behaved,’ Kent said.

‘He’s very highly trained,’ Sue said.

Kent nodded, clearly thinking about something. ‘I’ve considered getting Lee a therapy dog. They can be trained to help with depression.’

‘Really,’ Sue said flatly.

‘His doctor says to give him some time.’ Kent said, ignoring her tone. ‘A dog is a big commitment. I’m not sure it’s wise to take anything else on.’

Was that a coded acknowledgement of her casual dress? Was he trying to avoid rejection by pre-empting it?

‘I thought you disliked dogs,’ Sue said.

‘No, I just prefer cats.’ He gave the dog a last pat and washed his hands. ‘Lee loves any animal.’

‘Particularly unicorns.’

Kent took the plate she gave him. ‘They were his mom’s favourite,’ he said. ‘It’s not something I thought an issue.’

‘I suppose when dating a prepubescent one should expect immature interests.’

Kent followed her into the living room. ‘You know what I hear every time your sarcastic about another woman’s age?’

‘Is it, oh god, another man who thinks a woman is a status symbol?’ she asked.

‘I hear insecurity about your own age,’ Kent said. He sat down. ‘You have nothing to be insecure about.’

She narrowed her eyes. ‘I don’t need a man’s permission not to be insecure.’

‘Apparently you need something.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘Put on a movie.’

Kent leaned over to pick up his backpack. ‘As I was getting ready to come over I realised, to my horror, that you had once told me that you don’t like movies.’

Sue nibbled a slice of pizza. ‘That’s true.’

‘I considered what I knew about your taste in reading material and used that to find some material I hope you’ll find appropriate to your interests.’

She knew the little spark in his eye. ‘What did you do?’ she demanded.

‘I had to work quite hard to get these.’ he said.

‘I didn’t ask you to.’ She took the offered DVDs with ill grace. _Jane Eyre_. _Lady Chatterley’s Lover. The Fortunes and Misfortunes of Moll Flanders. Tipping the Velvet._

Sue held up _Tipping the Velvet_. ‘From your private collection?’

‘My private collection is all digital where it can’t possibly be found by little hands,’ he said. ‘And that is just as literary as the other DVDs,’ he said. ‘If more modern.’

‘Rather more to offer you than me,’ she said.

He affected an expression of innocence. ‘Have I underestimated your need for a tall, dark brooding man to whisk off the heroine? Will a short, dark, brooding woman not do the job admirably?’

‘I don’t know, let’s find a gay romance movie and see how well it works for you.’

Kent scratched his head. ‘There’s one scene in _Bedrooms and Hallways_ where James Purefoy is dressed as Mr Darcy and he’s got this riding crop...’

Sue giggled. ‘Why were you watching that?’

‘It’s one of Leigh’s favourites.’

‘What?’

He held up his hands. ‘Lee’s mother. L-e-i-g-h. Leigh Patterson. You remember.’

Sue stared at him. 'The data breach girl.’

‘Yes.’

‘That _child_?’

Kent sighed. ‘We weren’t... together.’

Sue gulped a mouthful of beer. ‘You just got her pregnant.’

‘Essentially.’ He played with the bottle. ‘I’m not proud of it. I was drunk. I was in a dark place. She was interested, warm, and affectionate. It was just... It happened.’

Rochester nuzzled Sue’s hand. She stroked his head.

‘I see,’ she said. ‘And then your son happened.’

‘She didn’t tell me, not until long after he was born.’ He shrugged. ‘She was very independent. She didn’t want me to feel beholden to her.’

Sue thought about a girl whose face she barely remembered. A girl who had told everyone who would listen, and many who wouldn’t, how the administration had mistreated her.

‘Did she get pregnant on purpose?’ Sue asked.

‘I never asked,’ Kent admitted. ‘She didn’t ask me for money. She didn’t ask me for anything until he was nearly one. She was finding it more difficult to juggle everything than she anticipated.’

‘I see,’ Sue said. ‘Are you sure he’s yours?’

‘Yes, I’m sure.’ Kent rubbed his forehead.

‘You can put any name on a birth certificate,’ she said.

‘We had two DNA tests.’ Kent said. ‘One she arranged and one I arranged. She insisted. I didn’t care. I wouldn’t care now if I found out differently.’

Sue drew her feet up to the couch and hugged her knees. ‘You didn’t tell me that you wanted children.’

‘I didn’t,’ he said candidly. ‘I never did.’

‘But you obviously care for him,’ Sue said uncertainly.

‘I’d die for him,’ Kent said calmly. ‘It’s not that I had some big fuzzy rush of emotion. It’s nothing like that. It’s just a knowledge. A bone deep certainty.’

‘Oh.’

He shifted position. Am I making you uncomfortable?’

‘Yes.’

‘But you asked,’ Kent pointed out.

Sue pulled a face. ‘I didn’t ask for a melodramatic declaration of love.’

He held up the DVDs. ‘Only in fiction, huh?’

‘You could have brought the BBC _Pride and Prejudice_ ,’ she grumbled.

‘It’s about six hours long,’ he said.

‘You have no commitment.’

***

‘Shut up!’ Sue laughed, covering her ears. ‘I’m not listening.’

‘The next woman I date I’m going to tell her to refer to my penis as my little bud of life,’ Kent said, straight-faced.

‘Not that little,’ Sue said. ‘Average size bud of life.’

‘Ouch,’ Kent said.

She smirked at him as she sipped her beer. ‘I said it wasn’t little.’

Kent pressed his hand to his heart. ‘I feel so affirmed right now.’

‘Do men actually imagine that women think about penis is in such admiring terms?’

He shrugged. ‘Possibly, I have known men helplessly enamoured of their own genitalia. Often the sort of men who would assume everyone else would share their admiration.’

‘Doug said a penis is a boy’s first and best toy.’

Kent sipped his beer. ‘Do girls not enjoy their... equipment?’

‘We can’t write our names in the snow.’ Sue admitted.

‘Ah. Truly a tragedy.’

‘Shush,’ he said. ‘This is going to be good.’

‘You mean sexually explicit,’ he said knowingly.

She silenced him with a look.

Why hadn’t she ever done this with Doug? She almost never sat with him in the evenings. She normally read something in bed. It would be never occurred to either of them to suggest doing this.

Kent touched her sleeve. His expression asked if she was okay.

Sue nodded. ‘Do men fantasise about sex with someone lower on the social order?’

‘Give me a few minutes to put a message on the worldwide men-only notice board and I'll check.’

Sue slapped his leg.

‘I think common fantasies are often a reaction to societal mores; a reflection, distortion, or reversal,’ he said. ‘Historically women tried to marry “up” the social ladder where possible. A man of low class and no money who was nonetheless attractive was forbidden by society, which immediately makes it more desireable.’

Sue opened another beer. ‘But men could marry less socially acceptable women, provided they were young and healthy. Youth becomes fetishized.’

‘Don’t look at me like that,’ he said scowling.

‘Why? Because there is a common disturbing sexual fantasy about older men deflowering virginal young women?’ she asked sweetly.

Kent stared at her. ‘You don’t honestly imagine she was some sweet, innocent little lamb to the slaughter? She pursued me, vigorously!’

‘Doug did that,’ Sue said.

‘You play hard to get,’ Kent said.

Sue leaned back. ‘How dare you. That is an appalling slur.’

He swirled his beer around in it’s bottle. ‘You and your pride. You can’t admit you like a man, and you’d never lower yourself to approaching one, so you end up only with the men willing to jump through your hoops.’

‘I’m not going to apologise for having standards,’ she said. ‘Some of us don’t sleep with every twenty-year-old who bats their eyelashes.’

‘Congratulations on never feeling lonely, sad, and scared,’ Kent said. ‘You can afford to snap your fingers and have men dance attendance. I’m flattered if a woman smiles at me in the store. I get a massage once a month just to feel a woman touch me.’

Sue looked away. ‘I’m sure you’re exaggerating wildly,’ she said quietly.

‘I wish I were.’

‘I sleep in Doug’s pyjamas,’ Sue admitted. ‘The scent is already beginning to fade.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly. ‘Hang on.’ He left the room for a few minutes and came back with a business card.

‘Custom perfumes?’ Sue asked blankly.

‘It’s expensive,’ Kent said. ‘I did it for Lee. They were able to take samples from some of his mother’s unwashed laundry and make a perfume. The same scent. You can spray it on clothes or whatever. He seems to find it soothing.’

‘Oh,’ Sue said, and started to cry.


	5. Chapter 5

Sue didn’t like shopping with Amy. The other woman got distracted and never did her research. She always had some vague idea what she wanted but never knew if it was available. Nonetheless, Sue allowed herself to be prodded and pushed into going. She hadn’t spoken to Amy in a few weeks. It would be good to catch up.

‘Where’s your dog?' Amy asked.

‘Kent agreed to look after him for the afternoon.’

Amy rifled through a rack of blouses. ‘That probably means you’ll get stuck looking after his kid in return.’

‘That will not be happening,’ Sue said firmly.

‘Yeah, you’d probably poison the kid for real,’ Amy said. ‘I am very ambivalent about letting you babysit.’

‘Letting implies that it’s some sort of reward that I’m seeking,’ Sue said. ‘I will have you know that I am an excellent babysitter.’

Amy gave her a dubious look. ‘You hate kids.’

‘You hate politicians,’ Sue replied. ‘That doesn’t prevent you caring for them.’

‘I don’t have to wipe their asses.’

‘Lee is old enough to wipe his own ass.’

Amy groaned. ‘We’re talking about _my_ kid. God. You’re spending too much bandwidth on Kent.’

Sue pursed her lips and didn’t reply. It didn’t deserve a reply. She saw Kent once or twice a week. They got lunch or went to the park with Lee and Rochester. She thought it did Kent good to have some social interaction that weren’t misery laden discussions about the accident, or all about children. Parents could be disturbingly single-minded.

‘This is cute,’ Amy said, holding up a dress.

‘No.’

‘No?’

‘Even if you could get that on, which you couldn’t without ripping it in half, the colour doesn’t suit you and the cut is terrible.’

Amy looked at it again. ‘Shit. You’re right.’

‘What’s the occasion?’

Amy waved her hand. ‘Big party with the clients. You’re coming.’

‘Am I?’

‘Fuck, yes. Someone has to keep an eye on Kent.’ Amy waddled over to another rack.

‘You told me I was spending too much time with him,’ Sue said.

‘You are.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. Amy pulled a face.

‘What? Both things can be true.’

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘Why does someone need to keep an eye on Kent?’

‘Because of how he gets,’ Amy said. ‘What about this one?’

‘Amy, if you insist on wearing a sheathe dress you will look like you swallowed a bowling ball.’

***

‘How does he get?’ Doctor Meade asked.

‘Don’t you know?’ Sue crossed her legs.

‘Mr Davison isn’t my patient.’

Sue jogged her knee. ‘I don’t know what she meant. I didn’t ask. It’s none of my business.’

Doctor Meade took off his glasses and cleaned them on his shirt. ‘When you first reconnected, and you found him crying in his bedroom, what was that about?’

‘I have no idea,’ Sue said, straightening her blouse. ‘He claims that he and Leigh weren’t dating.’

‘You haven’t discussed it with him?’

‘What possible reason would I have to do that?’

Doctor Meade put his glasses back on. ‘Kent’s your friend. You’ve seen him in distress. You’ve been told his child is in distress. He’s alluded to a “dark period” in his life. It’s been implied he has some sort of ongoing problem that you’re not aware about. It would be perfectly normal to ask some questions.’

Sue’s lips tightened. ‘I respect his privacy.’

‘Is it that, or could it be that you don’t want to know?’

Sire rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t want to know because I respect his privacy.’

‘You’re fidgeting a lot.’

‘Rude.’

Meade laughed. ‘You don’t fidget in the normal course of a session. It suggests to me that you’re finding this conversation particularly uncomfortable.’

Sue folded her arms. ‘I don’t find any of our conversations comfortable.’

‘Okay,’ he said. ‘We’ll move on. But I’d like you to think about this. To think about whether it might be helpful for you to talk to Kent about this. Not just for you, but for him.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘Kent is a grown man. He can get help if he needs it.’

‘Being physically capable of getting help and actually doing it are radically different things.’

***

She could hear childish laughter and barking as she knocked on the door. After a couple of seconds, Kent opened the door.

‘Your child is ruining my dog’s discipline,’ Sue said. ‘He’s supposed to be calm and quiet.’

‘He’s a puppy and burning off energy and excitement is probably good for him,’ Kent said.

‘Is that your expert opinion?’ Sue asked tartly.

‘If you like.’ He took her bags as she walked into the house. ‘Lee loves having him visit,’ he said. ‘It does him a world of good.’

Sue looked through the patio doors to where Lee and Rochester were charging around the garden. ‘Good. We’ll have to work out a payment plan.’

‘Is it tiring being so relentlessly cantankerous?’ he asked, putting down her bags.

‘No. It fills me with joy.’

Kent smiled. ‘Looks like you had fun with Amy.’

‘She complained unceasingly about Dan, her parents, and how much she loathes being pregnant. I had a lovely time.’ She looked at the cat, sat facing the garden. ‘Doesn’t the noise disturb her?’

‘Him. He’s used to it now,’ Kent said. ‘As long as it’s outside it’s fine.’ He shrugged. ‘They tend to regard windows as televisions. Potentially entertaining but not actually something that affects them.’

‘Cat television.’ Sue knelt down and the cat graciously sniffed her hand. ‘What’s his name?’

‘Percy. I didn’t know you liked cats.’

‘I have no particular feelings either way, but I understand the etiquette.’

The patio door opened and Lee breezed in.

‘Shut the –’

It was too late. Rochester bounced in with him. Percy’s hackles rose. He hissed and reared up.

‘Rochester, play dead,’ Sue ordered.

He lay down immediately. The cat hissed softly, and then swatted at Rochester’s nose. Kent scooped Percy up and put him in the kitchen.

‘Lee, take Rochester outside,’ Kent snapped.

‘He wants to be friends!’

Sue grabbed the puppy and backed away a step.

‘Is he alright?’ Kent asked.

‘Is _he_ alright?’ Sue echoed.

‘He took quite a hit across the nose,’ Kent said. ‘Cat scratches can be nasty.’

Rochester was whimpering. There was a little blood on his nose. ‘I’ll clean him up at home,’ she said.

‘Bad cat!’ Lee said.

‘No,’ Kent said firmly. ‘This not their fault. Animals can only behave like animals. This is our fault. We need to keep them apart.’

‘It’s not the puppy’s fault! Bad Percy!’ Lee shouted.

Kent put his hands on his hips. ‘Lee, please stop shouting. It’s not Rochester’s fault and it’s not Percy’s fault. Cats are scared of dogs. Lots of dogs will attack cats.’  

‘They’re stupid! I hate them!’

Kent pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Lee, if you can’t calm down then you need to go to your room.’

‘I don’t want to,’ Lee said, his bottom lips beginning to wobble. ‘You’re mean.’

Kent squatted down in front of him. He put his hand to Lee’s face. ‘Do you want to cry?’

He nodded.

‘Okay,’ Kent said. ‘We talked about this. You can cry if you want to.’

‘It’s not fair,’ Lee mumbled.

‘What’s not fair?’

‘Don’t know.’

Kent sighed. ‘Are you upset about Rochester or are you mad that it’s time for him to go home?’

‘Don’t know.’

‘Okay.’ Kent tipped up his chin. ‘We’ll talk about this with Debbie tomorrow.’

‘Okay,’ Lee whispered.

‘Are you mad at the cats?’ Kent asked.

Lee shook his head. ‘I love the cats.’

‘Come here.’ Kent put his arms around Lee.

‘Sorry, Daddy,’ he said quietly.

‘Okay, sweetheart,’ Kent said, rubbing his back. ‘Say goodbye to Sue and Rochester.’

‘I really love him,’ Lee said earnestly.

‘He loves you too,’ Kent said. ‘But it’s time for him to go home. Say goodbye and go upstairs to get ready for your shower.’

Lee kissed Kent’s cheek, and walked over to Sue. She lowered Rochester to the ground.

‘See you soon, puppy,’ Lee said, petting him. He looked up at Sue. ‘See you soon.’

‘Have a good night, Lee,’ she said.

‘I’ll be up in a minute,’ Kent promised.

Lee dragged himself out of the room on leaden feet.

‘Wow,’ Sue said.

Kent bristled. ‘He’s very young. He lost his mother. Temper tantrums are completely to be expected.’

‘Wow, you handled that so well,’ Sue said.

Kent reddened. ‘Oh.’

‘You’re a good father. You should be less paranoid about it,’ Sue said.

He gave a small smile. ‘Thank you.’

‘And my nephew has temper tantrums that would make your ears bleed. When you’re that age the world is an arbitrary and confusing place. Its unsurprising that they act up.’

Kent rubbed his forehead. ‘I’m sixty and the world feels quite arbitrary and confusing to me too.’

‘Speaking of that, Amy has invited me to your event on Saturday. I hope that’s not a problem?’ she said.

Kent shrugged. ‘Why would it be a problem?’

‘We are former lovers,’ she said.

‘And current friends,’ he said mildly. ‘That was years ago. We’ve both moved on. Were you going to take a date?’

She stared at him. ‘I certainly was not.’

Kent sighed. ‘Apologies. I wasn’t suggesting you _should_.’

‘Good. I get that enough from my mother.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘You’re still mourning Doug. That’s to be expected. Nobody in the support group is even considering dating.’

‘No?’

‘No.’

Sue released a breath. ‘That’s good to know. My mother acts as if I’m being unreasonable.’

Kent touched the back of her hand. ‘You obviously loved him very much. You should take as much time as you need. Rushing out there when you’re not ready wouldn’t be good for you or the man you date.’

Sue squeezed his hand. ‘I have to go.’

‘I’ll see you at the party.’

She nodded and kissed his cheek.

***

There was something oddly calming about Candi. She wasn’t stupid by any means, but she was as shallow as a puddle. She wasn’t capable of duplicity and, while she could be thoughtlessly cruel, she also rarely seemed to notice when people did the same to her.

‘You’re so lucky you don’t have to worry about taking a date anywhere,’ Candi said. ‘Gary insists on wearing his hair right down to his ears. It’s _so_ embarrassing.’

‘I’m not taking a date because my husband is dead,’ Sue said mildly.

‘Right! Which is why you get to bring Rochester into the office!’ Candi squatted down to scratch Rochester’s head. ‘You’re much better than a husband, aren’t you sweetie? Yes, you are.’

‘He makes less mess,’ Sue agreed. She stood up as the chiefs of staff left the Oval office. ‘Stay here,’ she said to Rochester. She picked up a stack of folders and took them into the Oval Office.

‘Have they gone?’ Montez asked.

Sue looked over her shoulder. ‘Yes.’

POTUS took out a cigarette and lit it. ‘Those patronising putas. Did Meyer have these problems?’

‘Frequently,’ Sue said.

‘Huh.’

Sue put the folders down on the desk. ‘I’ll leave these here for you, Ma’am.’

Montez pushed back her hair. ‘How are you doing, Sue?’

She tensed. She hated the “time to be a kind and compassionate boss” voice.

‘Better, Ma’am, thank you.’

‘Having Rochester with you seems to help.’

‘Yes,’ Sue said.

‘And the therapy?’ Montez prodded.

‘Yes,’ Sue said, trying not to sound as tense

‘Good!’ Montez said, clearly ticking off a box mentally. ‘I heard that you’re going to a BKD party tonight. I hope you don’t feel we arent taking care of you here.’

‘No Ma’am,’ Sue said. ‘Kent Davison’s former partner was killed in the train accident. We met at the therapist’s office. That’s all.’ It was close enough to the truth and it hit enough buttons that Montez almost physically recoiled.

‘I didn’t know that.’

‘Their son was made motherless,’ Sue said, ensuring that Montez would never ask again.

***

Sue hadn’t been to the BKD offices before. She was expecting heavy wooden furniture and a nasty fog of cigar smoke. If there had been a receptionist with a miniskirt and a beehive hairstyle she wouldn’t have been surprised. What did surprise her was the minimalist design, large windows, and open floor plan. The only decorations were awards and testimonials on the walls.

‘Why are you having a party in your office?’ Sue asked.

‘So that clients can see we’re doing well enough to invest in the building and resources but we’re not stupidly blowing money on renting a nightclub,’ Amy said.

‘That sounds like something Kent said as a PR strategy and Ben agreed with to save money.’

Amy hung up her coat. ‘It was the only way Dan could get Ben to sign off the party.’

‘Ben doesn’t like parties?’

‘Ben loves parties. He hates paying for them.’

Sue walked with Amy into the party. It was a smart suit and evening dress. She always found that mildly disappointing. She saw men in suits every day. Tuxedos should be more the equivalent to evening dresses. Even Ben looked somewhat presentable in a tuxedo.

He wasn’t ageing well. His hair had been in retreat for a while but now it was looking thinner and greyer. He looked a little heavier and his face was a little redder. It went a little redder again when Sue and Amy walked in. He said something to the woman with him, who put her hand on his forearm.

‘Is that Joyce or has he got remarried again?’ Sue asked.

Amy snorted. ‘He’s not wriggling out of this marriage.’

Ben walked towards them. Sue noticed that Joyce kept her hand on his forearm.

‘I was sorry to hear about your husband,’ Joyce said, giving Sue an unexpected air kiss.

‘She sent a card,’ Ben said.

‘Kent said you didn’t get his either,’ Joyce said quickly. ‘I’m sure you had hundreds.’

‘Thousands,’ Sue said. ‘Hundreds of them abusive according to the post room staff.’

‘Jesus Christ,’ Ben said. ‘Conspiracy theorist assholes?’

‘Mostly, I believe so,’ Sue said.

‘This is a fun conversation,’ Amy said. ‘And I can’t even drink.’

Sue drew herself up. ‘Your business appears to be thriving.’

‘Yeah, turns out plenty of assholes think advice they pay through the nose for is automatically better than advice they get from people they’re already paying.’

‘Which it is,’ Amy said firmly. ‘Because we are experts with years of experience and enviable pedigrees while they’re mostly just random college graduates.’

‘No more drink for you,’ Joyce said, taking Ben’s glass.

‘Did we get here late?’ Amy asked. ‘We said eight o’clock.’

‘Oh, you’re not late,’ Joyce said. ‘He started early.’

Amy adjusted her dress. ‘There’s General Wu, I better go and make him feel appreciated.’

‘With your breasts?’ she asked.

‘If necessary!’ Amy strode off towards the General.

‘They look great though,’ Joyce remarked.

‘Pregnancy and a push-up bra,’ Sue sniffed.

Ben looked over to Amy. ‘If I said something I’d be called creepy.’

‘It _would_ be creepy,’ Sue said.

‘It would be called sexual harassment,’ Joyce said.

Ben hiked up his pants. ‘I’m not the one running around getting interns pregnant. You want to talk to Kent about that.’

Joyce slapped his arm. ‘Stop it! You know that’s not what happened.’

‘Do you mean Leigh Patterson?’ Sue asked coldly. ‘Because I assure you that Kent was not the instigator.’

She knew, from the triumphant expression that flitted across his face, that she’d walked into some kind of trap.

‘That poor girl,’ Joyce said, shaking her head. ‘She was so young. Lee won’t remember her when he’s older. Children that age don’t have the ability the form many permanent memories.’

‘There’s photographs all over the house,’ Ben said. ‘Videos, all that shit.’

‘A photo isn’t the same,’ Joyce said.

‘Kent’s doing the best he can,’ Sue said.

‘How would you know?’ Ben asked. ‘You’ve been hanging out with him for like a month.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘I am entitled to my opinion.’

Ben took a deep breath. Joyce held up her hands.

‘Enough! I’m sure that Sue didn’t come to listen to your drunken rambling.’ Joyce grabbed his arm. ‘Oh look, here’s Kent. Have fun, Sue.’

Sue turned around as Kent approached.

‘Nothing suspicious there,’ Kent said dryly.

‘Ben doesn’t seem happy to see me,’ Sue said.

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘Perhaps he’s not forgiven you for abandoning us for the other side.’

‘It seemed more personal.’

‘Do you want me to ask him about it?’

Even with the support groups and his new business, Kent’s social circle still seemed painfully small.

‘No’, Sue said. ‘That’s not necessary. It doesn’t matter much.’

***

Sue was talking to a semi-famous commentator whom she was surprised to find in person stuttered every other word, when Ben stamped over.

‘I need to borrow Mrs Wilson-Levinson,’ he said.

‘Of course,’ the commentator said gallantly, and wandered away.

It appeared that Joyce had been as good as her word: Ben seemed fairly sober.

‘I had Amy ask you to come so you could do something with Kent,’ he said. ‘He’s in his office. Can you go gee him up? Fuck knows none of us can when he’s in this mood.’

If he had been less antagonistic then Sue would have asked more questions, but he had annoyed her, and she was in no mood to chat.

‘Where is his office?’ she asked.

‘I’ll show you,’ Ben said.

He had to walk a little faster to keep up with her longer stride. It would have been easy to slow her pace, but she was hardly minded to do anything for him. Babysitting Kent was why she was here, was it? Who did they think she was?

‘In here,’ Ben said, jerking his thumb at the door.

As she stepped forward, Ben caught her arm.

‘I know you’ve got about as much compassion as a crocodile, but for some reason he thinks a lot of you. Don’t hurt him again.’

Sue pulled her arm free. ‘For a man who claims to be a political expert, you don’t understand anything about people.’

‘Fine. Prove I’m fucking wrong.’

Sue put her hand on the door handle. ‘I’m going to talk to Kent because he’s my friend. I care about what he thinks. Not what you think.’

‘Guess that’s a start,’ Ben muttered behind her.

Sue opened the office door and walked inside. The lights were off, but the blinds were open. Stars and street lights, visible through the window, softly illuminated the room.

 Kent was stood by the window. He was just a silhouette of long limbs. As he raised his glass she heard the ice clinking.

‘This isn’t very sociable behaviour,’ Sue said, walking over to him.

She saw him glance in her direction, but he didn’t say anything. Sue took the glass from him and put it on the desk.

‘Why is Ben worrying about you?’ Sue asked.

‘Because Ben is the only one who is allowed to have more than one drink,’ he sneered.

‘Why are you hiding in the dark?’

‘Why are you harassing me?’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Your friends are worrying about you.’

He snorted in disbelief. ‘Sure.’

She sighed. ‘You could at least be an amusing or good-natured drunk.’

Now he looked at her. ‘I’m not drunk, and I don’t need your judgement.’

Sue folded her arms. ‘I don’t need your tone.’

‘Then feel free to leave,’ he retorted.

She stared at him. ‘I can’t do that.’

He narrowed his eyes. ‘Why not?’

‘People are worried about you,’ she said. ‘Now I’m worried about you.’

‘Christ.’ He covered his face with his hands. ‘I have to spend my life biting my tongue, keeping my temper, and keeping everything together. All I want to do is stand in my own _fucking_ office and feel like shit. Now apparently I can’t even do that!’

Sue was quiet for a moment. ‘Is there more?’

‘What?’

‘If you’re going to rant at me then do it properly. Get it out of your system.’

Kent sat on the edge of the desk. ‘I don’t need your permission to be annoyed.’

She sat next to him. ‘Certainly not. I am however giving you permission to express it. No biting your tongue or keeping your temper.’

Kent stared at his hands and said nothing.

‘If you like I could get Ben. Doubtless yelling at him would be satisfying.’

He shook his head.

Sue smoothed her dress. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she admitted.

‘I didn’t ask you to do anything.’

‘Amy did. Ben did.’ Sue looked at him. ‘They’re concerned.’

‘I am sick of people telling me that they’re worried or concerned,’ he snarled. ‘They only say it because they think it makes them look good. They’re out there gossiping about “poor fucking Kent, did you hear what happened?” It makes me sick.’ He stabbed his finger at Sue. ‘They’re doing the same with you. They don’t _care._ We’re gossip fodder.’

‘To some of them.’ Sue crossed her legs. ‘Is this really how you chose to spend your rare time in adult company?’

‘Evidently.’

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘This is so confusing.’

‘How so?’

She shrugged. ‘You give every inclination of having the situation entirely in hand. You’re clearly an excellent father, you have a good job –’

‘He’d be better off with his grandparents,’ Kent said quietly. ‘They certainly think so.’

‘Bullshit.’

He gave a startled look. Sue set her shoulders.

‘You heard me,’ she said. ‘That’s bullshit. Grandparents hand out candies and cuddles. Lee doesn’t just need indulgence; he needs discipline, protection, boundaries, and reassurance. He needs you.’

‘I’m doing it all wrong,’ he said.

‘You’re doing some of it wrong,’ Sue said. ‘Everyone does some of it wrong.’

Kent closed his eyes.

‘Don’t be so arrogant.’

He scowled. ‘What?’

‘You expect to be perfect when nobody has ever been perfect,’ she said.

Kent tilted his head. ‘Is this you being supportive? You’re taking an unusual tack.’

‘I’m being honest. You can always expect honesty from me.’

There was a knock on the door.

‘You okay in there?’ Joyce asked.

Kent pulled a face. ‘She’s worse than Ben.’

Sue went to the door and opened it a crack. ‘We’ll be out in a moment.’

‘Speak for yourself,’ Kent said.

Sue shot the door and walked back to him. ‘Is this making you feel better?’

‘Not noticeably,’ he said.

‘Then there’s no point in continuing,’ she said, holding out her hand. ‘If you’ll come outside with me then in half an hour or so I will take you for ice cream.’

Kent chuckled. ‘Are you bargaining with me?’

‘Yes, in this scenario I am you and you are Lee.’

He stood up. ‘I’m not doing as you asked because you offered me ice cream.’

‘You don’t want ice cream?’ she teased.

‘I want what I promised. I was promised ice cream,’ he said.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

He was still in a foul mood when they left the party, but he was obviously making an effort to be more personable.

‘Ice cream, honestly?’ he asked as she pushed open the door.

‘Did you not take me seriously?’

‘I didn’t think there would actually be somewhere open.’

She led him to a booth. ‘You should have more faith.’

‘Lee will be upset I didn’t bring him,’ Kent said wryly.

‘Don’t tell him,’ Sue said, looking at a menu. ‘You can surprise him with a visit.’

Kent shifted in his seat. ‘I don’t like lying to him.’

Sue looked at him. ‘That’s ridiculous. You have got to get out more. Are you dating?’

Kent stared at her. ‘Am I dating?’ he asked incredulously. ‘Are you joking?’

Sue swallowed. ‘I thought you and Elle weren’t a couple. Did I misunderstand?’

‘We weren’t, that’s not the point.’

‘I don’t understand what the point is,’ Sue said. ‘You’re single. You’re clearly starved of meaningful relationships with other adults. How is dating wrong?’

Kent shook his head. ‘His mother died a few months ago. He needs stability and reassurance. The same people in the same places in the same way. Day in and day out. Dating is out of the question.’

‘What about what you need?’ Sue asked.

‘It doesn’t matter what I need,’ he sighed. ‘Elle and I agreed we wouldn’t see other people while he was young. I don’t see any reason to change that.’

See raised her eyebrows. ‘I assume that was her idea?’

‘Meaning?’

‘Meaning she got pregnant and then expected you remain single while Lee was growing up,’ Sue said. ‘If she didn’t trap you into marriage then she did the next best thing.’

‘I’m going to order,’ he said, standing abruptly. ‘What do you want?’

‘The dark chocolate and mint sundae.’

He knew she was right, she was sure. Sue didn’t even blame the girl. She should have had the rest of her life ahead of her to date. Given Kent’s financial support it was far more sensible for her to prioritize caring for her child over finding a sexual partner. Kent was clearly an excellent father. It made perfect sense that she would prefer he not date. She wouldn’t want to risk him having less time, energy, and money to spend on Lee. It was cold and probably quite selfish, but it was logical and pragmatic.

‘You have the wrong idea about Leigh,’ Kent said, returning with the food. ‘She’s not some femme fatale. Her priority was always Lee. She wasn’t trying to... I don’t know.’

She could have corrected him. Perhaps she should have. She didn’t.

‘Alright,’ she said. ‘I apologise for upsetting you.’

He shook his head. ‘I know what you meant. It probably does sound suspicious.’ He picked up his spoon. ‘She didn’t suggest I not date. She would have never done that. She had decided not to seek companionship while Lee was young. However, she sometimes found it difficult.’ He pushed his spoon into his ice cream. ‘She had a romantic streak.’

‘Why did you agree not to date?’ Sue asked.

‘I suggested it to support her,’ he said. He ate a spoonful of ice cream. ‘I hadn’t dated in some months at that point so I’m afraid it was rather a token gesture.’

Sue took a bite of her ice cream. ‘A gesture you’re going to continue on with?’

Kent shook his head. ‘Dating now would be selfish, immature, and impractical.’

‘Married men are healthier, happier, and live longer.’ Sue said.

‘Again, this isn’t about me,’ Kent said. ‘It’s about Lee, and don’t say that what’s good for me is good for him. I guarantee you that he doesn’t want to share the only parent he has left.’

Sue winced. ‘As you like.’

Kent twirled his spoon. ‘Where’s Rochester?’

‘At my mother’s. I’ll pick him up on the way home,’ she said.

‘Don’t trust him alone?’

Sue sucked a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. ‘I would trust him to get anxious and chew up my pillows or feel abandoned and pee on the bed.’

‘Ah. I can see how that would be problematic,’ he agreed. ‘Is there a reason he’s so... fragile?’

‘He’s a dog,’ sue said. ‘They don’t do well away from their owners. I can entirely understand why you prefer cats.’

‘You’re not going to sit there and pretend to be indifferent to him,’ Kent said. ‘I’ve seen you petting him. I’ve seen you playing with him.’

Sue frowned. ‘He’s a good dog. I’m not saying otherwise.’

‘He’s a _dog_ ,’ Kent said. ‘You can admit to loving your dog. Sue. It’s not a sign of weakness.’ He leaned forward and lowered his voice. ‘I promise I won’t tell your mother. Cross my heart.’

‘Asshole.’

***

Kent glanced at his watch as they walked to the end of the block.

‘Am I keeping you up?’ Sue asked tartly.

‘Yes, and I’m keeping Laurence and Judith up,’ Kent said.

Sue gave him a questioning look.

‘Leigh’s parents,’ he said. ‘They’re babysitting. I have to go home and relieve them.’

Sue took his arm. ‘I assumed he stayed with them.’

‘No. He didn’t like doing it before the accident. Since then... We tried a couple of times, but he became hysterical. It’s difficult enough going out when he’s at home.’

‘He’ll have to get accustomed to it,’ Sue said. ‘He’ll have school soon.’

Kent winced. ‘I know. The therapist is certain that he’ll be ready. I wish I shared her conviction.’

See thought about it. ‘I assume you did all kinds of research and found an excellent therapist.’

‘I did.’

‘Then you should have some faith,’ she said. ‘Although the specifics may be unique to Lee, I am sure that you found a therapist well-experienced at helping grieving children. Yes?’

‘Depressingly so,’ Kent said.

Sue sighed. ‘I think this is where we part.’

‘I can wait while your Uber arrives,’ Kent said.

‘I wouldn’t like to put out Laurence and Judith.’

He shrugged. ‘They’re not going to die if they have to wait ten minutes.’

She nodded. ‘I would appreciate that, thank you.’

***

There were sacks of letters. Sue glared balefully at the post room workers.

‘POTUS wanted to know how many they were,’ the senior man said.

‘How many is a number,’ Sue said. ‘It is a number written on a piece of paper or sent in an email.’

‘Was I supposed to print out the emails?’ asked an intern.

‘No,’ Sue said firmly. ‘The analysis you did of them was sufficient.’

Candi walked into the room and whistled. ‘These the letters demanding an inquiry?’

‘We also received 1793 emails, 623 phone calls, forty-seven texts, and 12 faxes,’ Sue said.

Candi blinked. ‘We have a fax?’

‘Given the level of technological expertise in our supporters, I was merely surprised we didn’t receive any telegrams,’ Sue said.

‘How about tweets?’ Candi asked.

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘Letters may be archaic, but they take actual effort, as do emails. Texts are the last line of reasonable communication. Any baboon with access to a cell phone can “like” or “retweet” on Twitter. They’re hardly comparable.’

‘Maybe they can,’ Candi said, ‘but they probably wouldn’t. But sure, we can count tweets like… a quarter of a letter or an email.’

'I suppose so,' Sue said grudgingly.

‘How many are there?’ Candi asked.

The intern checked her cell. ‘Um, for the main tweet, um, 38,964 likes and 15,241 retweets so far.’

‘Shit,’ said Candi.

POTUS walked out of her office. She looked at the sacks of letters.

‘All of these?’

‘We took out all the threats and crazy conspiracy stuff,’ the senior man said.

Sue was near enough to see Montez’s composure flicker at being addressed by such a menial person. It was odd: Selina Meyer never had that issue. There was, in her mind, Selina, and then there was everyone else. It was as close to egalitarianism as a politician was capable of coming.

‘Inquiries take years sometimes,’ Candi said. ‘We can’t magically speed them up.’

‘There is a belief that political corruption allowed the companies to get away with subpar maintenance,’ Sue and. ‘That people died as a consequence of political lobbying.’

‘Is that what you think?’ POTUS asked.

‘I think the likelihood of an inquiry digging out the truth is very low,’ Sue said. ‘When that fails to happen I don’t think that anyone will be convinced. I know I won’t be.’

‘Would you come into my office?’

‘Of course, Ma’am,’ Sue said, standing up. She saw the other staffers exchanging wary looks. She didn’t care.

Montez sat on the couch and gestured for Sue to sit opposite her. That was a good sign. You didn’t offer someone the couch to fire them.

‘I hope you know, Sue, that we never overlooked safety regulations,’ Montez said.

‘No Ma’am, you merely weakened them repeatedly until they were essentially meaningless.’ Sue smoothed her skirt.

Montez licked her lips. ‘I appreciate your pain and I hear it. However, it is much too early to determine the causes of the incident.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Ma’am, I am not a member of the public. Kindly do not give me politician’s answers.’

Montez sighed. ‘Okay. You know that I’m beholden to my party, Sue, and my constituents. Reducing regulations is very important to them. I don’t have the freedom to fly in the face of that.’

‘You are beholden to your donors,’ Sue said. ‘They are the ones demanding that regulations be reduced. Big businesses who have worked out the value of a human life to dollars and cents. They don’t care that people have died, only that their share prices may drop. In doing their bidding, you are complicit. ln undermining public safety we are also partly responsible for every death.’

Montez clasped her hands together. ‘If I believed this was going to be the consequence, I would have never had gone along with the deregulations.’

‘You gambled, Ma’am, and we lost. I understand the political realities. I hope you appreciate the human ones.’

***

‘You should sell your story,’ Grace said. ‘Before the other widows flood the market. Some of them have children, but you have insider scoop.’

Sue drew her feet up onto the couch. ‘I’m not allowed to talk to the press.’

‘Is it a contract thing? We’ll get a lawyer.’

Sue sipped her coffee. ‘Mom, I’m not trying to break my contract simply so that I can make a few dollars.’

Her mother put her feet up on the footstool. ‘What’s the point of being widowed in a terrible accident if you can’t make some money?’

Sue leaned down to pet Rochester. ‘There’s no _point_. It simply happened. Besides, we’re not supposed to say anything until the inquiry. It might prejudice things.’

Her mother was thoughtful. ‘Will you give evidence?’

‘Not if I can avoid it,’ Sue said. ‘I have no desire to dredge up my emotions and serve them on a platter to be gawked at and judged.’

Grace nodded. ‘So undignified. All this nonsense about therapists and talking about their feelings. People need to be less obsessed with how they feel.’

Sue looked at her over the cup she was holding. ‘You feel very strongly about it.’

‘Yes.’ Grace narrowed her eyes. ‘Don’t sass me, Susan.’

‘But it’s amusing,’ Sue said.

Grace waved her hand. ‘What are you doing about your birthday?’

‘Nothing, I’m not a child.’

‘Last year you had a party. With cake,’ Grace accused.

‘Last year I had a husband who thought I needed to be in touch with my inner child,’ Sue said.

They both shuddered.

‘Do you see his family?’ Grace asked.

Sue’s grip on her mug increased. ‘Rarely. At the funeral. At their anniversary in February. It was a miserable affair. I doubt I’ll be invited again.’

Grace clucked her tongue. ‘It’s very sad, there’s nothing as unnatural as a parent outliving their child. Nonetheless you are young and should move on. I want grandchildren, Susan.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Rochester is the only grandchild you are ever getting from me.’

Grace ignored her. ‘Did you meet any men at that party Amy invite you to?’

‘At BKD? No.’

‘All those businessmen, generals, and politicians and you couldn’t snag one? You should at least have given your number out to some people. Susan you’re not trying hard enough,’ she scolded.

‘I’m not trying at all,’ Sue said.

Grace rolled her eyes. ‘Two weeks for every year together, that’s how long it takes.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘That’s for a breakup, not a bereavement, and I certainly don’t consider _Cosmopolitan_ to be a legitimate resource for my grieving process.’

‘Doug would want you to move on.’

‘Not after six months he wouldn’t,’ Sue said. ‘He would be rightly insulted. If I had died and he began dating six months later, I would come back and haunt him.’

Grace snorted. ‘Men are different. It takes them longer to recover. A man loses a wife and suddenly he has to do everything for himself. It’s a lot of work! A woman loses a husband she has a lot less to do.’

Sue scratched the top of Rochester’s head. ‘Kent wasn’t even married, and he found himself solely in charge of a small child.’

Grace scowled. ‘What does that man have to do with it?’

‘The mother of his child was killed in the accident. I’m sure I told you,’ Sue said breezily.

She knew that she hadn’t. She had carefully avoided all mention of Kent until she was feeling more confident about tackling her mother’s trenchant dislike.

Grace sat back in her chair. ‘He has a child?’

‘A son,’ Sue said.

‘Healthy?’

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘As far as I’m aware. He’s very young. His fourth birthday is next month.’

Grace made a “humph” sound. ‘I wouldn’t have thought a man that age could successfully reproduce.’

‘Welcome to learning new things,’ Sue aid.

‘Don’t get sucked into that,’ Grace warned. ‘He’ll die, and you’ll be stuck raising the child.’

Sue tensed her shoulders. ‘I believe Kent is in good health. Nonetheless you may rest assured that he and I are not dating, nor do we have any intention of doing so.’

Grace crunched a cookie. ‘He was obsessed with you.’

Sue’s stomach clenched. ‘He was in love with me.’

‘Huh. Whatever that means. It made you uncomfortable, and rightly so. Who does he think he is going around declaring love at the drop of a hat? He should know better, a man of his age.’

Sue had agreed, at the time. Now she wasn’t sure.

Grace was looking at her expectantly.

‘What?’ Sue asked.

‘Is there likely to be compensation from the accident?’ Grace prompted.

‘Not without a lawsuit,’ Sue said. ‘Kent hasn’t mentioned anything. He’s involved with the support groups.’

Grace brushed crumbs from her hands. ‘He would be,’ she sniffed. ‘Don’t let them cut you out, Susan. If they’re going for a group lawsuit make sure that you’re in on that.’

‘A mass action lawsuit,’ Sue said.

‘That’s what I said.’

***

Rochester took off at high speed, long fur streaming in the breeze. He chased after Lee barking wildly, as Lee's arms pin wheeling as he ran in circles.

‘Look at those idiots,’ Sue said wryly. ‘They’re getting nowhere.’

‘It’s about the journey not the destination,’ Kent said with a smile. ‘And Lee’s going to sleep in the car home.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that desirable? I thought you enjoyed his company.’

Kent looked innocent. ‘I absolutely love his company. If he is quiet and peaceful, well, that’s not something I’m going to complain about.’

‘I haven’t notice that happening much,’ Sue said dryly.

‘Elle’s parents believed that children should be silent unless spoken to, sit quietly, and basically make themselves as unobtrusive as possible. They shouldn’t have their own opinions and they certainly shouldn’t offer them up unless they’re requested. She disagreed and decided to do differently.’

Sue looked across at Lee. ‘She seems to have been successful and the more I hear of them the less I like them,’ he said. ‘Are they elderly?’

He winced. ‘I hope that you wouldn’t consider them so. They’re in their early sixties. They did have her rather late in life.’

‘Instead of being old enough to be her grandfather you were merely old enough to be her father,’ Sue said. ‘That’s good to know.’

He frowned at her. ‘I’m well aware or your distaste for my brief relationship with Leigh. There’s no need to reference it every time she’s mentioned.’

‘It was a joke,’ Sue said.

‘Was it? Are you sure?’

Sue looked at him. ‘It wasn’t my intention to irritate you,’ she said. ‘I thought we were comfortable enough to tease each other.’

Kent sighed. ‘Are we comfortable enough to admit that you weren’t teasing me?’

‘No.’

‘I thought not.’

After a few moments, Sue took his arm.

‘I suppose this inquiry petition is all the news at the support groups,’ Sue said.

‘It’s a contentious issue,’ Kent admitted. He looked at her. ‘It must put you in a difficult position at work.’

‘I have had words with POTUS,’ Sue said.

‘You yelled at the president?’

‘Certainly not.’ She gave him a small smirk. ‘Although I recall you raising your voice to President Meyer on one occasion.’

Kent pursed his lips. ‘You weren’t even in the room.’

‘I didn’t have to be, Gary and Ben were. By the end of the day the rumour was that you’d yelled at her to shut up and listen.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘I certainly never did that.’

‘Shame,’ she said.

A movement caught Kent’s attention. He turned sharply. ‘What the hell?’

There were a couple of people at the edge of the park taking photographs. Taking photographs it seemed of Rochester and Lee.

‘Here, boy!’ Sue called, as Kent strode off towards them.

Rochester came streaming towards her, with Lee tumbling behind him. The little boy was red-faced and breathless, but grinning.

‘Where’s Daddy?’

‘He’s just... talking to those men,’ Sue said.

‘Daddy looks mad,’ Lee said sagely.

Sue had to agree. Kent was scowling and had his fists planted on his hips. He did that to prevent himself from doing something more aggressive, like poking a finger. Or taking a swing. She started to walk towards them, but Lee followed her.

Damn.

She knew her mother wouldn’t have thought twice about Sue being present while having a confrontation, however she was quite sure Kent would not want Lee present for one. Sue pulled a tennis ball from her bag.

‘Rochester, fetch,’ she said, throwing the ball.

They both hared off after it. She quickly crossed over to Kent.

‘Is there a problem?’ she asked.

‘We have every right to –’

‘You have no right to take photographs of my son,’ Kent interrupted.

‘I’m calling the police,’ Sue said. ‘I’m sure they take reports of perverts stalking parks extremely seriously.’

‘Now look!’

Kent turned as Lee and Rochester ran over with the ball. He scooped up Lee and glanced at Sue.

‘I’m dealing with it,’ Sue said, tapping in the number.

‘We’re trying to expose a huge conspiracy that –’

Sue held up her finger as her call was picked up. ‘Yes. I want to report two men taking photographs of small children. They expressly do not have the parent’s permission and –’

‘You can’t silence the truth!’

‘You wouldn’t know it if it ran you over,’ Sue said.

***

‘That must have been an event,’ Doctor Meade said. ‘Do you know why they were there?’

Sue crossed her arms. ‘Apparently they’re targeting the children of those killed in the accident. They seem to think that if a child is pictured smiling or playing then they can’t be bereaved.’

Doctor Meade took off his glasses and cleaned them. ‘That’s not how anyone grieves, let alone children. A child who six months after a death was unable to play and didn’t smile at all would be of extreme concern.’

Sue snorted. ‘These people aren’t interested in facts.’

‘Have you had any trouble with them?’

She straightened her sleeves. ‘No more than before. Kent said a number of people at the support group have been harassed; people following them, abusive messages and the like.’

‘Have you given any more thought to joining a group? If the inquiry is being fast tracked then additional support might be helpful.’

‘The support group currently being targeted by lunatics?’

Meade shrugged. ‘Aside from that.’

Sue fixed him with a look. ‘I don’t do groups,’ she said. ‘Even if I did, this would not be a helpful group. There is so much momentum building blaming the deregulations for the accident that I suspect I would be crushed.’

‘You think you might be blamed?’

‘I’m a member of the administration,’ Sue said. ‘Anger is rarely thoughtful in its’ assignment of blame.’

Meade leaned back. ‘Does Kent blame you?’

Sue thought about it. ‘He’s given no indication. We don’t talk much about the accident. He’s no fool. He’ll know that deregulation allowed corner cutting. He’ll know why it was pursued. I doubt he blames me.’

‘Do you blame yourself?’ Doctor Meade asked.

‘Of course,’ she said.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Sue drank three shots of vodka in quick succession. Then she poured herself a large glass of wine. She didn’t like vodka. It served a purpose, nothing more. It burned in her belly as she undressed. It coursed through her limbs as she sank into the bathtub. It let her smile as she closed her eyes and floated in the water.

She took a tiny sip of wine. Kent hadn’t said anything about her drinking. He didn’t have to. It was hypocritical, frankly. On the rare occasions that Lee was at his grandparents or Kent’s sisters, Sue knew that Kent drank.

Sue pushed the thought away. She was a little tipsy, that was all, she was in a hot bath, and everything was peaceful and quiet. She took another sip of wine. She had allocated an hour in her schedule for this. A rare treat.

Her cell phone rang. Fuck.

She put down her wine, leaned over to the cabinet, and picked up her cell.

KENT DAVISON CALLING

She frowned. He never called her this early. She accepted the call and switched to speaker.

‘Hello?’

There was rustling, and the sound of someone breathing.

‘Kent? Have you butt dialled me?’

‘Hello?’ a quiet, high-pitched voice asked.

‘Who is this?’ Sue asked. ‘Is it Lee?’

‘Daddy won’t wake up.’

Sue dropped the cell. It clattered down onto the floor. Shit! Shit! She scrambled out of the bath.

‘I’m on my way,’ she said, grabbing the cell. ‘I’ll be there soon. Wait for me, okay?’

‘Okay,’ he said.

She thought he sounded like he might cry. She knew how he felt.

She ran from the bathroom, calling for an Uber as she went. She pulled on underwear, a t-shirt, and jeans, pulled her hair into a scrunchie, and shoved her feet into her training shoes. She called Ben but got no answer.

Then she put a leash on Rochester and tumbled outside as the Uber arrived.

***

Lee was looking through the kitchen window when she arrived. His hair hadn’t been brushed and he was still in his pyjamas. His face was red and stained with tears. When he saw Sue, he managed a wavering half-smile and banged on the window with his palm.

‘Is your daddy still asleep?’ Sue called.

Lee nodded and pointed at the ceiling.

‘Can you unlock the door?’

He shook his head.

Shit.

Sue looked at the door. There was a small glass window far out of reach of the door handle, even if the key had been in there.

‘Lee, can you open the window for me?’ she called.

He grabbed the window lever and yanked at it fruitlessly. Sue chewed her lip and scanned the building. There was a window open upstairs. Right.

‘Lee, keep an eye on Rochester for me,’ she said, tying his leash to the door handle.

Sue tested the drainpipe. It seemed secure enough. She put her bag on her back and started climbing up.

Rochester whined softly.

This was one of the stupidest things she had ever done, and she had worked for Selina Meyer. Her head was swimming. The building was swaying. She was pretty sure she was going to throw up. If she fell. Lee was going to see it.

To hell with that.

The open window was a couple of feet away now. Sue braced her feet and reached for it. The drainpipe creaked as she pulled herself over. She pulled herself up, wriggled through the gap, and crashed onto the door.

It knocked the breath out of her. She lay on the floor for a moment, trying to suck in air. The house was quiet.

The room lurched as she pulled herself to her feet. This had to be Lee’s room. There were an alarming number of stuffed toys and Disney posters.

‘Hello?’ Lee called.

‘I’m here,’ Sue groaned, staggering out. She stumbled downstairs, grabbed the backdoor key, retrieved Rochester, and staggered back upstairs.

She was absolutely going to throw up.

Kent was in bed. He was shivering and sweat was beaded on his face and chest.

Sue put her hand to his forehead.

‘Daddy okay?’ Lee asked, clinging to the bedroom door.

‘I think he has flu,’ Sue said. She remembered who she was talking to. ‘He’s poorly. I’ll call a doctor. Do you have Kent’s cell phone?’

‘Um. I don’t know.’

‘Can you look for it?’ she prompted.

‘Okay.’

She wiped off her hands. She poured Kent a fresh glass of water, opened his bedroom window, and used a wipe from the packet to freshen him up.

There was a little more silver in his hair, a little more grey in his moustache and chest hair, but he looked much the same as when she first met him. The only noticeable difference at the moment was that he needed a shave. Stubble prickled along his cheeks and jawbone.

Lee shuffled into the room, holding Kent’s cell balanced precariously in his upturned palms.

‘Good,’ Sue said, taking it. ‘Thank you,’ she added. She thumbed it on and the lock screen came up. She looked at Lee. ‘Do you know how to do this?’

‘Daddy does up, sideways, down,’ Lee said, gesturing with his fingers.

‘So much for security,’ Sue said unlocking the phone.

Lee whined and shifted from foot to foot.

‘What’s the matter?’ Sue asked suspiciously.

‘I need to poop.’

Sue told the doctor the problem, then looked at Lee. ‘Go poop.’

‘I can’t reach.’

She sighed. ‘I see. Go in the bathroom. I’ll come help you.’

As he scurried away, she finished talking to the doctor and thumbed off the cell.

‘You owe me,’ she said to Kent.

Lee was moaning softly when she got into the bathroom. He had stood on a small plastic step, and pushed down his pyjama pants, but couldn’t quite reach the toilet seat.

Sue averted her eyes and lifted him up.

There was an awkward, loud, moment that went on a surprisingly long time. ‘How can someone so small have so much poop?’ Sue asked.

‘Um, I don’t know.’

Kent’s cell began to chime. The display said “GPs.”

‘Stay there,’ Sue said, picking it up and stepping into the hallway. ‘Yes?’

There was a pause. ‘Who is this?’ a woman asked.

‘Sue Wilson-Levinson. Who is this?’

‘KJ called. Let me talk to him.’

‘There’s no KJ here,’ Sue said.

‘He called me.’

‘You must have the wrong number. Goodbye.’

In the bathroom, Lee was stood on the little step with pyjamas around his ankles.

‘Are you done?’ she asked.

‘Need to wipe,’

‘Then wipe,’ she said.

‘Daddy does it,’ he said.

Sue sighed. ‘Right.’

‘Then we wash our hands,’ Lee said.

She nodded grimly. ‘We will certainly be doing that.’

***

The doctor arrived as Sue was making coffee. Lee hid under the couch.

‘I’m starting to take that personally,’ the doctor said cheerfully.

‘He’s done it before?’ Sue asked.

‘He’s not a fan of meeting new people,’ the doctor said. ‘Or one he knows might give him vaccinations.’

After he went upstairs, Sue found something for Rochester to eat. Then she sat in front of the couch. She could see Lee’s legs but not his face.

‘Lee would you like breakfast?’

‘Daddy lets me have a donut,’ Lee said in a muffled voice. ‘Me and Daddy go to the donut shop and he lets me pick a donut and I have it for my breakfast.’

Sue pursed her lips. While donuts were hardly a healthful breakfast, the boy was having an objectively even worse morning than Sue was. A donut didn’t seem like an outrageous comfort food under the circumstances.

‘Do you know where the donut shop is?’ she asked.

‘Um, it’s by the scary house near the shop with green whizzers.’

It’s like trying to decode a Navajo code talker, she thought.

Rochester barked. Someone banged on the door.

‘KJ, are you in there?’ a woman called.

‘Nana!’ Lee squealed, scrambling out from under the couch. ‘Nana! Nana! Nana!’

Sue followed him to the door. ‘Do you know who this lady is?’

‘It’s Nana,’ he said, as if it was obvious.

‘Is she your mother’s mother or your father’s mother?’ Sue asked.

Lee looked blank. ‘She’s Nana.’

Sue shook her head lightly and opened the door. The couple stood outside were what she knew someone like Amy would call “tweedy academics.” They looked quite smart, in their sixties, and as if they hadn’t had to deal with the real world in decades. The woman was small with shoulder-length fading blonde hair, a round face, and large blue eyes. The man was about six feet tall with collar length silvery-grey hair, hazel eyes, and a close-cropped silvering beard.

Hmm.

Lee leapt into the woman’s arms.

‘Nana, daddy wouldn’t wake up and I called daddy’s phone and Sue climbed the house and climbed in the window and brought the puppy in and helped me poop and called the doctor and the doctor came and I hid under the couch!’

‘Goodness. All that?’

The man was looking at Sue. ‘Who are you?’

‘Sue Wilson-Levinson,’ she said. ‘And you?’

‘Laurence Patterson,’ he said. He waved a hand at the woman. ‘Judith.’

The grandparents. Wonderful.

‘Is Kent expecting you?’ Sue asked.

‘KJ called us and said that Kent wouldn’t wake up,’ Judith said, standing up. ‘Was it you that I spoke to on the telephone?’

‘I speak to a lot of people,’ Sue said briskly. ‘As you can see, the situation is under control. Would you like a cup of coffee before you go?’

Lee looked up at Sue. ‘I want a donut.’

‘You can’t have a donut for breakfast,’ Laurence said. ‘What cereal do you have?’

‘Daddy takes me for a donut,’ he protested.

‘Your daddy is ill,’ Judith said coolly. ‘But when he’s better we can ask him.’

They clearly didn’t believe him. That alone made him instantly more credible.

‘I’ll take you for donuts later,’ Sue said to Lee. ‘Deal?’

He held his hand up. ‘High five!’

Sue put her hand up. Lee high-fived her and giggled.

‘If Kent is ill then it would be best if KJ came with us for the weekend,’ Judith suggested.

Sue smiled thinly. ‘Let’s see what Kent says.’ She stood aside to let them inside.

Just as she was about to close the door, she saw Joyce drive up.

She looked at Lee. ‘How many people did you call?’

He shrugged, a hilarious exaggerated gesture he seemed to be copying from a mime artist. ‘I don’t know.’

***

Kent looked at Sue blearily. ‘Hello.’

‘Hello,’ she said.

Lee lay down with his head against Kent’s chest.

‘What’s going on?’ Kent asked.

‘You’re sick. Lee was concerned and called half your phone contacts,’ Sue said. ‘His grandparents are downstairs, along with Joyce Cafferty. Someone called Jesus just left, as have Amy, Dan, and a pizza delivery man. Jesus was on an enormous motorcycle.’

Kent squinted at her. ‘Pizza delivery man?’

‘He was in the area, otherwise he would have called the police. You must be a good tipper.’

‘I guess so.’ Kent stroked Lee’s head.

‘Laurence and Judith want to take Lee with them for the weekend but –’

Lee shook his head. ‘No! I don’t want to go!’ he wailed.

Sue gestured at him. ‘But he doesn’t want to go,’ she said dryly. ‘He’s had breakfast and brushed his teeth. He says he washes in the evening. So apart from getting dressed there’s not a lot else to do.’

Kent play with Lee’s hair. ‘It’s his class today.’

‘Class?’

‘The class you bought me,’ he said. ‘We’ve been looking forward to it.’ He groaned. ‘I suppose Judith or Laurence could take him.’

It was petty, and it was childish, Sue knew that, but she rebelled at the idea of them using her money to spend time with Lee. They were annoying, certainly, but they made Kent doubt his parenting. That was intolerable.

‘I’ll take him,’ Sue said.

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘You’ll take him?’

‘It’s only a couple of hours,’ Sue said, already regretting it.

‘Lee, Sue says she’ll take you to your class,’ Kent said. ‘Then you can come back here, and you can show me what you made. Okay?’

Lee buried his face in Kent’s chest.

‘Okay?’ Kent prompted.

‘Okay,’ Lee mumbled.

‘I’ll have to leave Rochester here,’ Sue said.’

Kent nodded. ‘Sure. As long I don’t have to walk him.’

‘Will you be able to come downstairs?’ Sue asked.

Kent winced. ‘On my hands and knees maybe. Why?’

‘Laurence and Judith are reluctant to leave,’ she said dryly.

He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. ‘Can you pass me a shirt?’

She helped him collect clothes and then looked away as he struggled to dress.

‘You’re not going to anything you haven’t seen before,’ Kent said dryly.

‘I would expect you to respect my privacy,’ Sue said.

‘We both know it’s not the same thing,’ Kent said, his breath catching at the effort of moving. ‘Lee, sit on the bed.’

Sue glanced at the mirror on the wardrobe door. It reflected Kent as he pulled on a t-shirt. His chest was still defined, and his arms were still fairly muscled. Her own training had suffered recently. She struggled to summon up the energy to go to the gym when just going to work was a tough.

‘I put the phone down on Judith when she called,’ Sue said. ‘She kept talking about KJ and I told her she had the wrong number.’

Kent chuckled. ‘Oh, I see. That’s understandable.’ He groaned as he pulled on his sweatpants. ‘Can you help me to the stairs?’

***

Joyce was much too enthusiastic about taking them to the bakery. She strapped Lee into the child seat and skipped around to the drivers’ seat.

‘Are you excited to learn to cook?’ Joyce asked, looking back at him.

‘Yes.’ He played with the ear of the teddy bear he was holding. ‘Daddy said he’ll go with me next time.’

Joyce glanced at Sue. ‘He doesn’t mean anything by it."

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘I’m only here because Kent is sick. I don’t care.’

Joyce gave a horribly knowing smile. ‘Of course.’

‘No, seriously. I’m only doing this as a favour.’

‘Absolutely,’ Joyce said, still smiling. ‘You came running over, climbed up a drainpipe, and through a window, as a _favour_.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘Lee, cover your ears!

‘Ugh,’ Lee complained, and clapped his hands over his ears.

Sue lowered her nice. ‘Lee told me that Kent wouldn’t wake up. I was afraid he was dead. _That’s_ why I went running over there.’

Joyce sighed. ‘But you like Kent a _little_. Right?’

‘No,’ Sue said firmly. ‘He’s my friend.’

***

‘Look! Look at me!’ Lee giggled,

Sue looked at him and smiled. ‘You’re a little young for a moustache.’

‘It’s chocolate,’ he said.

‘Let me take a photograph,’ Sue said.

‘Send it to daddy,’ Lee said.

‘I’m going to,’ Sue said taking the photograph.

‘Send it to nana and grandpa,’ he suggested.

Sue frowned. ‘I don’t have their number. Perhaps your father can send it.’ She looked at him. ‘With that moustache you look a little bit like your daddy.’

He grinned at her, and then looked at the small bowl of flour.

‘Don’t even consider that,’ Sue said, waggling a wooden spoon at him. ‘That’s for the chocolate cake.’

‘Aww.’ He gave her a mischievous smile.

It was the same mischievous smile she had seen on Kent’s face once or twice.

‘Chocolate cake will be much better,’ Sue promised.

‘Boo.’

The truth was that she wasn’t having a _completely_ terrible time. Lee was the youngest child there, but not by much. They were accompanied by parents of a wide variety of ages and backgrounds. Judging by some of the looks she attracted, quite a number of them were single fathers. There had been some flirting looks that she had no intention of ever following up, since she was never going to be here again, but it was still quite flattering. That was, of course, after the initial curiosity as to why she was there with a blond-haired, blue-eyed, Caucasian child. That he addressed her by her first name probably meant that some of them assumed she was his stepmother while others assumed she was the nanny, depending on their whim. She might have cared, if she had any intention of seeing any of them ever again.

‘Is daddy going to be okay?’ Lee said. He was staring at the mixture as he stirred it.

‘I think so,’ Sue said. ‘He doesn’t feel very well.’

Lee scowled at the bowl. ‘Is he going to die?’

‘I don’t think so. He was already feeling better when we left.’ Sue watched him carefully. ‘Would you like me to call him?’

‘Yes, please.’

Lee was actually one of the better-behaved children. He listened to instructions, mostly, he hadn’t attempted to eat his ingredients, and he hadn’t had a tantrum. Admittedly he had used a tiny amount of chocolate cream to paint on a moustache, but in its own way that was rather charming. He must have inherited that from Kent. Leigh had certainly never shown any sign of charisma. Kent was often awkward and uncomfortable, but there were moments, when he was relaxed, when he was confident, that he could be charming.

Doug was charming, in a self-consciously “dorky” way. Learning that it was a deliberate choice had put some women off, but Sue found it rather intriguing. He was a man who understood why charisma might be off-putting, that there were times when being a little socially awkward was much more trustworthy and reliable than being smooth and polished. Some women would have found it cold and calculating. Sue had thought it a sign of intelligence.

While the chocolate cupcakes were baking, they cleaned up in the sink. Lee insisted on wearing his little apron while he “washed up,” which mostly consisted of him splashing the little brush into the water and then handing the items to Sue. When he finished she washed them again while he played on his tablet.

‘I miss daddy,’ Lee said as they wrapped up the cooled cupcakes to take them home.

‘We’ll see him soon,’ Sue said. ‘We’re going to go home now.’

Lee’s face fell. ‘You said we could get donuts.’

Donuts on top of chocolate cake was obviously ridiculous. Nobody needed that much sugar, least of all a small child.

She had promised him. He had been waiting patiently for hours.

‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘I promised we would buy donuts. Promises are important. This is a bakery. Shall we see if they have some donuts here?’

Lee grabbed her hand. ‘I like cookie dough and mommy likes custard. What do you like, Sue?’

It was the fact that he grabbed her hand that so threw her. It was unexpected. Unprompted.  

Sue had both a niece and nephew. She didn’t see them often. They certainly never spontaneously touched her. Lee didn’t even seem to notice that she was surprised. That he seemed to know exactly where in the bakery the donuts were didn’t surprise her. She had noticed that Lee had a homing beacon when it came to sweet things.

The scent of sugar rising from the cases was almost overpowering.

‘Can I help you?’ the server asked.

Lee hid behind Sue’s legs.

‘What’re you doing?’ Sue asked.

‘I’m shy.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘You’re not shy with me.’

‘You’re my friend,’ he said, as if it were obvious.

Sue looked at the server. ‘He says that he’s shy.’

The server nodded companionably. ‘Do you know what he wants?’

‘A moment please.’ Sue looked at Lee. ‘Do you want cookie dough or something else?’

He twisted his toe into the floor as he thought. ‘Umm. Cookie dough.’

‘What do you say?’

‘Please.’

She turned to the server. ‘A cookie dough donut please, a raspberry and dark chocolate donut and... Lee, what flavour does your daddy like?’

He edged past her and pointed at a plain donut with a sprinkling of sugar, then he shot back behind her.

‘And one of those,’ Sue said.

Lee tugged at her hand. ‘Can we get a donut for Rochester?’ he whispered.

Sue shook her hood. ‘Dogs shouldn’t eat people food. It’s very bad for them. Especially cakes and sugary things.’

‘Chocolate is poisonous for dogs,’ the server said, potting the box on the counter.

‘Chocolate is poisonous for dogs?’ Lee repeated, incredulous enough to forget his shyness.

‘That’s right. I have special chocolate for Rochester but it’s only for treats.’

‘It doesn’t poison him?’ Lee checked.

‘No.’ Sue paid and picked up the box. ‘Are you ready to go?’

He nodded and took her hand. ‘We can eat donuts with daddy.’

‘Yes, we can.’

 


	8. Chapter 8

Kent was still on the couch when they got back. The blanket that Sue had tucked around him was still in place, but that was probably because of Rochester lying across his feet and the two cats lay across his stomach and chest.

‘Get your own dog,’ Sue said.

‘I woke up and he was there,’ Kent said. ‘I thought the cats would protect me, but they appear to have teamed up.’

‘We got donuts, daddy!’ Lee bounced up and down on his toes. ‘Rochester can’t have any. Chocolate is poison to dogs! Sue bought donuts. We went to baking and we made cake and I put on an apron and I had a moustache and put icing on the cakes and a man kept looking at Sue and I put the ingredients in the bowl.’

Kent rubbed his eyes. ‘That sounds like you had a lot of fun. Lee, why don’t you go and get three plates so that we can have some of these donuts?’

‘Okay.’

Sue hung up her jacket. ‘Would you like a coffee?’

‘Desperately,’ Kent said.

‘Good, I’ll make some.’ She looked at Lee as he returned. ‘Do you want a... what is that thing he drinks in coffeeshops?’

‘A babyccino,’ Kent said.

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘One of those.’

‘Yes please,’ Lee said, trying to sit on the couch with Kent.

Sue left them to it while she went to make the coffee. She was hungry and more than a little twitchy. It had been a day of stress, panic, and babysitting, when she had planned to decompress and relax. She took several deep breaths. She would have her coffee, eat something, and take Rochester for a run. She need to get rid of this excess anxious energy. Not that she was anxious. That wasn’t Sue. She just wasn’t sure of a better name up for it. Pent up energy. Something like that.

Kent was sat up now, with the two irate-looking cats displaced to the seat beside him, and Lee sat on his lap. As she walked down into the room, Rochester trotted over and hung around her legs.

‘Now you want attention?’

He barked once and climbed on her feet when she sat down.

‘I need this,’ Kent said, taking his coffee.

‘You need to stay hydrated,’ Sue said. ‘I’ll get you some water before I leave.’

Kent nodded. ‘I appreciate you coming around.’

She shrugged. ‘You borrowed my good roasting pan. If something happened to you I might never get it back.’

Kent nodded sagely. ‘You climbed up the side of a building for a roasting pan.’

‘It was a wedding present.’

Kent opened the box of donuts. ‘That’s a terrible present.’

‘Your inability to appreciate good cookware explains why you had to borrow mine,’ Sue said tartly.

Kent sipped his coffee. ‘If you’d fallen...’

‘I didn’t fall. The whole thing has been blown out of proportion.’

She didn’t care for the way he was looking at her.

‘Are you still seeing Doctor Meade?’ he asked.

‘I’m not suicidal, Kent,’ she said sharply.

Kent looked at Lee, but the little boy was engrossed in his donut.

‘A little self-destructive though,’ he said.

She leaned down to stroke Rochester. ‘No. After the phone call I feared the worst.’

‘But you didn’t call the police or paramedics. You didn’t call someone who you thought might have a key,’ Kent said.

Sue set her jaw. ‘When I drop everything because I’m worried about you I don’t expect the third degree. When I spend practically the entire day looking after you and your child I think I’m entitled to a little more gratitude and a lot less Monday morning quarterbacking.’

Kent’s cheeks reddened. ‘I’m very grateful,’ he said. ‘I’m also quite concerned.’

‘I’m fine. Your concern is misplaced.’

‘Stop arguing,’ Lee said, looking up. ‘It’s not nice.’

Kent kissed the side of his head. ‘It’s okay. We’re still friends.’

‘I know it wasn’t my usual carefully considered behaviour,’ Sue admitted.

She thought, from his expression, that he was going to push her, make some kind of pointed comment.

‘Okay,’ he said.

‘Is that it?’

He bit the inside of his cheek. ‘I respect you, Sue. If you tell me there’s no problem, then there’s no problem.’

She nibbled the donut. ‘But?’

‘No but,’ he said. ‘I do hope that you feel that you can talk to me. This is a suggestion entirely at odds with your personality and approach to life. I understand.’ He smiled slightly. ‘Nonetheless, even the strong and invulnerable Sue Wilson-Levinson is going to have moments when she needs to talk. If that happens, I hope you consider talking to me.’

She crossed her legs. ‘If that _ever_ happens, then I will consider it.’

***

Sue stared at the assembled politicians in front of her. They had the decency to be embarrassed.

‘We wouldn’t ask if we weren’t under the gun here,’ Speaker Marwood said.

‘We totally get that it’s upsetting but this is one of those situations where you have to ask, what can I do for my country?’ Candi said.

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘What about me has given you the impression that appeals to patriotism will convince me to go against my inclination and my interest?’

Marwood straightened his tie. ‘If we were trying to convince you to go against your inclination and your interest what appeal would convince you?’

Sue crossed her legs. ‘Generally, sir, I am quite willing to consider weighing up my interests and inclinations against what POTUS needs. This situation is different.’

Marwood nodded. ‘When you say generally, you’re discussing a situation in which we’re not asking you to exploit the tragic death of your husband?’

‘I don’t think “exploit” is quite the word you’re looking for,’ Candi said.

‘I do.’ Sue clasped her hands together. ‘I won’t parrot whatever party line you’ve drafted to the inquiry.’

‘Shit,’ Candi said.

‘However, I have no current particular intention either of telling the inquiry that the administration chose the profit of its’ donors over voters’ lives,’ she said.

‘Now look –’ someone began.

Marwood held up his hand. ‘Can I ask why not?’

Sue looked him in the eye. ‘I don’t believe any of you thought the risk was real. The company was clear-eyed, but you were ignorant. You didn’t bother with your due diligence. Perhaps that makes you negligent but I’m not sure that makes you as culpable as the company. Since I work for the president, I hope not.’

‘I can’t speak for the rest of party –’ Marwood began.

‘Isn’t that literally your job?’ Sue asked. ‘You speak for the party. The party speaks for their donors. Who speaks for the dead?’

Marwood was quiet for a moment. ‘The company will be made to pay.’

‘Will they? ‘Sue asked. ‘ln fifteen years after a protracted lawsuit that leaves the families destitute?’

‘The inquiry will have recommendations,’ Marwood said. ‘We’ll make sure they’re implemented.’

‘I hope that they will be useful,’ Sue said. ‘Otherwise I might have to reconsider speaking out. I have a great many things I could say.’

Candi went white.

‘I assume you’ll be saying something similar to our friends across the house,’ Marwood said. ‘Since the midterms we’re reliant on them to pass any legislation.’

Sue raised an eyebrow.’ I worked for Selina Meyer for years, Mr Speaker.’

He cleared his throat. ‘Well this has been… illuminating.’

***

‘Are you out of your fucking mind?’ Amy demanded. ‘You can’t go around blackmailing the whole of Congress!’

Sue glanced at the glass walls of Amy’s office. She couldn’t see anyone paying them particular attention, but any of them might have been listening.

‘I’ve done no such thing,’ she said.

‘Marwood told Furlong you’re gonna spill all kinds of shit if the inquiry recommendations aren’t followed. Jesus! Who do you think you are?’

Sue sipped her coffee. ‘Amy, this is ridiculous. The inquiry hasn’t even begun yet.’

Amy folded her arms. ‘Sue, this is me. What’re you playing at?’

‘Eighty-six people died,’ Sue said. ‘Another hundred and three were injured. I want to ensure the people responsible are punished and that another accident like this never happens again. You’re trying to stop that. What are _you_ playing at?’

‘You have to trust the system.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Your ability to say that with a straight face is impressive. I am in the system. I know that it’s not to be trusted. The system relies on the application of pressure. I don’t have billions of dollars to spend on lobbyists, but I do have information. Information can be an excellent way to apply pressure.’

Amy threw up her hands. ‘I can’t talk to you when you’re hysterical.’

‘I barely raised my voice.’

Amy nodded. ‘For you that’s practically hysterical.’

Kent tapped on the door and opened it. ‘Amy, Dan needs to speak with you about Guzman.’

‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Maybe you can talk some sense into her.’ Amy stamped away.

‘Are you the good cop?’ Sue asked dryly as he sat down.

‘I’m always the good cop,’ he said. ‘I feel stereotyped.’

‘Who hired you?’ Sue asked, sitting back.

‘Nobody,’ Kent said. ‘We’ve been approached by several parties to mediate but we haven’t agreed to represent anyone.’

‘To shut me up?’

‘Rather melodramatic.’ He put his ankle up on his opposite knee. ‘I don’t think anyone credibly believes that shutting you up is a likely outcome.’

Sue sipped her coffee. ‘You could help me,’ she said. ‘Leigh wasn’t your partner, but she was Lee’s mother. I know that’s important to you.’

Kent nodded. ‘Do you have a dollar?’

‘Why?’

‘Professional ethics, if you consult me then the firm can’t work for anyone else.’

Sue took a ten from her purse and gave it to him. ‘Consider this a retainer.’

‘Very well,’ Kent said.

‘What about Any? She’s not going to be happy.’

‘She’ll be fine. They would prefer the issue vanish, but it was agreed if that wasn’t possible then we would offer our services.’

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘You anticipated this happening.’

He waggled his hand. ‘I wasn’t surprised. Let’s say that.’

‘I’m sure Dan is only interested in money. What does Ben think?’

‘Dan understands that this will raise our profile, which makes it a sort of investment. Ben...’ Kent sighed. ‘Ben is rather ambivalent. On the one side he has a lot of loyalty to the party and to Selina Meyer. One the other side, he understands the drive to avenge your husband and to make sure this never happens again.’

Sue looked away. ‘Amy appears to be quite anxious for us to leave her office.’

‘Shall we move to my office to talk about what you need and how we can help you?’ he suggested.

***

Perhaps it was... not hysteria. She certainly was never hysterical. Emotion then. Irrationality.

She hadn’t planned on implicitly threatening Marwood. She hadn’t any plan. She only knew that the mounting obfuscation was infuriating. The way she heard them talking about the accident was inhuman. They completely ignored the death and destruction. The fallout was an annoyance. Something taking up time and effort they would rather spend elsewhere.

Doug had been lucky. He had died instantly, his neck broken when the train derailed. Wounded and dying passengers had littered the tracks for hours. She still had nightmares about it.

Sue stared at the letter. She had received plenty at work. The simple fact that she worked on the West Wing meant that her picture had been splashed across newspapers. She wasn’t in the phonebook. Her address was restricted. The mail, good and bad, was sent to the West Wing. This was the first one she had received at home.

LIING HOR. YOU IS PART OFF THE KONSIPIRACI.

JUGEMENNT IS HER FAR YOU. THE SONS OFF GOD WIL SHUT YOR LIING HOR MOUT. YOR TIME HAZ COME.

‘Is there somewhere you can stay for a few days? the detective asked.

Sue crossed her arms. ‘Surely that isn’t necessary.’

‘We always take death threats seriously,’ the detective said. ‘The individual appears to know where you reside. That is extremely concerning. Given your occupation, I think it would be wise for you to relocate.’

She sighed. A hotel was an expense she was unwilling to countenance, particularly for an open-ended amount of time. Her sister lived too far away, she would rather cut off her foot than stay with her mother, and she hadn’t spoken to Doug’s family in weeks.

She didn’t want to ask POTUS for help, even if it was technically a security issue.

She met Kent for lunch. As she entered the restaurant, Lee noticed her.

‘Hi Sue!’ He ran over to her, threw his arms around her legs, and squeezed.

Sue stared at Kent.

‘You don’t do hugs?’ he asked.

Sue gave Lee’s shoulder’s an awkward pat. ‘There, there.’

‘You’re going to knock her over,’ Kent said. ‘Come and sit on your chair.’

Lee took her hand and walked with her to the table. ‘I was scared when Daddy was sick,’ he said, looking up at her.

‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Then you were very brave.’

He ran over to Kent and scrambled up onto the chair.

‘You seem a little subdued,’ Kent said as she sat down.

‘I’ve said literally two words.’

He shrugged. ‘You don’t have to say anything. Your body language is eloquent.’

‘Stop being creepy and disturbing,’ she said, looking at her menu.

‘I apologise for paying attention.’

‘Sue, Sue, show daddy the photograph of me baking,’ Lee said.

Kent ruffled his hair. ‘Sue sent me the picture. I shared it with nana and grandpa.’

‘We go to baking again?’ Lee asked her.

‘We’re going on Saturday,’ Kent said.

‘Sue is coming too?’

Karr put his hand over Lee’s. ‘Sue’s very busy.

‘I want Sue to come,’ Lee whined.

Sue opened her mouth. Kent shot her a look and shook his head.

‘You can’t have everything you want. I’m sorry. That’s just how life is sometimes. Perhaps we can do something else with Sue.’

‘It’s not fair,’ Lee mumbled, start to grizzle softly.

Kent pulled the little boy onto his knee.

‘Lee had his group therapy this morning,’ Kent said to Sue. ‘Mothers’ Day is coming so there was some discussion of it.’ He kissed Lee’s head. ‘He’s feeling a little fragile.’

‘It never occurred to me,’ Sue said softly.

‘There’s no reason it should.’ Kent rubbed Lee’s back. ‘Holidays are difficult.’

Sue nodded. ‘It would have been our anniversary in August.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Kent said genuinely.

‘Are you going to do something on Mothers’ Day?’

Kent nodded. ‘I’m not sure what just yet but we will do something. It’s the right thing to do.’

They gave their menus to the server.

‘What’s happening with you?’ Kent asked.

‘Nothing particularly. No, that’s not true.’ She pulled a face. ‘I had a letter, one of _those_ letters, but threatening and at home.’

Kent sat up straighter. ‘At your house? Do you have somewhere you can stay?’

‘You sound like the detective,’ she grumbled.

Kent’s eyes widened. ‘The police told you to move out?’

Sue looked away. ‘They advised it.’

‘And?’

‘And I came here from the stationhouse. I’ll find somewhere to stay later.’

Kent shook his head. ‘Did you talk to Rich Jason? He’s still head of security.’

‘I’m not involving work in this.’ Sue sipped her drink. ‘I’m hardly winning any popularity contests there.’

Kent didn’t smile. ‘Come stay with us.’

‘What?’

‘It’s still near enough for work,’ he said. ‘We have room and Rochester will be welcome. Hotels might be… problematic.’

Lee slid off Kent’s lap and under the table. They heard him greeting the puppy.

‘It’s just a crank,’ Sue said weakly.

‘Crank isn’t a synonym for harmless.’

Sue played with her glass. ‘Then I’d be putting you and Lee in danger.’

Kent shook his head. ‘He’d have to find you and even if he did he’s clearly a coward. If you’re in a house with a grown man he’ll seek an easier target. Besides which it’s only for a brief time while the police investigate.’

‘I suspect you might have too much faith in the police.’ She smoothed down her skirt. ‘It would be an intolerable inconvenience to you,’ she said.

Kent cocked his head. ‘Sue, we both know that you want to say yes. I’m not going to beg.’

A smile tugged at her lips. ‘You could try harder to convince me.’

‘I suppose I could,’ he agreed. ‘But your ego is robust enough without my assistance.’

‘It would only be for a few days,’ she said. ‘A week at most.’

Kent looked under the table. ‘Lee, do you mind if Sue and Rochester have a sleepover at our house for a few nights?’

‘Can Rochester sleep on my bed?’ Lee asked, scrambling up onto his chair.

‘He sleeps on my bed,’ Sue said.

‘Oh,’ Lee said. ‘Can I help walk him?’

Sue nodded. ‘I’m sure he would enjoy that.’

‘Are Lee’s grandparents likely to visit?’ Sue asked.

‘Most often he visits them,’ Kent said. ‘Things with them are... complicated.’ He gave Lee a pad and some pencils.

‘I see,’ Sue said. ‘Is there a reason they refer to Lee by another name?’

‘It’s my real name,’ the little boy said. ‘Lee’s not my real name.’

‘It’s your middle name,’ Kent corrected. ‘You mustn’t tell people Lee isn’t your real name. Remember when that policeman overheard and thought I’d kidnapped you?’

‘He gave me ice cream,’ Lee said.

Kent looked at Sue. ‘I was nearly arrested but he got ice cream. If his mother hadn’t backed me up, then I would have been.’

‘What’s wrong with his first name?’ Sue asked.

Kent waved his hand. ‘It’s just... confusing, and I’m not enamoured of the conceit of naming a child after a parent.’

Sue looked at him. ‘He has the same name as his mother. You’re not making sense.’

He groaned. ‘The J stands for junior.’

Sue thought about it. ‘Kent Junior?’

‘I’m afraid so.’ Kent shrugged. ‘Leigh thought it was cute. She was exceptional in many ways but at times utterly baffling to me.’

Sue put her hand on Lee’s. He looked up.

‘Do you prefer to be called Lee or KJ?’

He thought about it. ‘Lee.’

‘Then I’ll continue up to call you Lee.’

Kent sipped his drink. ‘What if he’d said KJ?’

‘Then I would call him KJ,’ she said firmly.

Kent smiled. ‘He’s nearly four. What if he’d said Peter Pan or Sugar Spice Prince of Unicorns?’

‘He’s nearly four,’ Sue said. ‘He wouldn’t do anything so silly.’ She winked at Lee.

‘Sue coming to my party?’ Lee asked. ‘I’m having a pirate birthday party!’

‘It’s at the end of the month,’ Kent said. ‘I’m sure you could carry off a pirate costume.’

‘Doubtless I could,’ she said. ‘Are you inviting me to a four-year-old’s birthday party?’

‘He invited you. I’m merely offering information.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘I’ll have to check my schedule.’

 


	9. Chapter 9

Grace sucked her teeth. ‘I didn’t spend all that money on your education for you to be a glorified babysitter.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not a glorified babysitter and I went to college on a volleyball scholarship.’

‘How do you know he didn’t write the letter himself?’ Grace asked. ‘It could be a trick to force you to move in with him.’

‘Wow,’ Sue said.

‘Your mother isn’t completely worthless, is she?’

‘Wow, that is utter paranoid nonsense,’ Sue said. ‘Kent would never do that.’

‘Being sly and sneaky is his job,’ Grace said.

‘It is not.’

‘These people are all the same,’ Grace said. ‘They’re all corrupt. Left wing elites who act like they’re better than the rest of us but they’re liars and thieves and who knows what.’

‘Have you finished?’

‘It’s all very convenient,’ Grace sniffed.

‘It’s not in the least bit convenient,’ Sue retorted. ‘While we were moving some of my belongings in, Lee’s grandparents came to take Lee to some cousin’s birthday and they looked at me as if I had killed his mother personally.’

Grace sniffed. ‘What do you expect? She was little more than a child when this man, old enough to be her grandfather, seduced her, got her pregnant, abandoned her, and now renames her child and moves another woman into the house.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘That’s not what happened.’

‘So he says. I brought you up better than this. Are you so lonely and pathetic without Doug that you throw yourself at the first man who’ll have you?’

‘I’m not lonely or pathetic,’ Sue said.

It was half true. She had never been pathetic in her life. Not even in those dark days after the accident. But when the initial confusion and sense of unreality began to wear away, she was uncomfortably aware of coming home to an empty house. Of the bed stretching into a vast space. Of the echoing quiet only broken by her own breathing. Rochester helped with the quiet and the emptiness, but he couldn’t share her thoughts about the day, sympathise when a book disappointed her, or appreciate a meal that exceeded her hopes. He couldn’t hold her when the nightmares came.

Quiet was not an issue at Kent’s home. She had brought her things over in the afternoon. As she returned in the early evening, tired from a long day at work, she was assaulted by the noise, the smells, the movement. She could smell spices and herbs. There was music playing in the living room. Lee was giggling wildly. Kent was apparently on the phone, god knew how, and Rochester barked a greeting to the cats perched imperiously on the stairs.

She had made a terrible mistake. She would go and find a hotel. Something. Anything but this cacophony of sound.

The living room door opened. Kent, cell held to his ear, gave Rochester a pat. ‘A moment,’ he said into the cell. Then he took Sue’s handbag as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

‘I’m making jambalaya,’ he said, kissing her cheek. ‘Do you want some? There’s plenty.’

‘Yes please,’ she said meekly.

She put her coat on the hook and her shoes on the rack before going upstairs. She expected the cats to flee as she approached, but they gave her expectant looks. She held out her hand and they both sniffed it. Then Percy rubbed his cheek against her hand. Rochester sniffed at Mary, who gave the puppy a distinctly half-hearted swipe with her paw.

‘Come on,’ Sue said, pulling him up the stairs.

She hesitated at the top of the stairs, unsure which room was the correct one. Rochester nosed open a door and, as she grabbed for his leash, pushed into the room.

Sue cursed under her breath and went after him.

It was a woman’s bedroom. The bedding and decorations were neutral but there were cosmetics and beauty products on the dresser. Photographs of Lee were everywhere, large and small, professional and amateur. There were tiny hand and footprints in bronze. One wall had photographs of Leigh’s graduation and certificates of various degrees. There were newspaper clippings in neat little frames. A bookcase on the other wall had well-thumbed novels.

Sue carried Rochester out of the room and gently shut the door. She had put much or Doug’s belongings in storage. She was going to throw them away, or donate them to charity, but Candi had stopped her. Sue had thought she was being ridiculous saying to wait, to see how she felt in a year. Now she was grateful.

***

After showering and changing clothes, Sue went downstairs. The music was quieter now, and when she went into the living room she found Lee quietly drawing.

‘Do you like this music?’ she asked.

‘I like music that goes whoosh, whoosh, dum, dum, dum, boom!’

Sue nodded. ‘I see.’ She looked at the paper. ‘What are you drawing?’

‘A train.’

She looked at the drawing. There was a lot of red and purple.

‘Oh.’ She put Rochester down and he scrambled up next to Lee. Then she went into the kitchen.

Kent was wearing a tight t-shirt and jeans. He glanced at Sue over his shoulder. ‘You look a little... overstimulated.’

Sue rubbed her elbow. ‘I’m used to being alone,’ she said. ‘It’s quieter.’

‘I’ll turn it off,’

‘No.’ She put her hand on his forearm. ‘It’s fine.’ She was surprised how warm his skin was. How the heat radiated through the thin t-shirt. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

Kent licked his lips. ‘You could grab some plates from the cupboard there. Plates are on the left, but Lee’s are on the right.’

Sue squeezed his arm and moved to the cupboards. ‘My mother thinks this might be a trap of some sort.’

‘A trap?’ Kent asked, getting out cutlery.

Sue handed him the plates. ‘That you sent me the threatening letter in order to lure me into your house.’

Kent laughed. ‘I lured you here for what purpose, to feed you?’

‘She didn’t speculate as to your motives beyond nebulous evildoing,’ Sue said.

Kent shook his head. ‘Parents never like me.’

‘My mother doesn’t like anyone,’ Sue said.

‘What about Doug?’

‘She talks about him like a dim but good-natured puppy,’ she said sourly.

Kent made a disgusted sound. ‘Damned by faint praise.’

‘He was a good person,’ Sue said.

‘I didn’t mean...’ Kent shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. You must miss him.’

‘Yes. Every day.’

She didn’t _do_ hugs. She wasn’t a tactile person. Emotional displays were uncomfortable, unnatural, and weird.

Being stood in Kent’s kitchen while he held her close as she cried was uncomfortable, unnatural, and weird.

She pushed her face into his shoulder. Tried to gulp down her tears. She felt his hand rubbing her back. His other hand stroking her hair.

She heard a voice. Voices. Felt the rumble of Kent’s voice in his chest as he spoke. Felt a light pressure around her legs.

Sue rested her forehead against one Kent’s chest and felt her breathing slow.

‘Lee, would you get Sue a Kleenex, please?’

The gentle pressure around her legs eased and she heard running steps go and return.

‘Here!’

She looked down. Lee was holding a fistful of Kleenex.

‘Thank you.’

‘You feel better?’

Sue nodded and blew her nose.

‘Why sad?’ Lee asked.

Kent cleared his throat. ‘Sue was thinking about her husband. He died in the train accident.’

‘Oh.’ Lee nodded. ‘My mommy died in the train accident.’

‘I know,’ Sue said.

Kent stepped back. ‘Go wash your hands. It’s time for dinner.’

Both turned and watched him trudge away.

‘Why was he doing... that?’ she asked.

Kent shrugged. ‘It makes him feel better when he’s upset. He thought it would make you feel better. He does it to me too.’

She dried her eyes. ‘You think it’s appropriate to allow him to see you... upset?’

Kent cocked his head. ‘I think it’s appropriate for him to see that tears are normal. That being a man doesn’t have to mean supressing normal emotions. Toxic masculinity is a problem that the parents' of sons have a duty to consider and attempt to counter.’

‘I had no idea you were such a new-age, hippy, liberal,’ she said tartly.

‘I’m very aware how emotionally repressed and stunted you are. It’s not healthy.’

She gently slapped his shoulder. ‘You’re merely jealous that I’m more of a man than you are.’

‘Gender is a spectrum not a binary,’ he said. ‘Therefore, it’s always possible that you are more masculine than I am.’

‘I’m sure you think you’re very clever.’

‘I have my moments.’

Sue waggled a spoon at him. ‘Stop turning insults into interesting topics.’

He smiled. ‘Stop using a perceived lack of masculinity, as an insult. It’s unpleasantly misogynistic. I expect better of you.’

‘Ass,’ she said.

***

Sue didn’t like movies. They were usually cliched, predictable, and shallow. The worst were adaptations of books. They were usually insulting parodies of the books with entire plotlines stripped out and characters lobotomised. She had never understood Kent’s passion for them. It was clear from the way that Lee clambered onto the couch and turned on the television that watching a movie or TV show was part of his evening ritual with Kent.

‘You’re welcome to watch with us, but I know you’re not an aficionado,’ Kent said. ‘Please don’t feel obliged.’

‘Perhaps for half an hour,’ she said. ‘Then I’ll go upstairs.’

‘I know you need your space.’ he said.

She nodded as she sat down. ‘You used to need space.’

He shrugged. ‘It’s a rare treat.’

Lee clicked his fingers at Rochester. ‘Puppy, come up and sit next to me.’

Rochester glanced at Sue.

‘Go on,’ she said. ‘What are you watching?’

‘ _Star Trek_!’ Lee said waggling his feet.

‘Which one?’ Sue asked. ‘Don’t look at me that way, Kent. I’m not completely ignorant. I know there are multiple spin-offs.’

Kent sat next to her.

‘This is the original. It had some problematic issues but those can be useful for discussions.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re using a show featuring women in go-go boots and mini-skirt dresses as a teaching exercise?’

‘Skorts, not skirts,’ Kent said mildly.

‘Ah. Clearly that makes all the difference.’

He didn’t ask her how she was feeling. That was a relief. He had done that when they first dated. Asked how she was feeling and what she was thinking. If she’d wanted him to know that then she would have told him. An unedifying babble of his deepest emotions was every kind of unwelcome too much information. Kent had been unpleasantly anxious during their early dating. It wasn’t what she expected, and it had made her uncomfortable. It was a pressure that she didn’t need or want.

She glanced at him. He was looking at Lee. Kent was still a little lacking in confidence in certain things that he had no reason to be self-effacing about. However, overall, he was much more at home with himself. It was rather heartening. Sue had always found Kent’s physical presence reassuring. A solid, strong presence that could protect but wouldn’t overpower. She was physically active and exercised regularly. She knew though that Kent was stronger than she was. She had known that Doug had been stronger than her. Neither of them had ever made her feel uneasy and neither of them had ever frightened her.

She watched the whole of the episode with them and was surprised by Lee’s lack of complaint when Kent announced it was time for bed.

‘Say goodnight,’ Kent prompted.

‘Goodnight Rochester,’ Lee said, patting his head. ‘Goodnight, Sue.’

‘Sleep well, Lee,’ she said.

She watched them go upstairs and gathered together the dishes. She didn’t normally do dishes at home beyond filling the dishwasher. It was oddly satisfying. Kent was a neat cook, putting dishes and pots aside as he finished using them, which wasn’t entirely a surprise. Nonetheless there was a certain pleasure clearing up the dishes, washing them, and putting them away. To take a relative mess and return it to ordered cleanliness.

‘You didn’t have to do that,’ Kent said.

Sue looked back over her shoulder at him. ‘There’s nothing that I _have_ to do.’

He leaned in the doorway. ‘Okay, I’ll say that you’re a guest and I certainly don’t ask guests to clear up the dishes.’

‘I certainly don’t need you to ask.’ She peeled off the gloves, turned around, and leaned back against the worktop.

‘Okay.’ Kent pushed his fingers through his hair. ‘I want you to feel at home while you’re here. To feel comfortable to do whatever. I don’t want you to feel ill at ease.’

‘I would like a glass of wine and to then go to my room and read.’

He crossed to the cupboard and took out a couple of glasses. ‘Do you want red or white?’ he asked. ‘If you’d like the white you brought, I have some cheese that would pair well.’

Sue tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘That sounds like it would be very agreeable.’

‘Excellent.’ He took cheese out of the refrigerator. ‘I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with another adult at home that wasn’t about children or schooling or work.’

‘Then don’t start,’ Sue suggested, getting out the bottle of wine. ‘I owe you an apology.’

‘For what?’ He put cheese and cracker on a plate next to her and leaned back against the workbench.

Sue gave him a glass of wine. ‘I went into the wrong bedroom.’

He shrugged and ate a little cheese. ‘I don’t have any pornographic magazines, so you can’t have found one of those.’ He took a sip of wine. ‘It’s all digital now.’

Sue forced herself not to smile. ‘I think it was Leigh’s.’

He nodded. ‘I don’t think she had any either.’

She smacked his arm with her hand. ‘I was concerned I would upset you by my intrusion.’

Kent cradled the glass in his hands. ‘She’s not in there,’ he said mildly. ‘It’s not a shrine. It’s for Lee when he’s old enough. His memories of her are going to fade. I want him to have something to hold on to. Something real. They both deserve that.’

‘She obviously adored him,’ Sue said quietly.

He nodded. ‘Leigh was a devoted mother. She would have tap danced on broken glass for him.’

Sue sipped her wine. ‘She chose well in you. For all the men that would have stayed around to care for Lee; I doubt many of them would also work so hard to keep her memory alive.’

His cheeks flushed, and he looked away. ‘You have the strangest mix of cynicism and idealism.’

‘You have the strangest mix of confidence and uncertainty,’ Sue said.

‘I believe that’s called the human condition.’

She smiled and nibbled some cheese.

‘I know that you weren’t together romantically, but it seems that you were close to her,’ Sue said.

Kent nodded. ‘She was a good friend. We were better as friends than anything else.’

‘It must be difficult being reminded of her each day.’

He was watching her closely. ‘Sometimes,’ he said. ‘Sometimes I feel as if I can’t breathe.’

Sue touched her chest. ‘A pain here.’

‘Yes.’

‘You said you were in a dark place when Lee was conceived,’ Sue said.

He played with his glass. ‘It wasn’t a good time. The inquiry into the data breach. Selina had always been very open in her antagonism to me. Ben was very much the same. My fingerprints were on the attempts at lobbying against Families First.’

‘You were worried they’d throw you under the bus?’

He nodded. ‘If Bill hadn’t been there then I have no doubt they would.’

Sue touched his wrist. ‘I wouldn’t.’

He gave her a small smile. ‘Thank you.’ He sipped his drink. ‘I was under a lot of stress. I was still... I found it difficult seeing you each day. Particularly when you were so hostile. After I gave my testimony I bumped into Leigh. She was very angry, but not at me. She suggested we go for a drink.’

‘I always wondered why she agreed to blame Bill,’ Sue said.

‘She didn’t like him,’ Kent said. ‘And I had made a few calls on her behalf. Provided references. Things of that nature.’

Sue nodded. ‘You helped her find another job.’

‘It wasn’t anything of significance.’

‘Not to you. I’m sure it was significant to her,’ Sue said.

‘We bump up against people every day,’ Kent said. ‘We rarely have any idea of the effect we have on them.’

‘Amy introduced me to Doug,’ Sue said.

‘Blind date?’

‘One-night stand, supposed to be. I was very... confused. I thought I needed some physical release without anything emotional.’ She looked at her glass. ‘I married him on the rebound. ‘I’m extremely fortunate it wasn’t a disaster.’

She waited for his reply. Not looking at him.

‘From everything you’ve said he sounds like a great guy,’ Kent said warmly.

‘He was immature, untidy, and disorganised,’ Sue said. ‘He drove me to distraction.’ She glanced at Kent. ‘He was a great guy.’

Kent gently took her hand and squeezed it. Sue stroked her thumb across the back of his hand.

‘I should go and read,’ she said quietly.

‘Have a great night,’ Kent said, kissing her cheek.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Rochester lay across Sue’s feet.

‘How long have you been staying with Kent? Doctor Meade asked.

‘Four days,’ Sue said, leaning down to scratch Rochester’s ears. ‘It’s quite equitable. He gives me plenty of space.’

‘Does Lee?’

‘No. That’s unfair. Lee is a small child. He’s... rather more insistent in his affection than I’m used to. It’s fine.’

‘Are you sure? You don’t find it uncomfortable or that it causes you anxiety?’

She shook her head. ‘Why?’

‘You’ve never brought Rochester into the session before,’ he said. ‘You’re petting him when you talk to me.’ He crossed his legs. ‘You seem a little more anxious talking than you have for a while.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘What are you suggesting?’

‘It’s not my function to suggest anything,’ he said mildly. ‘I’m asking you to think about what you’ve said and what you’ve done. I’d ask you to consider if you are as sanguine as you claim.’

She snorted. ‘My mother suggested that Kent sent the letter himself to trick me into staying with him.’

‘Is that likely?’

‘No. It’s ludicrous.’

Doctor Meade made a note on his pad. ‘Then you’re quite comfortable staying with Kent?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be? He’s my friend.’

‘He’s also your former lover,’ Meade said. ‘He continued to demonstrate a romantic inclination towards you well after you parted ways.’

‘I don’t hear a question,’ Sue said.

Meade cleaned his glasses. ‘It’s very common for people to believe that sexual desires and inclinations are a choice. They’re not. We can’t choose them. Only how we respond to them.’

Sue shook her head. ‘Kent hasn’t made an advance on me. He knows that I’m not interested. I have no reason to believe that he is.’ She stroked Rochester’s head.

‘Are you uninterested or are you choosing not to act on your interest?’

Sue set her jaw. ‘My husband's corpse is barely cold in the ground.’

‘Do you find the graphic imagery makes it easier to distance yourself from romantic feeling or sexual desire?’

Sue looked away.

‘It’s not an accusation,’ Meade said gently. ‘Waiting until you’re past the worst of your grief is sensible but it doesn’t rewire biology.’

‘I don’t understand what you’re trying to say,’ she said stiffly.

Meade clasped his hands together. ‘You’re wearing nail polish.’

‘What?’

‘And eyeshadow.’ Meade shrugged. ‘When you first came to see me, you never wore any makeup and you lived in sweats.’

Sue scowled at him. ‘Are you seriously suggesting that I’m coming on to you?’

‘No, not at all,’ he said, mildly amused. ‘What I would like to have you consider is that you may be interested romantically in Kent. That you are taking steps to increase your sexual attractiveness to him.’

Sue clenched his hands. ‘Bullshit.’

Meade leaned forward. ‘All I’m trying to do is draw your attention to the possibility that your feelings for Kent are more than friendly.’

‘They’re not,’ she said through gritted teeth.

‘Okay,’ Meade said. ‘Let’s say that they’re not. At some point you’re going to have those feelings for someone else and that’s healthy and natural.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘I don’t have to listen to this.’

‘This hostility to the idea is why I’m raising the issue,’ Meade said. ‘If you’re not ready for it when it happens, if you continue to deny and repress your feelings, I’m concerned that you won’t put the situation in the proper context. Guilt is very common in these situations but it’s rarely helpful.’

‘I’m not about to jump on Kent,’ Sue snapped.

‘You’re emotionally vulnerable,’ he said. ‘He’s emotionally vulnerable. It’s not about lust or sexual incontinency.’

Sue picked up Rochester and put him in her lap. ‘Then let me rephrase in a way that isn’t misunderstood. I don’t want to have any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. Not now. Not in the future."

***

‘You’re in a shitty mood,’ Amy said. ‘Is it the death threat bullshit?’

‘No.’ Sue gulped her coffee. ‘That doesn’t help.’ She gave a sharp shrug that was completely unlike the nonchalant effect she intended. ‘My therapist speaking nonsense about how wearing nail varnish means that I’m giving Kent sexual signals.’

Amy pulled a face. ‘Ew.’

Sue gave her a sour look. ‘You slept with Dan. Willingly.’

‘Twice,’ Amy said. ‘You banged Kent a bunch of times.’

‘The difference is that you’re ashamed, as well you should be,’ Sue said tartly.

Amy checked her phone. ‘You bitched about him for _weeks_.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘Our breakup was painful. Sex was never the problem.’ She raised her eyebrow. ‘It was always excellent.’

‘Why would you tell me that?’ Amy demanded.

‘You seemed confused,’ Sue said.

Amy leaned back in her chair. ‘Have you thought your shrink might be right?’

‘What?’

‘You and Kent still have that weird tension.’ Amy made a gagging sound. ‘ _Sexual_ tension.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘Kent and I are friends.’

‘A friend you want to fuck,’ Amy said.

‘I have _no_ intention of sleeping with Kent,’ Sue said sharply. ‘I have no intention of sleeping with anyone.’

‘Whatever you say,’ Amy said.

***

Sue stamped into the kitchen and yanked open the kitchen cupboards. She shoved aside the jars and cans and yanked out a can of sauce which she slammed on the cupboard top.

Kent, sat at the table folding up laundry, looked up. ‘Did the sauce offend you?’

‘Yes.’

He scratched his eyebrow. ‘I’m glad that you’re not irritable or otherwise in a bad mood.’

‘I _live_ for your happiness,’ Sue retorted.

He was quiet for a moment. ‘Okay.’ He returned his attention to the laundry.

Sue tapped her foot. ‘My therapist said something idiotic and when I told Amy she agreed purely to irritate me.’

‘Seems like it worked,’ Kent said mildly.

‘She’s always envied me.’ Sue folded her arms. ‘Do you think I’m…’

He clasped his hands together. Waiting.

Sue licked her lips. ‘My therapist suggested that I’ve been behaving flirtatiously. Amy agreed.’

His eyebrows raised. ‘Flirting with Amy?’

She snorted. ‘You’d like that.’

He thought about it. ‘I wouldn’t _dislike_ it.’

Sue tried not to smile. ‘Why do men find the idea of two women appealing?’

Kent smiled as he leaned back. ‘Why do you assume that’s what I meant?’

‘Please, you’re far from an innocent.’ She unfolded her arms. ‘And I know you. I’ve seen the “art” you used to have in your bedroom.’

Kent chuckled. ‘Only you would act as if classical art was equivalent to porn.’

‘All your classical art were nudes,’ Sue said. ‘Many of them were suggestive or downright explicit.’

‘They’re still art,’ Kent said.

 ‘And you’re still a man who enjoys the naked female form.’

It was a mistake. She knew it from the way his eyes brightened.

‘There I was _innocently_ thinking you were implying I pictured you and Amy merely kissing.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘You’re imagining us together now.’

‘I would never do that,’ he said sincerely. ‘Amy is a colleague.’

Sue smiled. ‘Ah. Very ethical.’

Kent pushed his fingers through his hair. ‘Is this issue akin to your mother pressuring you to date?’

‘Related I suppose,’ Sue allowed. ‘It’s offensive.’

Kent shrugged. ‘I have grown to believe that’s overrated.’

‘Dating?’ Sue asked.

‘Dating particularly. Romantic relationships generally.’

‘You were never very good at them,’ Sue said.

‘You have more exes than I do,’ Kent said sweetly.

She gave him a dark look. ‘I make an effort.’

‘I thought the point was that you didn’t want to make an effort, at least not at the moment,’ Kent said.

Sue turned around and filled the kettle. ‘It’s not about that. It’s not an issue of laziness, and it’s not an issue of defeatism.’

Kent returned his attention to the laundry. ‘I’m lazy and defeated. Good to know.’

Sue looked at him over her shoulder. ‘Don’t sulk.’

‘Can’t imagine why I’d sulk,’ he said. ‘Here I am trying to support your desire to remain single and you call me names. Why would I sulk?’

Sue gave him a small smile ‘You’re not very convincing when you pout.’

‘Perhaps I need more practice.’

Sue made two mugs of coffee and carried them over to the table. She sat down and gave Kent his drink.

‘You said dating has lost its appeal,’ Sue said quietly.

‘You’re mourning. It seems natural you would be hesitant,’ Kent said.

She sipped her coffee. ‘Other people seem to feel differently.’

‘Who cares what other people think? You’ve never been interested in that.’ He cocked his head. ‘Unless you’re afraid they might be right.’

‘I’m not afraid of anything.’ She wrapped her hands around her mug. ‘And they’re wrong.’

He shrugged. ‘Then you don’t have anything to worry about.’

‘I should worry about dating?’ she asked.

Kent clasped his hands together. ‘Should? No. But losing Doug was deeply painful. If my partner had died I would be skittish about being hurt again.’

See stiffened. ‘I just don’t see any need.’

‘Okay.’

‘This isn’t some ridiculous novel. I don’t need a man to _complete me_ ,’ she sneered.

‘Absolutely not,’ Kent agreed. ‘You already have your Rochester, Jane Eyre.’

The puppy sat up and looked alert. Sue patted his head.

‘I didn’t realise you got the reference,’ she said sheepishly.

He smiled. ‘Your taste in literature is one of my favourite things about you.’

‘Shut up.’

‘It was a compliment,’ he protested.

‘Was it though?’

He was about to reply when the landline rang.

‘Why do you still have that?’ Sue asked.

‘Because redundancy is helpful,’ he said.

She watched him walk at to the living room. The problem with Kent was that he assumed everyone thought the way he did. The idea of her being worried about dating was ridiculous. She wasn’t worried. She certainly wasn’t afraid. She was just done with it. That was all.

***

The train broken. Sprawled across the tracks.

Dead, blank eyes.

Cold skin.

The sobbing.

Pushing through the crowds.

People screaming.

Bodies.

Blood.

Twitching limbs.

Helicopters.

Cameras.

Blank eyes.

‘Sue.’

The bulge in his neck.

Bone protruding.

There should be more blood.

‘Sue!’

She opened her eyes and shot them again. She grabbed the bed frame and took deep slow breaths.

‘You were having a nightmare.’ Kent said.

She turned her head. She could feel her tears on her face. In the dim light she hoped he wouldn’t see them.

He gently squeezed her hand. She lurched upright and threw her arms around his neck.

‘It’s okay,’ he promised, rubbing her back. ‘It’s okay.’

It wasn’t. It wasn’t. it couldn’t be.

His hand came up to her neck and the back of her head. He was rocking her gently. Murmuring softly.

She knew that she was sobbing against his neck. She could feel the heat of his body. Hear the soothing reassurance of his voice. She didn’t know how long it lasted.

After a while she felt her sobs gradually slow and stutter to a pained, awkward end. She didn’t let go. She was still holding him tightly.

He pulled them both down onto the bed and slid under the covers. He tugged the covers up around them.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asked softly.

She shook her head. Her eyes were still closed.

‘Okay. I’ll shut up now. You try to get some sleep.

She didn’t think she could get back to sleep but she didn’t have it in her to argue. The room was dark and quiet. The only sound was Kent’s breathing, slow and steady. Slow and steady. Slow and steady.

She didn’t know when he left. She woke up and he was gone. Sue sat and leaned down to stroke Rochester, still at her feet. She knew she looked a mess. Hair wild. No makeup. Snivelling. That was hardly the worst of it. It was embarrassing. Mortifying. Sue had a reputation to maintain. She couldn’t have him thinking that she was weak. She refused. She wouldn’t have him thinking badly of her.

It was early. She got up, got ready, and took Rochester for a walk. A long walk to clear her mind. It gnawed at her, Kent being there. Seeing her like that. While Rochester stopped to anoint a tree, she checked her phone. This wasn’t something she could discuss with her mother, or Amy, and now she couldn’t discuss it with her therapist. She could hardly discuss it with Kent.

‘You realise that you are a poor substitute,’ she said to Rochester.

He was occupied communing with nature and didn’t reply.

‘Shit,’ Sue said.

***

‘Did you see the protest?’ Candi asked.

‘Yes,’ Sue said. ‘We all saw the protest which has been planned for weeks and has been in the headlines for the past four days.’

Candi pushed back her hair. ‘Traffic is crazy.’

Sue resisted the urge to point out that they had all come to the West Wing exactly the same way, dealing with the same traffic, but they had all made it to work on time.

‘I don’t understand what they’re making such a fuss about,’ Candi said. ‘The inquiry has been rushed forward.’

‘They think there has been a cover up,’ Sue said.

Candi touched up her lipstick. ‘Just operating normally is exhausting. A cover up, seems like a ridiculous amount of work. You worked for President Meyer, Sue, are coverups a ton of work?’

‘I wouldn’t know,’ Sue said briskly.

Candi smiled innocently. ‘Weren’t you there during the data breach inquiry? I’ve read Bill Ericsson’s book. It was scandalous!’

Sue sipped her coffee. ‘If you read it then you will know that I didn’t implicate Bill or anyone else.’

‘Neither did Kent Davison or Ben Cafferty,’ Candi said. ‘The two Svengalis tip you off not to get your hands dirty?’

‘That would be telling.’

Candi sat on the edge of Sue’s desk. ‘You know what else would be telling?’

‘I'm sure you'll tell me.’

Bill Ericsson is working for Marwood now,’ Candi said.

‘All he does is whine about being in prison,’ Sue said.

‘Ugh, I know. It’s so dull. You should watch yourself though. He hates Selina Meyer, and everyone associated with her.’ Candi shrugged. ‘BKD still work for her, right?’

‘BKD do work for half of congress,’ Sue said. ‘Including Speaker Marwood.’

‘Oh,’ Candi said. ‘Wow, that’s going to be an awkward conversation.’ She stood up as Laura Montez walked into the room.

‘Sue, am I confused, or do you speak Korean?’ Montez asked.

‘You’re not confused,’ Sue said. ‘My Korean is excellent.’

‘Good,’ Montez said. ‘Would you be available for the North Korean Ambassador’s visit? They have a terrible habit of discussing things in Korean. I’m sure they do it on purpose.’

‘I will clear my diary, Ma’am.’

‘Excellent.’ Montez strolled back to her office. ‘Feel free to bring a guest, a friend or whatever. You’re still staying with Kent Davison, aren’t you? Perhaps he could escort you.’

***

‘You look very… smart,’ Sue said uncomfortably. She took a breath and bit the bullet. ‘Handsome. You look very handsome.’

‘Mommy said I was her handsome little guy,’ Lee said, futzing with his pirate hat.

‘Your mommy was a wise woman,’ Sue said.

‘Daddy says she was clever and strong and beautiful,’ Lee said.

Sue knew him well enough now to spot the question in the tone but not the words. The uncertainty that was looking for reassurance.

Sue put her cell in her pocket. ‘You daddy is right. I worked with your mommy,’ she said. ‘She was bright, ambitious, and hard working.’  

Lee relaxed a tiny bit. ‘Daddy says she was proud of me.’

Sue knelt down in front of him. ‘I’m sure she was very proud and loved you very much.’

Lee thought about it. ‘I want a treat.’

‘A treat.’

‘Daddy said I could have one!’

‘That’s not true.’

He smiled brightly. ‘Just kidding!’

‘That not true either,’ Sue said.’ But good recovery.’ She stood up. 'Have you finished trying on your costume?’

‘No!’

‘If you wear it too long then it won’t be special for your party.’

Lee pouted. It was much more convincing than Kent’s pout.

‘You try on your costume,’ he said.

‘I’ll put on my hat,’ she said. ‘I will show you my costume at your party. It’ll be a surprise.’

‘I like surprises,’ Lee said, following her out to the living room.

‘Good,’ Kent said. He was tidying up. ‘What surprise?’

‘My costume at the social event of the season,’ Sue said.

‘My birthday party,’ Lee added helpfully.

‘I see. Your costume looks very good.’

‘I’m handsome!’

Kent looked at Sue.

‘I stand by what I said,’ she said.

Kent nodded. ‘Sue is very wise. I think it’s time you took your costume off. We don’t want it to get dirty before the party.’

Sue opened one of the boxes on the couch and pulled out a large tricorn hat.

‘Are you going to put it on or tease?’ Kent asked.

‘How many girls have you said that to?’

He smiled. ‘One or two.’

Sue carefully put on the hat and looked at Lee. ‘There.’

‘You look pretty,’ he said.

‘Thank you,’ she said seriously.

‘Go get changed,’ Kent said to Lee.

‘I can’t do it by myself!’

Kent put his hand on his hip. ‘I’ll be up to help you in a minute.’

Sue put her hat away and picked up the boxes.

‘Thanks for this,’ Kent said. ‘I appreciate a children’s birthday party is in no way your natural environment.’

‘Did I have a choice?’ Sue asked lightly.

‘Sure you did.’ Kent was quiet for a moment. ‘This is important to me. I hope that’s not too... I know you’re uncomfortable with strong emotions.’

She glanced away. ‘Strong emotions about a little boy’s birthday party?’

Kent shrugged. ‘It’s the first social event since his mother died,’ he said gently. ‘It’s a big deal for him so it’s important to me.’ He touched her elbow. ‘Thank you, and I apologise for embarrassing you.’

Sue clutched the box to her chest. ‘Apologise after the party,’ she said. ‘I may never recover from prancing around dressed as a pirate.’


	11. Chapter 11

The detective blinked rapidly. ‘Oh. Mrs Wilson-Levinson? I was looking for Mr Davison.’

Sue crossed her arms. ‘He’s upstairs helping Lee get changed.’

‘I’m gonna need to come in and wait,’ the detective said.

Sue’s lips twitched. ‘Fine. I’ll tell him that you’re here.’

She showed the detective into the living room. She hadn’t heard word one since she’d reported the death theat. She didn’t have a very generous opinion of the police and this had hardly changed her mind.

‘So, you gonna go tell him I'm here?’ the detective asked. 

Sue got out her cell and called Kent's number. ‘There’s a police detective here to speak to you for some reason,’ she said. ‘The detective investigating my death threat.’

She heard him sigh.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘I’m coming down. Would you mind putting on some coffee?’

‘I suppose so,’ she said reluctantly. She waited until she heard Kent’s step on the stairs before moving to the kitchen. It had been nearly two weeks since she had been threatened. She should have been antsy and uncomfortable to impose on Kent for so long. He was just as friendly and welcoming to her how as he had been on the first day. Nonetheless, she was reminded unhappily that she must be wearing out her welcome.

She made coffee and took it through to the living nom. Kent was sat in his armchair while the detective was awkwardly perched on the edge of the couch.

‘Do you think this is the same person who threatened Sue?’ Kent asked.

‘That’s the assumption under which we’re operating.’ The detective took a coffee from the tray. ‘Thanks.’

‘Have you been threatened?’ Sue demanded.

Kent rubbed his forehead. ‘Not precisely but the phone call the other day was a disturbed individual who made certain claims.’

Sue glared at the detective. ‘What are you doing about this?  How did this person get Kent’s landline number? What are you doing about the threat against me?’

The detective took a gulp of coffee. ‘We’re investigating. They seem to have access to data that should be protected.’

Kent sighed. ‘Sue, I known that you are reluctant, but I think it might be wise to reconsider reporting the threat to White House security.’

‘We are investigating these events,’ the detective said. ‘These things take time. I appreciate that’s not what you want to hear, but this is how things are done.’

Kent leaned back against the back of the couch. ‘My son is upstairs. This person has already threatened Sue. “How things are done” is not getting the job done.’

Sue chugged her coffee as the detective asked Kent the same useless questions, and then she marched into the kitchen. She left the door open as she shoved the dirty dishes into the sink. They clattered and clashed as she battered them with the sponge and the brush. She yanked them out of the water and slammed them onto the drying rack. She yanked the dish towel from the hook.

She was shoving the dry dishes into the cupboard when she hear the front door slammed shut.

‘Lee,’ Kent called. ‘You can come downstairs now.’

‘Okay!’

Sue marched back into the living room.

‘You didn’t tell me about the call,’ she said.

Kent looked at her. ‘You had enough on your plate.’

‘That’s not choice to make,’ she snapped.

‘It’s entirely my choice,’ Kent said mildly. ‘It’s my problem and you’re my friend. I have to choose what to burden my friends with.’

‘I don’t need to be protected.’

Kent sighed. He sat down on the couch and patted the seat beside him. ‘Sit down.’

She could have argued. She was tempted to argue. Instead she sat down and tightly crossed her arms.

‘Sue, do you tell me absolutely everything in your life?’ he asked.

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘You’ve never told me about things you think I don’t need to know,’ Kent said. ‘You refused to tell me precisely what the threat against you was or the vile things he said.’

‘That’s completely different,’ she snapped.

‘You haven’t told me that Ben suggested you implicate me in the data breach inquiry,’ Kent said.

Sue stared at him. 'How did you know that?’

‘He told me.’ Kent shrugged. ‘He told me that you threatened to be extremely… honest should anyone try to implicate me.’

Sue looked away. ‘It was an idiotic idea. ‘I didn’t tell you because I didn’t care. We weren’t friends at the time.’

‘You protected me, Sue,’ Kent said gently. ‘Perhaps there have been other times you protected me of which I’m unaware. You say we weren’t friends then. I always tried to be your friend. You may have been angry at me, but you still cared.’ He touched her hand. ‘I know you think me wanting to protect you is an insult, that it implies you’re weak. I don’t think you’re weak. I didn’t tell you because you’re my friend and being my friend is why I want to protect you. It’s both completely personal and completely impersonal.’

She clasped her hands together. ‘How long have you been sitting on that speech?’

‘A little while,’ he said mildly.

She forced herself to look at him. ‘I was expecting a speech about my nightmare last night.’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘I imagine you would rather kiss Jonah than discuss that.’

Sue shuddered. ‘I would be grateful if you never again suggested such a thing.’ She straightened her skirt. ‘It’s not a discussion that I relish. However, I will point out that you also had a significant nightmare not long ago.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘You raised the issue in the first place and now you’re attacking me.’

‘I am pre-emptively defending myself.’

‘How very _you_ ,’ Kent said. He pursed his lips. ‘Do you want to go first?’

‘I do not,’ she said firmly.

Kent looked up as Lee came clomping into the room. Lee grabbed a couple of action figures from the chest and squirrelled himself in a corner of the room.

‘Lee, we’re talking about bad dreams. Do you want to talk about yours?’ Kent asked.

Lee shook his head.

‘Good attempt,’ Sue said. ‘No sale.’

He nodded. ‘The story of my life.’ He set his shoulders. ‘I have nightmares about...’ He nodded towards Lee. ‘Many about the accidents but sometimes other things. Getting lost. Being hurt. Being taken away from me.’

‘He wasn’t on the train?’

Kent shook his head. ‘He should have been. He usually stayed in the creche at her work. That day he wasn’t well. I offered to work from home and take care of him.’ He took a deep breath. ‘If I hadn’t done that then she wouldn’t have been on the train.’

Sue put her hand on his knee. 'You weren’t to blame."

Kent glanced at Lee, but the little boy was engrossed in his play. ‘Not to blame but I was responsible.’

‘No, you weren’t,’ she said sharply. ‘You need a therapist.’

‘What makes you think I don’t have one?’

‘Talking nonsense like that.’ Sue sniffed. ‘Do I need to slap you?’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘Not unless you take me to dinner and a movie first.’

Sue pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘I thought it was Lee having a nightmare,’ she said.

‘Okay,’ Kent said.

‘I wasn’t trying to invade your privacy,’ she added.

Kent smiled slightly. ‘Sue, I’m not going to be upset if you came into my bedroom because you heard me having a nightmare.’

‘I would be,’ she said.

He chuckled. ‘I’ll try to remember that.’

Sue nudged him with her elbow. ‘Don’t tease me.’

‘That wasn’t teasing. If I was teasing I would say, should I have stood in the doorway and thrown things at you?’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘That was not your best work.’

‘It can’t all be,’ he said. ‘That’s not how the concept of "best" operates.’

Sue brushed her hand over her skirt. ‘You didn’t say anything about it the day after.’

‘Neither did you.’

‘Again, I was respecting your privacy.’

Kent sighed. ‘I was embarrassed.’

She touched his wrist. ‘I understand that.’

He took hold of her hand. ‘Thank you,’ he said.

‘You owe me, Davison,’ she said, narrowing her eyes playfully.

‘I’ll add it to the list.’ He nudged her with his elbow. ‘Your turn.’

She tensed her shoulders. ‘I saw Doug. After the train accident. At the train tracks.’

‘You saw him?’

She looked down at their hands. ‘We found out immediately of course. I was finding it difficult to concentrate at work. The president was persuaded to go to the site. I went with her. I knew there were survivors. Doug wasn’t answering his cell. I didn’t want to wait.’

Kent lowered his voice. ‘But surely they didn’t let you… see the victims.’

‘They did. It was chaos.’ She looked at Kent. ‘I didn’t see Leigh. It was distressing, and I don’t remember it clearly but I’m sure I would have remembered if I saw her.’

He licked his tips. ‘Lee, would you get me a banana from the kitchen?’

Lee looked up. ‘I can have a treat?’

‘You can have a banana.’

Lee groaned as he stood up. ‘A banana isn’t a treat.’

‘He has a point,’ Sue said, a little nervously.

They watched him troop from the room.

‘Leigh died in hospital,’ Kent said quietly. ‘Initially she was walking wounded. We went to the hospital and she was having tests. She was sat up and talking. I took Lee out to the bathroom and when we came back... she was dead.’

Sue blinked. ‘How?’

‘A bleed in the brain.’ He shook his head. ‘She was complaining of a headache, but she was herself.’

Lee wandered in and gave Kent the banana.

‘Say thank you,’ Lee said.

‘Thank you,’ Kent said, saluting with the banana.

Lee smiled and sat down.

‘Do you have PTSD?’ Kent asked Sue.

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘I’m fine. I will be fine.’

‘You don’t have to be brave with me,’ he said gently.

‘I know,’ she said, and kissed his cheek.

He looked into her eyes. She saw him look at her mouth.

Sue swallowed. It was only a few seconds. She knew that. A few seconds that dragged on and on.

Kent cleared his throat and looked away. ‘The detective doesn’t think that we’re in danger. The caller didn’t say anything that suggested he had this address and he didn’t mention or allude to you in any way.’

‘Good. I would hate to cause you and Lee even more upheaval and annoyance.’

That got his attention.

‘You haven't caused us either,’ he said. ‘Is that what you think?’

‘I’m aware that I’m imposing at the worst possible time.’

Kent shook his head. ‘You’re wrong.’ He stood up. ‘Time for Lee’s shower.’

‘Aww,’ Lee moaned.

***

‘I suppose you’ll say, “I told you so,” now.’

Doctor Meade shrugged. ‘I never say that to a patient. Would you feel better if I justified your antagonism by doing that?’

‘Yes.’

Meade threw a treat to Rochester.

Sue scowled at him. ‘Don’t feed my dog.’

‘Then talk to me.’

Sue gave a sharp shrug. ‘It was a conversation about nightmares. We ended up talking about how Leigh and Doug died. It wasn’t pleasant.’

‘It sounds emotionally intense.’

‘It was a conversation,’ Sue said. ‘We’re adults.’

‘Adults opening up to each other and allowing themselves to be vulnerable. That takes trust and it takes openness,’ Meade said. ‘This is very encouraging, Sue. I know that at the moment you feel embarrassed and exposed. Nonetheless, this is a very good sign.’

Sue scowled. ‘It’s good that I would have let him kiss me?’

‘It’s good that you let your guard down enough that he considered it.’ Meade made a note. ‘I don’t think that you’re ready to date, Sue, that’s not the issue. Beginning to open up to someone is the issue. Forming a strong friendship with Kent, growing to care for his son, and standing up to your colleagues are all extremely positive signs that you are beginning to engage with the world more fully.’

‘You make me sound like a hermit,’ she grumbled.

‘You were hurt so you withdrew,’ Meade said. ‘That’s completely normal. Not healthy. Not helpful. But normal.’

Sue leaned down to scratch Rochester’s ear.

‘Did you speak to Kent about what happened?’ Meade asked.

She gave him a look. ‘You know that I didn’t.’

Meade was quiet for a moment. ‘How do you feel about him wanting to kiss you?’

She shifted in her seat. ‘He’s attracted to me. It’s not new and it’s not news.’

‘You’re avoiding the question.’

‘It makes me feel uncomfortable,’ she said.

Meade nodded. ‘It makes you feel uncomfortable because you don’t return his interest, or because you do?’

***

Lee was crying. It was baffling. Sue had helped Kent to decorate the house with pirate flags and treasure maps. They had put out games and prepared gift bags. They had been about to get changed into their costumes, and now Lee was crying. Sobbing hysterically.

‘What’s wrong?’ Sue asked.

Kent picked Lee up and rubbed his back. ‘Nothing. He’s okay.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘He’s sobbing his heart out for fun?’

Kent kissed Lee’s crown. ‘He’s a little overexcited,’ he said. ‘He’ll be okay.’

Lee waved his arm towards Sue and mumbled something.

‘He wants you to give him a cuddle,’ Kent said.

Sue frowned. ‘Typical man, expecting a woman to provide reassurance and support.’ She patted Lee’s back and squeezed his shoulder.

Kent rubbed Lee’s back. ‘Are you ready to put on your costume?’ he asked quietly.

Lee sniffed loudly and nodded.

‘Are you putting yours on?’ Sue asked Kent.

‘It’s compulsory.’ 

‘Then I better help Rochester with his.’

Lee sat up straight. ‘Rochester has a pirate costume?’ he squealed.

‘You’ll see,’ she said.

Sue was not largely in favour of putting clothes on animals. Animals were not people and treating them like small humans was insulting and disrespectful. Nonetheless, she was very aware that Lee and Kent were very invested in the party going well. Kent’s anxiety was contagious. It didn’t help that the guests’ parents seemed to have an allergy to actually saying if they were going to come to the party or not.

So, Sue had made a _small_ accommodation.

‘Sit still,’ she said, putting the pirate hat on Rochester’s head. His floppy ears slipped into the slits comfortably, but she also put the strap under his chin. Then she swapped his collar for one with skulls and crossbones.

‘You look the part very much,’ she said. ‘Well done.’

Rochester licked her nose.

‘Thank you,’ she said.

She had borrowed a frilly shirt from her sister and splashed out on some leather trousers. They were very self-indulgent, but Sue worked hard. She deserved a little treat from time to time. She was looking forward to seeing what Kent thought about them. The rest of her costume she had found in a variety of interesting little second-hand clothing stores. She put on the leather pants, knee-high boots, the frilly shirt, a little waistcoat, and a pirate style frock coat. She strapped on a plastic sword and a pair of toy pistols. Then she pulled on a wig cap and shook out her wig. It was a long, glossy, and raven-coloured wig with Botticelli curls. The tricorn hat sat on top of it quite neatly.

‘What do you think?’ she said to Rochester.

He gave a soft bark.

‘Good.’

She let herself swagger out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

‘My word,’ Kent said, standing up straighter. He was wearing a bandana and an eyepatch. He had a surprisingly realistic cutlass hanging on his hip. He licked his lips. ‘You look… impressive.’

‘I want to see!’ Lee said, running in from the kitchen. ‘Daddy, look! Rochester has a hat! Look Daddy!’

‘I’m looking,’ Kent said.

Lee groaned. ‘No, Daddy, not look at Sue. Look at Rochester.’

Kent looked at him. ‘I’ll look at Rochester and you look at Sue. Deal?’

‘Okay.’

Kent walked over and knelt in front of Rochester to scratch the puppy’s chin. ‘Hello there. You look very smart.’

Lee tugged Sue’s hand. ‘Your hair is pretty.’

‘Thank you, it’s not real,’ she admitted. ‘Do you like my costume?’ 

He nodded. ‘Hold your sword?’

‘Be careful,’ Sue said, handing it over.

Lee giggled gleefully and tried to hold it up.

There was a brief tap on the front door.

Kent took a deep breath. ‘Show time.’

Sue brushed a fleck of fluff from his shirt. ‘You’ve done a wonderful job.’

He swallowed. ‘Thank you,’ he said quietly. ‘You look amazing.’

‘I know today is important to you,’ he said.

There was another tap at the door.

‘Daddy!’

‘I’m going,’ Kent said. ‘You’re always harassing me.’

Lee flung himself after Kent. ‘Sorry, Daddy!’

Sue smiled.

 


	12. Chapter 12

There were ten children with another three possibly arriving. Sue was surprised by the spread of ages. The youngest was about eighteen months and the oldest was six. Five parents had opted to stay at the party. Although it wasn’t stated explicitly, she strongly suspected that these were the children from Lee’s therapy group.

Lawrence and Judith had surprised her by arriving in costume. Cheap and poorly produced costumes, but they had made more of an effort than she expected.

Sue walked into the kitchen to fetch more juice. She was pouring apple juice into the jug when she heard the kitchen door swing open behind her.

Judith was wincing as she walked in. Sue glanced at her and turned away.

‘Do you know where Kent keeps the painkillers?’ Judith asked.

‘In the medicine cabinet in the bathroom,’ Sue said. ‘But I have some Tylenol in my purse.’ She walked over to the shelves where they had put purses out of the reach of small hands.

‘Do you have a child here?’ Judith asked.

‘I have a dog here,’ Sue said, handing over the tablets.

Judith swallowed them. ‘It’s Sue, isn’t it?’

‘Yes. It is.’

Judith brushed her hands together. ‘And what do you do, Sue?’

Sue folded her arms. ‘I work for the president.’

‘The president of what?’

‘The country.’

Judith sniffed. ‘Politics is such a corrupting system. We never understood why Leigh wasted her intelligence and qualifications on an outmoded boys’ club that treated her as disposable.’

‘Interesting,’ Sue said flatly. She put her purse away and opened up the door.

‘You seem to spend a lot of time around my grandson,’ Judith said. ‘Far more than we do. It’s not unreasonable that we would have some questions.’

‘Actually, it is,’ Sue said. ‘No grandparent is allowed to vet the friends of their grandchild’s parent.’

‘Leigh hasn’t even been dead for six months.’

‘Neither has my husband,’ Sue retorted. ‘Kent and I are not dating. He’s my friend. He’s letting me stay here because a tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist sent death threats to my home.’

‘Oh.’ Judith fidgeted with her bandana. ‘Ours are all calling Leigh a whore or government plant or claiming that she never existed.’

Sue shut the door. ‘I didn’t know you got those letters as well.’

‘We all do.’ Judith took out a Kleenex and blew her nose. ‘You don’t go to the group meetings. It happens all the time.’

‘That’s disgusting.’ Sue clasped her hands together. ‘Leigh was a very talented woman.’ She achieved a huge amount in a short while.'

Judith gave Sue a sour look. ‘A child out of wedlock?’

‘A child to whom Kent tells me she was a devoted and loving mother,’ Sue said.

‘He said that?’

‘I believe what he actually said was something about her be willing to dance on broken glass for Lee,’ Sue said.

‘KJ is our life,’ Judith said. ‘But Leigh was so young when she had him. She should have had years before she settled down. She should have had time to have fun, to date, to try different things, and to have adventures.’

‘She made her own choices,’ Sue said. ‘Was she unhappy with them?’

Judith shook her head. ‘You don’t have children. It’s so difficult when you see them making mistakes and you can’t do anything about it.’

‘I know what it’s like to have your choices questioned and derided by parents,’ Sue said. ‘I didn’t know Leigh well, but Kent did. He respected her. He’ll raise her son to respect her memory.’ She yanked open the door and went back to the living room.

Another child was arriving, a little girl slightly older than Lee. She ran across the room to Lee, grinning gleefully. They grabbed each other’s hands and danced in a circle.

‘Do you remember ever being that pleased to see someone?’ Ben asked.

‘When did you get here?’ Sue asked.

‘Couple minutes ago,’ he said. ‘We’re not staying long. Joyce wanted to gawp at all the kids in their costumes.’ He looked at Sue. ‘Have a nosey if you were here.’

‘I was invited,’ Sue said.

‘To a kid’s birthday party?’

Sue put her hand on the hilt of her plastic sword. ‘I was invited by a kid.’

Ben lowered his voice. ‘Lee just lost his mom.’

‘I am _very_ aware of that.’

Ben poked his finger at her. ‘If you play stepmom you better damn well follow through. This is the kind of stuff that can fuck a kid up for life. He’s not a prop and he’s not a pet. What you do and what you say has profound consequences.’

Kent grabbed Ben’s arm. ‘Moderate your language. There are small children listening to you.’

‘Daddy says -’ Kevin began.

‘Stop!’ Joyce said sharply. ‘Nobody needs to know what daddy says.’

‘Time for you to go,’ Kent said to Ben.

Sue saw Lee, distracted and upset, look at all the guests. She saw him sniffle and his eyes fill with tears. She made a snap decision.

She picked him up.

‘Let’s play a game,’ she said.

‘Okay!’

As Ben and Joyce moved past. Joyce caught Sue’s eye.

‘You’re such a natural with him,’ she said.

Sue looked her in the eye. ‘He was about to cry. He’s much heavier than I expected. Now I might cry.’

Joyce nodded cheerfully. ‘It can be a real workout!’

Kent put on some music and got ready to start a game. Sue expected Lee to scramble down and play, but instead he laid his head on her shoulder.

‘I miss mommy,’ he said quietly.

‘I know,’ Sue said.

***

Sue had wondered if providing food was a good idea. They would make a mess. They might fight over food. They might get hopped up on sugar. Kent had chosen to provide pizzas, chicken wings, grilled veggies, ice cream, and jello. lt had gone down well with the children who, for the first time in hours, were sat in companionable quiet as they ate.

‘It’s going well,’ Sue said to Kent.

‘The pirate captain is running late,’ Kent said, scowling at his cell phone.

‘The pirate captain?’ Sue asked.

‘The entertainer. A Jack Sparrow knock-off,’ he said. He paused. ‘You have no idea who that is.’

‘I do not.’ She put her hand on his arm. ‘But the party is going well. Lee is having a good time.’

Kent sighed. ‘He misses his mother.’

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘Naturally he does. Kent, you are an excellent father, but you are one person. You cannot be both mother and father.’

‘Single moms do it every day,’ he said.

‘Let me rephrase then. He had a mother. You cannot replace her. Nobody will truly replace her, particularly if you refuse to date while he is a child. But he loves you. You will be the next best thing.’

Kent nodded slowly. ‘Thank you.’

Sue adjusted her hat. ‘I should tell you: I had words with Judith.’

‘About what?’

Sue shrugged. ‘Why I’m here. Whether Leigh made "mistakes" in her life. Judith annoyed me.’

Kent reddened. ‘They wanted her to continue her studies. Get into academia. It was a running argument. This isn’t the place for it and she had no business bad-mouthing Leigh to you.’

‘She didn’t precisely do that,’ Sue said. ‘But they should be more grateful that you work to include them in Lee’s life.’

There was a creak from the ceiling.

‘Someone probably lost on the way to the bathroom,’ Kent said.

‘I’ll deal with it,’ Sue said.

‘I can do it.’

Sue shook her head. ‘It’s Lee’s birthday. Take some time out of worrying and spend it with him.’

‘Ouch,’ Kent said mildly.

‘You know what I mean.’ She gave Lee’s shoulder a brief squeeze as she went past. To hell with Ben and his bizarre assumptions. He’d been divorced three times and he dared to lecture Sue on following through? She knew more about Lee than he probably knew about any his own children. Was Kent supposed to get his approval before he had any adult friends meet Lee?

She heard rustling from one of the bedrooms. Rustling and muffled weeping. Leigh’s bedroom. But Kent and Lee were both downstairs.

Sue cautiously opened the bedroom door, holding her plastic sword in her hand. She didn’t see anyone at first, and then she edged around the bed. It should have been obvious, she supposed. Who would crying in Leigh’s bedroom but family?

She sat down on the bed.

‘The room smells of her,’ Lawrence said. ‘How does it still smell of her?’

‘Kent had a perfume made,’ Sue said. ‘He wanted Lee to be able to remember it. Perhaps he spritzes it in here.’

‘He’s not going to remember her,’ Lawrence said. ‘She’ll just be a word.  Meaningless.’ He started to cry again. ‘We tried for years to have her. We tried for years to give her a brother or sister.’ He rubbed his eyes. ‘She was so tiny. I could... I could hold her in one hand. She was my little girl.’

Sue patted his shoulder.

‘She was okay! She was supposed to be okay! Just a banged head,’ He put his head in his hands. ‘We should have been there.’

‘It was quick,’ Sue said. ‘Kent said she was talking but when he came back from the restroom it had happened. It was very quick.’

‘She was my baby,’ he whispered. ‘She was just a baby.’

***

That was Jack Sparrow. Hmm. It seemed that he was reasonably accurate to the original character, given the enthusiasm he engendered, but Sue was strongly of the opinion that he was a fuck boy.

After the last child left, she and Kent stood among the devastation, and Lee yawned.

‘I’m tired,' he said. 

They stared at him.

‘I’ll mark this on the calendar,’ Kent said. ‘The day you admitted being tired.’

‘Ugh!’ Lee groaned.

Kent looked at Sue. ‘Could you possibly do me a huge favour?’

‘Possibly,’ she allowed. ‘What is it?’

Kent took off his bandana and eye patch. ‘Would you give him his shower and get him changed into his pyjamas? I’ll obviously put him to bed.’ He spread out his hands. ‘I need to get a head start on this mess.’

Sue swallowed. ‘I could tidy up. I’m sure Lee doesn’t want me to give him a shower.’

Kent nudged Lee. ‘Is it okay if Sue gives you a shower?’

Lee nodded. ‘Yup.’

‘Hopefully he won’t fall asleep while he’s in there,’ Kent said lightly.

Sue tried to smile but it felt like a grimace. This was wrong on approximately five thousand levels. It had been bad enough wiping his butt. Now she had to bathe him? What if he slipped? What if he fell? What if he was one of those disgusting people who peed in the shower?

Lee trooped into the bathroom and peeled off his costume.

‘I have baths,’ Sue said uneasily.

He shuddered. ‘Baths are scary.’

‘Why?’

‘My mommy burned my arm with hot water!’ he said.

‘It’s called a scald,’ Sue said automatically. ‘If you get burned with something wet it’s called a scald.’ She licked her lips. ‘Are you sure she scolded you?’

He waved his arm at her. There was a tiny circle of paler skin on his forearm.

Sue took a breath. ‘I am sure that was an accident. Your mommy loved you. Sometimes adults make mistakes. I’m sure it was a mistake. She wouldn’t deliberately hurt you.’

It was clear that Lee didn’t quite understand, but he was a bright boy, and he knew that _something_ important had been said.

‘Mommy loved me,’ he said. There was a tiny tremor of uncertainty in his voice.

‘She did,’ Sue said as definitively as possible. ‘She loved you more that anything in the world.’

***

Sue collapsed down on the couch. Kent was upstairs reading Lee a bedtime story. She wondered where the concept had come from. What was the point of training children to need the assistance of their parents before they could sleep? The practical thing, the logical thing, was to train them to be able to sleep without any assistance.

It was clearly not a practical issue. Sue suspected that it was more for the benefit of the parents, not the children. It was a way to force themselves to spend time with their child at a preapproved time no matter what else happened.

Kent didn’t need it. He spent a lot of time with Lee. Far more time than Sue had ever spent with both her parents combined. Sue was not one of those people who thought that if something was good enough for her then it should be good enough for everyone else. She made a definite effort not to think that. That was very much the way her mother thought.

Sue sipped her mug of hot chocolate. She had barely known Leigh, but Kent had known her. Kent respected Leigh. If he had known that she injured Lee, then it _must_ have been an accident. Kent would never had let a deliberate injury go. She was utterly sure of that. She wasn’t sure how she knew it, but she did.

A while later she heard Kent’s step on the stairs. She took another sip of her hot chocolate and looked up as Kent walked into the room.

‘Impressive,’ Sue said.

‘What’s that?’ he asked.

‘You didn’t fall asleep.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘I’ve been up for fifteen hours. If I had fallen asleep it would have been completely understandable.’

She moved along to allow him to sit next to her. ‘When you were at the West Wing you frequently worked longer hours than that.’

‘When I was at the West Wing, I was able to hide and nap.’

She smiled at him. ‘You didn’t do that.’

He returned her smile. ‘I admit nothing.’

‘Very wise.’

Kent rubbed his forehead with his palm. ‘I can’t help but notice that this is much tidier than when I left it.’

‘Is it?’ She asked innocently. ‘Are you sure?’

‘I was sure,’ he said. ‘You didn’t have to do that.’

‘I don’t _have_ to do anything,’ she said.

Kent leaned back against the couch. He closed his eyes as he rubbed his eyes. ‘I think he had a good time.’

Sue licked her lips. Kent’s face was relaxed now, shorn of the usual tension and stress.

‘He had a wonderful time,’ Sue said. ‘You should be very proud.’

A little redness flushed his cheeks. ‘You were a huge help.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t be gracious. It doesn’t suit you.’

He chuckled. ‘I was being honest.’

‘That doesn’t suit you either.’ She reached over to pluck a stray hair from his collar.

Kent frowned slightly. ‘Is something unsettling you?’

She clasped her hands together. ‘I had a rather unsettling discussion with Lee about why he’s afraid of baths.’

Kent sighed. ‘Ah. He told you about the scalding?’

Sue nodded. ‘He said Leigh did it.’

‘It was an accident. She was exhausted. She was about to test the temperature when she partially lost her grip on him. Babies can be scalded or burned at much lower temperatures than adults.’ Kent pushed back his hair. ‘His arm went in the water. She ran it under cold water immediately and then she rushed him to the hospital. I guess she missed a spot.’

‘I assumed as much.’ Sue felt herself relax. ‘Or you would have sued her for custody.’

Kent winced. ‘It was a dreadful. Child services were called automatically. Leigh was completely hysterical. She gave them my name. It’s how I learned about Lee. He didn’t know me and I didn’t have the first idea how to care for him while they were investigating her.’

Sue put her hand over his. ‘Obviously you cleared it all up.’

‘It took a while,’ he admitted. ‘Honestly, I don’t think she ever forgave herself.’

‘You wouldn’t if it had been you,’ she said.

He nodded. ‘It’s one of my nightmares.’

‘I’m surprised he remembers,’ Sue said. ‘Or does he remember that Leigh told him about it?’

Kent pulled a wry expression. ‘She was somewhat… over-anxious about scalds and burns after that. She told him why. I know she only meant for him to have a sensible regard for hot surfaces but… Well.’

‘Fortunately, he’s already in therapy,’ Sue said dryly. ‘And neurotic white boys are always considered fascinating and deep.’

‘Oof. That’s a horrifying image.’ He looked at her. ‘What did you tell him?’

‘That it must have been an accident,’ she said. ‘That she loved him very much.’

Kent looked at his hands. ‘I don’t thank you enough for that. Children his age need constant reassurance. It must be frustrating for you.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she said more sharply than she intended. ‘I’m not heartless.’

He looked at her. ‘I know that. If you were heartless you wouldn’t put up the walls that you do. I see how much witnessing pain and distress hurts you.’   

‘Now you’re being overly sentimental,’ she muttered.

‘I don’t think so.’ He touched his palm to her face. ‘You don’t fool me.’

She felt the blood rush to her face. ‘You’re making a fool of yourself without my help.’

Kent moved back against the couch. ‘There was a time when I would’ve taken you at your word.’

‘You should always take me at my word,’ she said severely.

Kent smiled, and closed his eyes. ‘Sue Levinson-Wilson, desperately serious every moment of every day.’

‘I am a serious person,’ she said, leaning against him.

‘You’re adorable,’ he murmured.

Sue looked up at him. ‘How tired are you?’

‘So tired.’

She put her hand over his and closed her eyes. ‘It’s been a long day.’

***

Sue shivered slightly. She opened her eyes. They were both on the couch, but they had slipped. Kent was lay down, and Sue was leaning against him. She thought, from the sound of his breathing, that he was awake.

‘Are you awake?’ Sue asked.

‘No.’

She should have sat up. It should have been awkward and embarrassing. It wasn’t.

She rubbed her eyes with her palm. ‘What time is it?’

His body shifted as he checked his watch. ‘Hmm. Nearly two.’

Sue groaned. Now she sat up. ‘This was not the best sleep I have ever had.’

Kent shrugged as he sat up. ‘I’ve had worse.’

He had the slight blurriness of sleepiness. His expression was open and relaxed. She hadn’t seen him so unguarded in a long time. He stood up and offered Sue his hand.

Sue rose too quickly and stumbled forward against him. His other arm automatically slid around her waist to steady her.

‘Whoops,’ he said, smiling at her.

‘Thank you.’

‘Any time.’

He looked at her mouth.

She kissed him. Just softly pressed her lips against his. There was a moment, a heartbeat or two, before he returned the kiss.

‘We shouldn’t...’ she said.

‘I should um…’ he murmured.

‘Of course,’ she said.

‘Good night,’ Kent said, touching her hand.

‘Night.’  

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

Sue stared at the ceiling. Rochester was lay across her feet. She could hear him snoring quietly. Doug didn’t snore, he whistled. It was a low, quiet sound. He’d told her that it annoyed some people. She was prepared for it to be irritating, or for it to become irritating. It never did. In time it simply became white noise. She stopped hearing it. She stopped hearing his whistle. Just as she stopped finding his teasing infantile and instead realised it was affectionate.

They had never discussed what would happen if one of them died. It was the kind of sentimental nonsense that cropped up in movies. If I die go on without me. Oh, but I could never do that. But you must.

Etcetera, etcetera.

Sue didn’t like the idea of anyone moving on without her. She should be more important than that. Anyone should be more important than that.

What was _wrong_ with her? It wasn’t even six months. It was disgusting. It was disrespectful. How could she do that to Doug? He deserved better. She owed him better. If his ghost had appeared at the end of the bed and began berating her she wouldn’t have blamed him. Doug didn’t believe in an afterlife. Well, not a religious afterlife. He believed that life was the universe attempting to understand itself. That nothing ever truly died. That all matter returned to the universe. Energy couldn’t be destroyed, it could only be transferred from one form to another. From living people back to the universe as a whole. He said he found it comforting. Sue wasn’t sure.

***

Lee was at the table when Sue came down to breakfast. That was normal. Reassuring even. Even so, she was tense. Kent always read too much into things. He wanted too much. He hoped too much. He got hurt too much and too easily.

‘Morning,’ Kent said, with a brief, bland smile. ‘Detective Greene is coming around ten.’

‘Why?’ Sue yanked back her chair.

‘Some kind of update,’ Kent said.

‘Daddy, it’s dirty,’ Lee said, poking his food.

‘What?’

Lee scowled. ‘Dirty food!’

Kent leaned over to look at the bowl. ‘Your French toast isn’t dirty.’

‘It’s brown!’

‘That’s the Maillard reaction,’ Kent said. ‘It’s a reaction between amino acids and certain sugars. It’s what makes it taste good.’

Lee’s lower lip wobbled. ‘I don’t like it.’

‘You’re missing the best part.’ Sue picked up her knife. ‘I’ll take it off if you like.’

Lee pushed the plate towards her.

‘What do you say?’ Kent asked.

‘Please and thank you,’ Lee said.

She scraped the golden-brown bread from the French toast. ‘My daddy never cooked me breakfast,’ she said. ‘I had to get myself cereal.’

Lee was thoughtful. ‘A long time ago daddy made me pancakes.’

‘That was last week,’ Kent said. There was a little twinkle in his eye.

‘They were really, really good,’ Lee said.

Kent kissed his forehead.

It was true. Sue’s father had been a traditionalist in that he believed children were the province of their mother. He had little or no input into her upbringing, with the single exception of fulfilling the role of bogeyman. “Wait until your father gets home,” was a dire threat for when Grace felt that slaps and slippers were not sufficient punishment.

Sue barely knew her father as a person. As a human being. She hadn’t learned his first name until she was eleven. He wasn’t a person to her. He was an ogre. A monster to be invoked. His death had mostly brought relief.

‘What’s wrong, Sue?’ Lee asked.

‘Nothing,’ she said immediately.

‘Adults can be sad sometimes,’ Kent said. ‘Sometimes we remember bad things that have happened and we feel sad.’

Lee leaned closer to Sue. ‘Were you remembering a bad thing?’

She nodded. Lee got off his chair and put his arms around her. It was a tiny thing. His arms didn’t reach. It should have ridiculous, this tiny child with no concept of what she might have been feeling, trying to comfort her.

Sue kissed her cheek and rubbed his back. ‘Thank you,’ she said honestly.

‘It’s okay,’ Lee said earnestly, looking up at her. ‘Hugs are good.’

***

Detective Greene was pissed. It was clear from the way his jaw was clenched. Nonetheless he kept smiling. It was somewhat alarming. The NSA agent with him, a slim blonde who never took off her sunglasses, didn’t smile at all.

‘An arrest was made this morning,’ Greene said.

Kent checked his watch.

‘At two am,’ the NSA agent said. ‘With cases of national security, we always take the bad guys by surprise.’

Greene sorted. ‘Obviously we would have never thought of that.’

‘If we had been told about the security breach immediately, then the issue could have been resolved weeks ago,’ she retorted.

‘Well we didn’t know the problem was your inability to keep out hackers,’ Greene said.

‘Hackers?’ Kent said quickly.

‘That’s how they found Mrs Wilson-Levinson’s address,’ Greene said, ‘but only your landline. The data was incomplete.’

‘You are now free to return to your home,’ the NSA agent said.

Sue and Kent watched the two officers stamp to their car. Each of them apparently doing their best to have nothing to do with the other.

‘Do you think they’ve slept together yet or have they restrained themselves?’ Kent asked.

‘By that logic you should have had an affair with Selina Meyer,’ Sue said. ‘And Roger Furlong.’

‘By that logic everyone he ever met had an affair with Roger.’ Kent looked at her. ‘Would it be terrible if I said I’m glad you didn’t go home weeks ago?’

‘Appalling,’ she said. She set her shoulders. ‘I should pack.’

‘Lee is going to miss you,’ Kent said quietly.

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘It would be very irresponsible of me to simply drop out of his life.’

‘He’s exceedingly fond of you,’ Kent said. ‘Perhaps you would consider taking him to his baking lessons?’

‘I’d like that, she said.

‘And we can still meet for coffee and similar.’

It wasn’t the same as it used to be. It was hopeful but not desperate.

Sue nodded. ‘Yes, and you did promise to come to the reception for the North Korean premier,’ she said.

‘I’m looking forward to it,’ he said.

‘Good.’

‘Good.’

***

Sue crossed her legs and leaned down to fiddle with her heel.

‘I saw a report that two people were arrested for threatening family members of the train crash victims,’ Dr Meade said.

‘Among other things,’ Sue said.

‘Were they the people who threatened you?’

‘Yes.’ Sue brushed off her hands.

‘You know, my colleague has toys he uses to help his patients to open up. Perhaps we could try it. Admittedly his patients are young children...’

Sue scowled. ‘That’s not necessary.’

Meade spread out his hands. ‘You’re obviously agitated. Why don’t we start chronologically? How was Lee’s birthday party?’

‘Fine.’

‘Fine?’

She shrugged. ‘There were a few little issues with his grandparents. Leigh’s parents.’

Meade nodded. ‘You’ve displayed quite a lot of antipathy to them in the past.’

‘They’re rude and disrespectful.’

‘To you?’ he asked.

‘To Kent.’ She looked away. ‘Judith has sometimes made comments about Leigh bearing a child out of wedlock.’

Meade made a note. ‘But not to Lee?’

She shook her head. ‘Not directly. They do think she should’ve waited to get pregnant.’

‘You’ve said you suspected it was deliberate,’ Meade said.

Sue tapped her thumbs together. ‘Leigh was not a thoughtless young woman. Kent is a devoted father with significant material worth. His age is against him but otherwise he is an excellent prospect for fatherhood.’

‘You think she would be so cold-hearted about it?’ Meade asked.

She thought about it. ‘I think she would be practical. Leigh was a pragmatic woman.’ She shrugged. ‘It doesn’t matter. Judith wanted to know why I was at the party and Lawrence hid in Leigh’s bedroom and cried.’

Meade looked at her. ‘Losing a child is one of the most traumatic things that can happen to anyone.’

‘That doesn’t mean I have to like them,’ Sue said. ‘What if Lee had found Laurence crying? He would be extremely distressed.’

‘Were you distressed?

She shrugged but didn’t look at him. ‘It wasn’t pleasant.’

Meade made a note. ‘Other than that, did you have a good time?’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘Did I have a good time at a child’s birthday party?’

Meade smiled. ‘You like Lee. You enjoy spending time with him. You enjoy spending time with Kent.’

She didn’t think that she reacted, but she did. She knew because she saw the surprise and realisation bloom on his face.

‘I don’t enjoy hordes of screaming children,’ Sue mumbled.

‘You disliked it?’ Meade asked.

‘It was all right,’ Sue said. ‘Afterwards... Afterwards I gave Lee a shower while Kent tidied up.’

‘Is that the first time you’ve given Lee a shower?’

Sue nodded. ‘Yes. It was not something I would ever wish with to do again.’

‘Kent clearly has a huge amount of trust in you,’ Meade said.

Sue set her shoulders. ‘It was extremely stressful, but no harm eventuated.’

‘He could have been hurt,’ Meade said. ‘Very easily. Does that bother you?’

She nodded. ‘Children are fragile.’

‘But Kent trusts you. Lee trusts you.’

‘I’m very trustworthy.’ She licked her lips. ‘Afterwards, Kent and I chatted for a while. We fell asleep on the couch.’

Meade was watching her. Waiting.

‘When we stood there was...’ she shifted in her chair. ‘A moment.’

‘A moment? ‘Meade asked gently.

‘We kissed,’ Sue admitted.

Meade nodded. ‘I see.’

‘Just a kiss,’ she said. ‘Nothing more. Nothing significant.’

Meade made a note. ‘Tell me about that.’

‘I don’t know what to say,’ she said automatically.

Meade tipped his head to the side. ‘Sue, you want to talk about it. So, tell me.’

She knitted her fingers together. ‘I kissed him. He kissed me. It was tiny. Momentary. I... Doug hasn’t only been gone a few months. How could I do that? He deserves better than that.’

Meade handed her a box of Kleenex. ‘It’s very natural that you would reach out for emotional support. Kent is the logical person for you to reach out towards.’

‘I’m not a teenager,’ she said. ‘I should have self-control.’

Meade nodded. ‘True, but no self-control is absolute.’

Sue crossed her legs. ‘I should have more.’

‘This is what I was concerned about,’ Meade said. ‘Sexual desires might hibernate, but they don’t vanish because you are grieving. Refusing to acknowledge them makes it so much more difficult for you to come to terms.’

‘I should know better than acting on them.’

Meade clasped his hands on his knee. ‘We’ve spoken about guilt before. It has its uses from time to time, but overwhelmingly it is corrosive and corrupting.’

Sue waved her hand. ‘It’s good that I’ve moved out. There will be no more temptations.’

Meade raised his eyebrow. ‘You’re returning home?’

‘Yes. Three days ago.’ She straightened her skirt. ‘Lee was very upset. He cried a great deal. I had to promise to take him baking.’

‘Unconditional love is almost impossible,’ Meade said. ‘But young children can come very close. All they ask is that you love them.’

Sue swallowed. ‘It’s complicated,’ she muttered. 

‘How did Kent take you leaving?’ Mead asked.

Sue tensed. ‘He didn’t say anything.’

‘Nothing?’

She shifted in her seat. ‘He said that it had been a pleasure having me stay. The sort of pleasantry you would expect.’

Meade nodded. ‘Did he say anything about you kissing?’

‘No.’ Sue clasped her hands. ‘He has no intention of dating until Lee is of age. He and Leigh thought either of them dating would be disruptive.’

‘The idea that life can be controlled, that disruptions can be denied, is a dangerous myth,’ Meade said. ‘It’s also very easy to make life changing decision with the best of intentions. Living with those decisions can be completely different.’

‘Kent was very clear that he’s not going to date,’ Sue said.

‘Absolutely,’ Meade said. ‘However, it is always a good idea to be aware that decisions can be changed.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘Is that the entirety of your advice?’

Meade turned his pen over in his hands. ‘Suppressing your emotions always causes problems. You are likely to find you notice them slip out unexpectedly, in the same way that you kissed Kent not as a cool decision but an act of instinct. Acknowledging your emotions will make that less likely to happen.’

‘I see,’ Sue said. ‘I will consider it.’

***

‘So, fucking what?’ Amy said. ‘You and Kent have sexual tension. Big fucking whoop.’

‘That’s not the point,’ Sue said, raising her voice over the sound over the music. ‘I’m not dating. Nothing is going on with Kent.’

Amy tried vainly to relieve her discomfort. ‘What do you want to hear, Sue? Because I don’t know what to fucking tell you. You don’t want Kent. You do want Kent. I’m having Dan’s baby. Dan fucking Egan! Seriously, Sue, why are you asking me if you don’t want to tell you to just fuck Kent already?’

Sue tightened her lips. ‘I am asking you because you’re my friend and your opinion is important to me.’

Amy’s breathing was beginning to get faster. ‘You wanna wait before you start fucking, Kent? Fine. Wait six months or a year or however long it takes. But don’t pretend you don’t want to. You can’t convince yourself so don’t pretend you can convince any fucker else.’

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘You have gone a very peculiar colour.’

‘Yeah, pretty sure my water just broke.’

***

It was not how Sue had planned to spend her evening. If there had to be loud noises, flashing lights, and drugs, she would have rather gone to a club then been in an ambulance.

It was all deeply unpleasant. It was horribly organic, with the smell of amniotic fluid, Amy’s growls and yells, and the suggestion of blood in the air. Sue had been pleasantly surprised by Dan’s response to her phone call. He had sounded as close to panic as she had ever heard. When he told Sue that he was on the way to the hospital, she believed him.

She texted Kent. Not because he had any need to know, not because Amy asked her too, but because she was uneasy and nervous.

_SOUNDS SCARY,_ he replied

It was scary. She was scared. Anything could happen. Amy, a woman Sue had seen punch a Russian general for grabbing her ass, was whimpering in pain.

_IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY_

Sue smiled slightly. He couldn’t know that. But it was still comforting. She remembered that Ben had suffered another heart attack the previous year. Amy said that Kent had gone with Ben in the ambulance.

It was an odd friendship. Kent and Ben didn’t seem to like each other much and beyond work they almost nothing in common. They bickered almost constantly, with Ben generally being the one to prod and provoke. Nonetheless, when things became difficult, Kent and Ben would swing together as smoothly and neatly as beautifully designed doors. Sue had seen them gang up together against unsuspecting opponents who imagined them to be enemies. She had seen Ben attack anyone he thought was stepping on his “privilege” to abuse Kent. He had even pulled Sue to one side after her breakup with Kent and told her to "play nice.” That he suggested she was more easily dispensed with than Kent had been horribly unpleasant.

Men. The only support they could give each other was to threaten violence, one way or another.

Amy’s scrabbling fingers caught Sue’s hand. Amy’s eyes had a panicked cast.

‘It’s going to be okay,’ Sue said, squeezing her hand.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes.’

***

The house was so quiet at night. All Sue could hear was Rochester’s breathing. She had grown used to the sounds of Kent’s house. Over a few weeks, the gentle creaking of Lee’s bed as he turned in his sleep, and the occasional murmurs and groans when Kent had bad dreams, had become normal and natural. His cats’ claws tapping on the hardwood floors as they patrolled the rooms was as expected as the ticking of a clock. Kent’s home had its own ecosystem, reliable and reassuring.

Now she was lay awake, yet again, listening to the silence. She had already picked out her outfit for tomorrow and packed her bag. She had got everything she needed together. She knew what she was going to do. She knew where she was going to go. It was all very simple and clear.

She wanted to crawl under the bed and hide. She needed to vomit. Sourness washed around her gut. Her stomach clenched like a fist.

Sue needed to sleep. If she took something to knock her out, then she knew that her night would be filled with terror, body parts, and screams. Nightmares without redemption and without comfort.

Sue tapped her feet together. She turned onto her side. Rochester gave a gentle, inquisitive bark and licked her hand. She found her cell on the bedside table and turned it on.

She checked her Twitter account. She checked Facebook and Buzzfeed. There was nothing interesting happening. She texted Kent, and then got out of bed. She pulled on her dressing gown and went downstairs. She was in the kitchen when Kent replied to her text.

WHAT’S UP?

CAN’T SLEEP.

Her cell began to ring. She smiled as she answered, tucking it between her ear and shoulder.

‘You’re up late,’ Sue said.

‘Who said I’m up?’ Kent asked.

‘Easy Tiger,’ she murmured.

‘I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,’ he said sweetly. ‘I’m in bed. Ergo lay down. Not up.’

Sue made a mug of hot chocolate. ‘Did you I wake you up?’ she asked quietly

‘I’m having some difficulty sleeping through the night,’ he admitted.

Sue opened a packet of marshmallows. ‘Bad dreams?’

‘Some,’ he said. ‘I’m having trouble clearing my mind.’

‘Meditation not working?’ she teased gently.

‘Not successfully,’ he said.

Sue sipped her drink. ‘I can’t sleep. I can’t settle.’

‘Are you going to the inquiry tomorrow?’

‘I told you I was.’ She rubbed her thumb along the lip of her mug.

‘You might have changed your mind.’

She sighed. ‘It’s not a whim,’ she said mildly.

‘I know that,’ Kent said softly. ‘But it’s bound to be distressing. They will discuss everything in forensic detail. Nobody should blame you if you changed your mind.’

Sue took another sip of her drink. ‘I owe it to Doug.’               

‘Understood,’ he said.

‘Will you be going?’

‘I owe it to Leigh,’ he said. ‘I’ve been told I might be questioned about her death. Whether medical attention was prompt and proper.’

Sue pushed back her hair. ‘That’s not the major issue.’

‘No, but her parents are considering legal action against the hospital.’ Kent released a slow breath. ‘If they argue they’re acting in Lee’s best interest I’m not sure that I can argue they’re wrong.’

Sue stared at nothing. ‘I’ve been told I’ll be questioned about what I saw at the accident scene.’

‘Fuck,’ Kent said.

It was so… normal and natural, when Kent swearing, Kent saying “fuck,” should be neither. It should be an affront against nature.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asked.

‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘I’m sick of hearing about the accident.’

‘Then you’re going to hate the inquiry,’ Kent said lightly.

Sue snorted. ‘What are you wearing?’

‘Is this phone sex?’ Kent asked.

‘If you have to ask them it’s not.’

‘Damn,’ Kent said. ‘Pyjama pants.’

‘Not those blue and white cotton ones I hope,’ she said.

‘Red silk,’ he said.

Sue giggled out loud. ‘Stop it!’

‘I have black satin sheets,’ Kent continued. ‘And I wear a gold silk G-string.’

Sue broke out into snorts of laughter, unable to stop until she cried.

‘I am beginning to think you are not taking this seriously,’ he said sadly.

Sue wiped her eyes with her hands. ‘Oh my God.’

‘I’ll have you know that I look _fabulous_.’

Sue grinned as she sipped her hot chocolate. ‘Why weren’t you this much fun when we were dating?’

Kent sighed. ‘I wasn’t comfortable enough when we were dating.’

‘Intense dramatic love affairs rarely involve comfort,’ Sue said, playing with the sink plug. ‘We weren’t very good for each other.’

She heard him sigh.

‘I cared for you,’ he said quietly. ‘So much.’

‘I know,’ Sue promised. ‘It was all so very dramatic. That wasn’t all your issue. I’ll never admit it, but I may have been partly to blame.’

Kent chuckled. ‘That’s very magnanimous of you.’

Sue chewed her lower lip. ‘You’re different now.’

There was a long pause. Long enough to make her wonder if she had said too much or the wrong thing.

‘How am I different?’ he asked curiously.

Sue ran her thumb across the lip of her mug. ‘Much more relaxed. Calmer. Less intense.’

When he spoke, there was mild surprise in his voice. ‘That’s not generally the stereotype associated with becoming a parent.’

Sue walked into the living room. ‘But we’re not talking about your attitude to parenting,’ she said. ‘You’re extremely focussed about _that_ , as you should be. You seem calmer and more relaxed in other ways.’

‘Ah,’ he said. ‘I fear I have become a cliché: the parent who bores everyone by talking about how their child has transformed their life.’

Sue smiled, recognising the slight self-mocking tone in his voice. ‘You know that you don’t do that,’ she said. ‘Nonetheless it has affected you. You were always...’

‘Always what?’

Sue turned her gaze up and around. ‘I don’t wish to insult you.’

She heard a rustling noise over the phone.

‘It’s never bothered you before,’ he said.

‘You had a great deal of…affection,’ she said carefully. ‘You seemed to struggle to appropriately express it.’

‘Ah.’

‘You don’t sound entirely surprised,’ she said cautiously.

Kent chuckled. ‘You haven’t always been so circumspect. You told me that I was smothering you.’

Sue closed her eyes. ‘I did. I forgot.’

‘It’s okay,’ he said gently. ‘You were probably right.’

‘I’m not comfortable with that level of attentiveness.’

‘I am well aware,’ he said dryly.

Sue sighed. ‘I’m working on it,’ she said. ‘And you don’t appear to smother Lee.’

She heard him say something to someone else, but she only caught, "silly girl." The sick feeling in her stomach returned with full force.

‘I’m working on it,’ he said. ‘I have been for a while.’

‘Is someone else there?’ Sue demanded. She hated the sharpness in her voice. He didn’t owe her anything. He could have anyone in his bed that he wanted. She hated the thought of it.

‘Someone else?’ he asked.

‘You spoke to someone,’ she said, she tried to sound calm but was sure she sounded strangled.

‘Just Mary. Oh! The cat. She likes to lie on my arms. I have no idea why.’

The realisation in his voice was the worst part. He knew that she had been pissed and he knew why.

‘Right,’ Sue said. ‘Right.’

‘I haven’t had a woman in my bed for quite a while,’ he said lightly. ‘And the last one only wanted to cuddle.’

‘You’d had a nightmare,’ Sue protested.

‘And before that it had been months.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘That’s your own fault for not making an effort. You’re an attractive man with a good career. You could get laid.’

‘Sex for its own sake was never much of a draw for me,’ he admitted.

‘You’re a romantic,’ she said.

‘There’s no need to insult me.’

Sue washed out her mug. ‘Did you and Leigh never... comfort each other?’

‘After the night Lee was conceived? No,’ Kent said. ‘There wasn’t a great deal of romantic or sexual connection between us. She was a good friend. There was no lingering desire as with... well.’

Sue licked her lips. ‘Do you ever regret our breakup?’

‘I used to,’ he said. ‘But I think it was the wrong time for us. I wanted too much. You wanted too little.’

‘You would have never had Lee,’ she said.

‘No, and you wouldn’t have married Doug.’ Kent’s voice changed as he moved. ‘Having Lee made me a better man. Marrying Doug seems to have made you a happier woman.’

‘If you’d said a better woman I would have driven over there and slapped you.’

He chuckled. ‘ln your nightwear?’

‘In my silk nightie.’

‘I’m sorry I missed that.’

Sue turned off the kitchen light. ‘I don’t want to go the inquiry.’

‘Neither do I.’

‘We could go together,’ she suggested.

‘If you come to the house I could drive us.’

‘You could come here,’ she said.

‘But then Lee wouldn’t see you,’ Kent said.

Sue walked upstairs. ‘I’m sure he’s forgotten all about me,’ she said quietly.

‘No. He misses you.’

She smiled. ‘Does he?’

‘Very much,’ Kent said quietly. ‘It would be great to see you:’

‘Okay then,’ she said. ‘I’ll see you both tomorrow.’


	14. Chapter 14

Sue was running slightly late, which was to say she was going to be on time instead of five minutes early. Sue did not believe in leaving things until the last minute. It was unprofessional.

She saw Lee as she parked the car. He was in the living room window, which meant he had to have climbed up onto the back of the couch. Hmm. Kent wouldn’t be happy about that.

Lee started waving and shouting as she walked up to the door. Sue gave him a wave and unlocked the door.

‘Sue! Sue! Sue!’ Lee leaped into her arms as Rochester barked. ‘I went for a horse ride! His name was Jess and he was black and he had a penis it was swinging around and I had to wear a hat and daddy’s horse was so big and he was brown and he was called Inferno!’

‘That sounds exciting,’ Sue said, carrying him into the house.

‘I wanted to race but I wasn’t allowed to race but daddy said maybe when I’m older.’

Sue turned around when she heard the creak of the stairs.

‘Hi,’ Kent said.

‘He was in the window,’ Sue said. ‘I was concerned he might fall, otherwise I wouldn’t have let myself in.’

‘I told you to keep a key,’ Kent said, kissing her cheek. He took Lee from her. ‘You are getting too big to be picked up.’

‘Aww,’ Lee moaned.

‘You don’t want to hurt Sue’s back, do you?’

‘No Daddy,’ Lee chimed.

Kent ruffled his hair. ‘I’ll put the coffee machine on.’

‘Thank you,’ Sue said. 

They went through to the kitchen, with Lee fussing Rochester and chattering brightly.

‘It hit Sarah on the head!’ he squealed.

Sue looked at Kent, who was trying to stop himself from laughing. ‘I lost the thread,’ she asked. ‘What hit Sarah on the head?’

‘Jess’s wee-wee!’

‘Sarah was a little girl in the group,’ Kent managed. ‘And Lee, wee-wee is slang. The proper name is penis.’

‘Wee-wee is funnier,’ Lee said. He grinned at Sue. ‘I like being funny.’

‘You’re very good at it,’ Sue said.

He had been thrilled to see her every time she visited after moving out. She kept waiting for the inevitable, crushing moment when he no longer cared. It hadn’t come yet. It was an odd sensation. The only time anyone was happier to see her was when Rochester had been left in someone else’s care. That would happen later on, when she brought Lee back. Lee would scramble all over Kent, words tumbling out incoherently, while Rochester bounced around Sue as if he hadn’t seen her in months.

Lee took her hand automatically. They had a routine now. She went to the house and had coffee with Kent, then took Lee to the bakery for the baking lesson. Afterwards, she took Lee for lunch. That was her favourite part. Lee was quiet in public more often than not. He was generally amused well enough with paper and coloured pencils or a tablet. For Sue there was something oddly reassuring about sitting quietly, eating, and listening to the gentle scratch of pencil on paper.

‘Sue?’

‘What?’

‘I need to poop,’ he said.

She sighed. ‘Right.’

‘Do you need to poop?’ he asked politely.

‘Not just yet.’

She tried to concentrate on Lee and not the inquiry. It had been going for three weeks and was expected to last several weeks more. It had been brutal. Photographs of the aftermath had been blown up in size. Mangled bodies everywhere. Some of them almost impossible to recognise. The place was packed with family members.

Kent seemed to know most of them. He even knew Monica, Doug’s sister. That had been horrible. Monica had been... fine. Polite. She was usually a brightly cheerful woman, but her baby brother was dead, and his widow was spending a lot of time with another man. Sue's guilt had been brutal. What was she doing spending time with Kent, even as a friend, when Doug was dead?

Lee was looking up at her. Sue pushed open the toilet door.

‘You don’t come in,’ he said.

‘What about wiping?’ she asked.

‘I can do that,’ he said. ‘I’m a big boy.’

It had only been weeks since he needed help. Was this what it was like having a child? You turn around and they’ve already changed, matured?

Poor Leigh. It wasn’t fair. No matter how hard Kent worked, how much he tried, Lee wouldn’t remember her. At best he’d mistake the stories he heard and the photographs he saw as actual memories. Leigh had seen Lee grow from a handful of cells to a pre-kindergartener in the confident knowledge that she would be there for him, that she would guide him. But she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t see him go to school, make genuine friends, or have a first kiss. She wouldn’t see the little boy become a man.

Lee threw his arms around Sue’s legs. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I was thinking about your mommy,’ she said, kneeling down. ‘She loved you very much. She would be very proud of you.’

Sue kissed his forehead. She never kissed him. There had been cuddles. There had been lots of cuddles. Kisses were new. Kisses were potentially complicated. She should never have…

Lee flung his arms around her shoulders. He kissed her cheek. 

‘I miss my mommy,’ he said.

‘I know,’ Sue said, rubbing his back.  

***

 Sue was finishing her coffee when her cell chimed. She frowned as she answered it.

‘Dan, what do you want?’

‘Where are you?’

‘The Java House,’ she said. ‘Why?’

‘Great. I’ll be there in a couple minutes,’ he said and terminated the call.

Lee looked up from his picture. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Dan is coming here and I don’t know why.’

‘Oh.’ He triumphantly held up the picture. ‘Finished!’

Sue leaned closer. ‘What’s this?’

‘That’s the sun and that’s a horse and that’s a cat and those are flowers.’

Sue nodded. ‘Is this your daddy?’

‘That’s a tree! _That’s_ daddy and that’s mommy and that’s me.’

She looked at the remaining splotchy shape. ‘Is that... a Teddy bear?’

Lee gave her an outraged look. ‘That’s you! See, you’ve got Rochester and you’re holding cookies.’

‘You drew a picture of me?’ she asked.

He nodded. ‘You keep it.’

‘I will,’ she said, wondering how to get it home without creasing or damaging it.

‘There’s the baby,’ Lee said. ‘She’s called Emily.’

Sue followed his gaze. Dan, baby in his arms, was just opening the door. She frowned as Dan stumbled over.

‘I’m not a babysitting service,’ she said.

His gaze flicked to Lee, who scowled.

‘Can you help with this diaper?’ Dan asked meekly.

‘Where’s Amy?’

‘At a spa thing with Sophie.’ He sat down uninvited. ‘If I gotta call and say I can’t look after the kid I’ll never hear the end of it.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘I know nothing about diapers.’

‘Come on, you’re looking after Kent junior here.’

‘He’s _four_ ,’ Sue said. ‘He doesn’t wear a diaper.’

‘I’m a big boy,’ Lee said, scowling.

Dan lowered his voice. ‘Sue, I’m begging you. You must know someone. It can’t be anyone from work.’

She crossed her legs. ‘Very well but it’ll cost you.’

***

Grace sucked her teeth. ‘Not a babysitter, eh?’

Sue folded her arms. ‘No. Just a friend.’

‘Then why is there a white boy covered in baby poop in my bathroom?’

‘Because I wasn’t going to clean his child,’ Sue said with a sniff.

They had taken off Emily’s onesie and found a quite astonishing amount of waste. Sue strongly suspected that Amy had fed the baby prunes before handing her over.

Grace sniffed. ‘He’s a pretty one at least.’

‘And he brought you a very large bottle of gin,’ Sue pointed out.

‘What about that one?’ Grace gestured with her glass or gin towards Lee.

He was watching her elderly parrot with fascination.

‘That’s Kent’s son, we’ve been baking. I’m taking him home shortly.’

Lee turned around at Kent’s name.

‘Would you like to say hello to my mother?’ Sue prompted. He hid behind her instead.

‘Shy little white boy, eh?’ Grace said. ‘Not the first to hide behind a black woman’s skirts.’

Lee tugged at Sue’s hand. ‘You’re not wearing a skirt,’ he whispered.

‘It’s a saying,’ Sue said, picking him up. ‘It just means you’re little and hiding behind me.’

‘I’m a big boy,’ he said, resting his head on her shoulder.

‘Where is your momma, little man?’ Grace asked.

‘My mommy died in a train accident,’ he mumbled.

Grace folded her arms. ‘Does your Daddy have a wife? A girlfriend?’

Lee shook his head. ‘You could be daddy’s girlfriend,’ he said to Sue.

‘Your daddy wants to concentrate on looking after you,’ Sue said after a moment.

Lee frowned. ‘That’s silly. Daddies can have girlfriends.’

There was a satisfied look in her mother’s eye that Sue didn’t care for at all. As they were leaving, Grace caught Sue’s arm.

‘You better make him marry you.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Sue hissed.

‘You love that little boy,’ Grace said. ‘Don’t try to deny it, I know you. You love him, so you better marry his father. You lose a man you, love, so what? There are many more. But a child? Difficult.’

Sue pulled her arm free. ‘You’re being ridiculous,’ she said.

***

‘Is she wrong?’ Meade asked.

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘Marrying someone because you like their child is an insane idea,’ she said.

‘Unusual,’ Meade said. 'Possibly unique. But is she mistaken in how you feel about Lee?’

‘I’m very fond on him,’ she admitted. She looked at her hands. ‘He drew a picture of me with his parents. I put it on my refrigerator.’

Meade smiled. ‘He thinks of you as part of his family.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘That’s a huge thing for a child,’ Meade said. ‘It’s a significant thing for an adult.’  

Sue crossed her legs. ‘I went to lunch with Doug’s sister. There are online commentators claiming that she is a man. That Kent and I are lovers. That the government is hushing up some kind of nuclear accident. She knows she’s not a man and she doesn’t believe that a nuclear accident could be so easily covered in the middle of a city.’

‘And the story about you and Kent?’

‘She’s not sure,’ Sue said quietly. ‘She hinted around it trying to spur a response.’

‘Hints such as what?’

Sue picked lint off her sleeve. ‘Doug would understand. He wouldn’t want me to be alone. That sort of thing.’

Meade made a note. ‘Do you agree?’

‘I don’t know.’ Sue clasped her hands together. ‘He once said that he felt bad for Kent: being in love and unable to express it without pushing me away. That doesn’t mean I would have his permission to dishonour his memory.’

‘You said he didn’t have a religious belief.’

‘No,’

‘Do you?’ he asked.

Sue shook her head. ‘You die. That’s it. You’re gone.’

Meade took a sip of water. ‘Kent has gone to some trouble to hold on to things of Leigh’s; her room, her belongings, and even her scent. He’s done it for her son rather than for himself, but the impulse is very common.’

‘If you say so.’

‘Is it possible that by struggling to deny your feelings for Kent you are trying to hold on to Doug?’

Sue stared at him. ‘Why wouldn’t I try to hold on to him?’

‘It’s not something you’ve ever suggested.’

‘I loved Doug,’ she said, her voice rising. ‘I would've done anything to protect him.’

‘But you couldn’t.’

‘That’s not my fault!’ she snapped. ‘It’s not fault! I’m not to blame! I couldn’t... I couldn’t do anything...’

Meade handed her the box of Kleenex as she wept.

***

Sue didn’t go to many official functions, and none since the accident. She had certainly never sat at the president’s table. This was quite an event. So, she bought a new evening dress and shoes, making sure that she booked time in the spa and an appointment at the hair salon.

‘You look beautiful,’ Lee said seriously. He was sat on the floor with his legs crossed.

Kent was upstairs changing into his evening dress. He had offered to drive so that Sue could have a drink of wine. Or four.

‘Thank you,’ Sue said to Lee. ‘Who is looking after you tonight?’

‘Nana and grandpa,’ he said cheerfully. ‘We’re going to watch a movie and eat popcorn. I want to watch _Frozen_.’

‘That sounds like fun.’

Lee chewed his lip. ‘You can watch.’

‘I have to go to this party but thank you for asking.’ She turned as the door opened and Kent walked in.

‘Wow,’ Lee said.

‘Thank you,’ Kent said to Lee. ‘You look beautiful,’ he said to Sue.

‘He beat you to it,’ she said with a smirk.

‘I thought I had at least fifteen years before that,’ Kent said, ruffling Lee’s hair.

Sue straightened Kent’s tie. ‘You look very handsome.’

Kent smiled. ‘Thank you.’

There was a brisk rap at the front door.

‘Nana!’ Lee squealed, scrambling towards the door.

‘You’re more charitable to them then I would be,’ Sue grumbled.

Kent shrugged. ‘They’ve lost their daughter,’ he said. ‘It’s devastating. Besides, keeping in touch is more for her and for Lee. He shouldn’t miss out on having a relationship with his grandparents just because I find them... irritating.’ He walked to the door and opened it.

Sue stood with her hands clasped together as everyone flooded into the living room.

‘Oh,’ Judith said. ‘Hello.’

‘Good evening,’ Sue said. ‘Well, we should be going.’

Kent squatted down to kiss Lee on the forehead. ‘Goodnight, sweetheart. Have fun with nana and grandpa. Say goodnight to Sue.’

Lee crawled over to Sue and wrapped his arms around her legs. ‘I don’t want you to go.’

‘KJ, we’ve come to spend the evening with you,’ Judith said. ‘Won’t that be fun?’

‘You and daddy can stay,’ Lee said.

‘No, honey,’ Sue said. ‘I can’t. But another time I can come and have a movie night with you if you like.’

‘Aww,’ Lee said.

‘Nana and grandpa have come all this way to spend time with you,’ Kent said. ‘So, give them a cuddle and say goodnight to both of us.’

Lee groaned and pulled himself to his feet. ‘Okay.’

Kent gave him a kiss and a hug. ‘I’ll see tomorrow.’

‘Love you, daddy,’ Lee said.

Kent closed his eyes for a moment as he pushed his face into Lee’s hair.

‘Love you, sweetheart.’

Lee flung his arms around Sue. ‘I love you, Sue!’

Sue swallowed and kissed his forehead. ‘I love you too,’ she promised. ‘I’ll see you soon.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

Kent stayed close to Sue as they walked into the hall. She appreciated the thought. She hadn’t been to an event of this kind since Christmas. She had been with Doug of course. He was always just a little uncomfortable at them, they weren’t his world. Kent was always relaxed at these things, or if not exactly relaxed then certainly not uneasy or tense. At one point Kent pulled her away from a lumbering guest who had pregamed his drinks by several hours, by sliding his arm across her back and putting his hand on her waist. He didn’t tug her toward him so much as gently suggest the movement. Kent had an odd physical grace. Not prissy or overly weak. Just careful and precise.

‘I think you only brought me here for mischief,’ he said.

She looked at him. ‘Yes. That’s it. Certainly not because I didn’t want to come alone.’

A smile twitched the corners of his mouth. ‘The merest suggestion never crossed my mind.’

He put his hand in the small of her back for the span of three heartbeats, nothing more. Anything more would have been too much. Too blatant. It was enough to know that he understood and that he was there.

They were seated at a table with the president, her husband, Speaker Marwood, the ambassador, his wife, and a selection of top aides. Obviously, Sue was not overawed by important people. She yelled at important people every day. She wasn’t nervous. Why would she be nervous?

Kent gave her hand a gentle squeeze. She bumped her knee against his.

She had never asked him how he thought about President Montez. Of course, she never asked him what he thought about Meyer either. She was quite aware that he was entirely proficient at being polite and courteous to people who were objectively loathsome.

Sue was there to eavesdrop on the ambassador’s private conversations, that had been made quite clear to her. She in turn had explained it to Kent, who was therefore chatting politely with the president’s husband, Alejandro, and the various aides.

‘… how did you get security clearance when you’re in a motorcycle gang?’ Candi asked. ‘They delayed mine because I was arrested for smoking a joint!’

Kent chuckled. ‘Motorcycle _club_ , it’s perfectly respectable. However, it’s mostly because drugs are a terrifying scourge that will make innocent women turn into screaming furies.’

‘No, no,’ Laura Montez said. ‘That is Tequila.’

Kent said something in Spanish and the president’s husband laughed. Montez hesitated and settled for an uncertain smile. Her terrible grasp of Spanish was notorious in congress. She was taking classes to improve it, but the change appeared negligible to Sue.

‘What did you say?’ Sue murmured to Kent.

‘That at my age women only scream in fury,’ he whispered.

Sue nudged him with her elbow. ‘Go out on a few dates and see.’

He groaned.

‘Is something wrong?’ an aide to the ambassador asked.

‘No,’ Kent said. ‘Mrs Wilson-Levinson was telling me I ought to date. I always wonder what it is about me that makes female friends tell me I need a partner.’

‘Because you say things like that,’ Sue said tartly. ‘You might as well wear a sign.’

‘Your girlfriend died in the crash, right?’ Candi asked, and immediately reddened when Montez and Marwood glared at her.

‘My son’s mother,’ Kent said. ‘Yes. I’m not sure it’s a good topic for dinner conversation’.

‘Perhaps Sue can set you up on a date with one of her friends,’ Montez said. There was a mischievous glint in her eye. ‘Or she could bite the bullet himself.’

‘Well –’

‘Kent isn’t dating while his son is a child,’ Sue said too quickly.

Montez shook her head. ‘Tchh, come now. Get the boy a new mama.’

Her husband nodded. ‘I couldn’t raise ours by myself.’

‘It’s not healthy to neglect your emotional needs in favour of your child,’ the ambassador said. ‘Breeds resentment.’

Kent sipped his wine. ‘My therapist said something very similar.’

‘I didn’t know you had a therapist.’ Sue said.

‘I’m full of surprises.’

***

‘I don’t dance,’ Kent said.

‘You don’t dance?’ Sue asked.

‘Nope.’

‘You do everything else,’ Sue said. ‘Why don’t you dance?’

They were almost alone at the table and the music was growing tempting.

‘I’m a terrible dancer,’ he said.

‘Nonsense, dancing is about rhythm, stamina, and grace. You’re good at sports so I know you have stamina, you’re good in bed so I know you have rhythm, and I only have to see you walk to know you have grace.’

He blinked at her. ‘I’m good in bed?’

She raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you denying it?’

‘Um. No.’

She stood up. ‘I love dancing,’ she said quietly. ‘Please?’

‘I’ll stand on your feet,’ he warned as he got up.

‘Just concentrate on me and you’ll be fine,’ she said, leading him to the dance floor.

‘It’s you that I’m concerned about,’ he said mildly.

Despite his claims, he took her in his arms easily enough, without any confusion or clumsiness. As they tentatively moved, she smelled his light, masculine cologne.

‘Did you call your mom?’ he asked.

‘Why would I do that?’

He smiled. ‘You worry about Rochester. It’s okay. I check up on Lee.’

‘Rochester is a dog,’ she said stiffly.

‘Doesn’t mean that you don’t worry,’ he said. ‘Especially if you’ve lost someone recently.’

‘He’s fine,’ Sue admitted. ‘My mom has decided on an early night, so they’re cuddled up in bed.’

‘Lucky Rochester,’ Kent said.

‘Behave,’ she said, smiling. ‘Were you serious about seeing a therapist?’

‘Sure,’ he said.

She was quiet for a moment. ‘I didn’t realise Leigh’s death had affected you so deeply.’

‘That wasn’t why,’ he said. ‘It was… difficult, but I’d been seeing Anika for some while before that.’

‘No?’

He shook his head. ‘I had some issues I wanted to deal with.’

Sue looked at him. ‘I know that tone.’

‘No tone.’

‘There’s a tone,’ she said, moving to avoid his feet. ‘It’s my fault, hmm?’

Kent shook his head. ‘There’s no fault, Sue. Just… you know what they say about true things being said in jest? Sometimes it’s the same with things said in anger.’

She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘And what did I say in anger that might have been true?’

He hesitated, thinking about denying it. ‘I’m not good in romantic relationships. I can get… over committed.’

Sue was quiet for a few seconds. ‘I said a lot of things that weren’t fair.’

Kent moved a little closer to her. ‘Harshly expressed perhaps but not without merit.’

‘You weren’t a stalker or obsessive,’ she said.

He sighed. ‘I was something.’

Sue looked into his eyes. ‘You were in love.’

She expected him to look away. He didn’t.

‘I was,’ he said quietly, keeping her gaze. ‘Very much. But I didn’t express it properly.’

Sue shook her head. ‘I didn’t help.’

‘Not much,’ he said, smiling. ‘I’m a grownup, Sue. I’m responsible for my own actions and my own mistakes.’

She licked her lips. ‘Have you forgiven me?’

His hand rubbed her back. ‘There was nothing to forgive,’ he said.

She briefly touched his forehead against his. ‘I made mistakes.’

He closed his eyes. ‘We all do,’ he said softly.   

Sue looked at the fine dark eyelashes framing his eyes. ‘Kent?’

‘Yes?’

‘Forgive me anyway?’

Kent gave a smile she hadn’t seen before; sweet and sad. ‘Okay. I forgive you.’

‘I forgave you,’ she said.

‘When?’

‘Oh, not for months.’

He chuckled. ‘Only months? It felt like longer.’

‘But I did forgive you,’ she said.  

Kent sighed, and she felt his breath on her cheek.

‘I know,’ he said.’

***

They were heading towards the exit doors when Candi slid up beside Kent. Sue scowled. Kent narrowed his eyes slightly and gave Candi a polite nod.

‘Hi,’ she said.

‘Hello,’ he said warily.

‘Could the president maybe borrow you for like… five minutes?’ Candi asked.

Kent put his hands in his pockets. ‘I’ve been sat opposite the president all night.’

‘This is a quiet chat,’ she said. ‘You know how it works.’

Kent looked at Sue.

‘I have no idea,’ she said.

‘Not what I was asking.’

Sue adjusted her shawl. ‘Five minutes.’

‘I’m her ride home,’ Kent said to Candi.

She smiled too brightly. ‘Oh, that’s nice.’

Sue watched him walk away with Candi. She should have known there was an ulterior motive for POTUS suggesting she bring Kent. Kent had probably suspected, although she didn’t blame him. He hadn’t made any attempt to leverage her position in the West Wing to help his clients, and there must have been pressure on him to do so. They hadn’t discussed it, but she thought they had an unspoken understanding to separate work from… from whatever it was that they had.

Friendship. That was one thing that they had. They could talk about almost anything. They supported each other without thinking about cost.

She got a tiny thrill or excitement when he touched her. She imagined him following through when he looked at her mouth. She imagined him doing more than imagining.

‘Are you leaving?’ Alejandro Montez asked.

‘Yes, I’m just waiting for Kent,' she said.

‘I’m glad you came,’ he said. ‘When Maria died I didn’t leave my room for weeks.’

Sue blinked, suddenly focussing on the man she usually regarded as a presidential appendage. ‘Maria?’

He waved his hand. ‘Before I met Laura. We were young, only seventeen. Too young to be in love.’

‘What happened?’

‘A car accident,’ he said. ‘A drunk driver blew through a stop sign straight into her side of the car.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she said automatically.

Alejandro shrugged. ‘People try, but they don’t really understand what it’s like. How difficult it can be just to get up in the morning. They say there, there, for a few months and then they become impatient.’

Sue nodded. She clasped her hands together. ‘May I ask how long it took for... things to be better?’

Alejandro gave a little hand waggle. ‘Better... a few months. Good enough to walk around and talk and feel more human.’ He smiled. 'Enough to fool other people!’

Sue nodded. ‘I’m familiar with the impulse.’

He gestured towards the doors. ‘Kent’s partner was also on the train?’

‘Former partner,’ Sue said quietly. ‘He’s obviously shaken but his priority is Lee. Lee’s very young.’

Alejandro was thoughtful for a moment. ‘When I began to leave my room there were people who offered me… comfort. You understand.’

She nodded.

‘Yet when I was comforted I was accused of being uncaring, sometimes by people who had offered me comfort. I married Laura a year after Maria died,’ Alejandro said. ‘I thought about Marie most days.’ He sighed. ‘Her family thought I had forgotten her. That I no longer cared.’

Sue shifted uncomfortably. ‘You can’t grieve forever.’

‘Well, you do,’ he said. ‘But it recedes. They recede, but they don’t disappear, they’re always with you. You move on without abandoning them.’

A movement from the corner of her eye made her turn around. Kent was returning. There was a tight set to his jaw that made her uneasy.

‘Goodnight, Sue,’ Alejandro said. ‘Thank you for coming.’

She nodded. ‘Goodnight.’

She waited until she and Kent were in the car before she asked. He was gripping the steering wheel.

‘Are you going to tell me?’ she asked.

‘It was suggested that the public, or the tinfoil hat wearing section, would like to know that two partners of victims of the accident were having a torrid affair. Perhaps it was going on before the accident. Perhaps Leigh and Doug were having an affair. Perhaps Lee isn’t my son. The sky’s the limit with this sort of nonsense.’

‘It’s bullshit and they can’t prove any of it.’

‘They don’t have to. The idea is to threaten to stir up the conspiracy theorists to make our lives, our families lives, miserable.’

Sue gritted her teeth. ‘Because of the inquiry.’

‘Because you’re pressuring them to follow inquiry recommendations and refusing to toe the party line,’ Kent said sourly. ‘There’s a lot of money at stake.’ He glanced at her. ‘I’m afraid you will probably wish to seek alternative employment. I fear that we are burning bridges.’

She hesitated. ‘How?’

He gave a stiff shrug. ‘Threats are one thing. Proof is another.’

‘Proof?’

‘I recorded the conversation,’ he said. ‘I record all my meetings now.’

Sue crossed her legs. ‘You recorded the President of the United States threatening to launch an illegal disinformation attack against an employee, an adult member of the public, and a small child?’

‘Marwood did most of the talking,’ he said. ‘But she said enough to establish her complicity.’

‘Oh my,’ she said. ‘Do they know?’

‘Not yet.’ He glanced at her. ‘I wanted to check with you.’

She ran her thumb along the edge of the seat belt. ‘Why didn’t they say this to me?’

‘They think I'm easier to deal with,’ he sneered.

‘Because I’m a woman.’

‘And because they imagine I’m not actually as invested in seeing Leigh’s death properly investigated.’

She gritted her teeth. ‘You can’t allow them to threaten Lee.’

Kent glanced at her. ‘I have no intention of it,’ he said. ‘I need to check the recording.’

‘Why?’

‘If they mention your threat then we can’t expose them without exposing you,’ he said. He shook his head. ‘I don’t think they did. I think they just talked about you being... intransigent.’

Sue nodded. She rested her hand on his knee. ‘I don’t want them attacking Lee. We’re adults. We can look after ourselves. We have to protect Lee. We have to protect Leigh’s memory and our reputations for him.’

‘I know,’ he said, giving a look she’d not seen from him before.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

‘Don’t be. This isn’t your fault.’

He parked by her house and got out of the car to open the door for her. Then he walked her to the door.

‘Thank you,’ she said quietly.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, touching her hand.

‘I’m sorry that this happened. We were having such a nice evening before this idiotic nonsense.’

Kent cupped his hand to her cheek. ‘We’ll fix this. I promise.’

She nodded. ‘I know. I trust you.’

Kent kissed her gently. She closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss.

‘I’ll call tomorrow,’ he murmured.

‘Okay,’ she said, feeling his breath against his cheek. ‘I had a nice time despite everything.’

She felt his lips pull into a smile.

‘Me too,’ he said. ‘Have a great night. Sue.’

***

It was almost worth the whole mess just to see Dr Meade’s face.

‘Can they do that?’ he asked.

‘It’s politics,’ Sue said, much more calmly than she felt. ‘Playing fair doesn’t come into it.’

Meade ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Are you in danger?’

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘You’ve been watching too many movies,’ she said. ‘The real world doesn’t work like that. Gossip, yes. Leaks, yes. Assassinations, no.’

‘What are you going to do?’

She crossed her legs. ‘Kent has made copies. He’s sending one to Speaker Marwood.’

‘Not the press?’

She shook her head. ‘We aren’t trying to bring down the president, just see justice done.’

Meade made a note. ‘A stressful event like this, an attack almost, is the sort of thing that can push people apart.’

Sue played with her button. ‘Perhaps, but that’s not happening. Kent doesn’t blame me, and I trust him to deal with it.’

‘How did you leave things last night?’

She paused for a couple of seconds. ‘We kissed. It was nice.’ She frowned. ‘Why are you smiling?’

‘No caveats,’ he said. ‘That’s a first for you.’

‘I don’t know what he’s doing,’ she said. ‘He hasn’t said anything to suggest he’s changed his mind about dating.’

‘You’ve kissed several times,’ Meade said. ‘You’ve been flirting for weeks. He’s trusted you to care for his son. Perhaps he thinks that telling you verbally is redundant.’

She chewed her lip. ‘I hope that’s the case.’

‘When will you see Kent again? ‘he asked.

‘Tomorrow,’ she said. ‘Lee asked me to help him get something for Fathers’ Day. I’ve arranged for them to go to see the Orioles play. Kent enjoys baseball and it will be Lee’s first game.’

‘All I get from my kids is cologne or ties,’ Meade said.

‘It’s the first Father’s Day since the accident,’ Sue said. ‘Things have been difficult. Lee specifically wanted to do something with Kent, to spend time together.’ Sue brushed off her skirt. ‘When you work in the West Wing tickets are easy to come by.’ She pursed her lips. ‘I do still work there, at least for now.’

‘It will be a long day for a small child.’

‘Will it?’ Sue asked. ‘Sports bore me. No matter. Kent is a good father. He wouldn’t keep Lee out too long.’

Meade made a note. ‘All parents make mistakes, Sue. If you’re going to be a parent you need to know that. For Kent’s sake, for your own sake, and for Lee’s sake.’

She blinked at him. ‘I don’t think that I’m going to… I wouldn’t try to replace…’

Meade shook his head. ‘Sue, this can’t be a surprise to you,’ he said gently. ‘You know that Kent and Lee are a package deal. Tell me, if you didn’t care for Lee, if he didn’t care for you, would Kent ever consider you more than a friend?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘He wouldn’t.’

 


	16. Chapter 16

Amy’s house was chaotic. There were piles of dishes in the sink, take-out containers strewn across the couch, and clothes on the floor. Amy had baby food in her hair. Dan has something staining his silk tie. Sue had no desire to speculate what it might be.

‘The nanny quit,’ Dan said.

‘You shouldn’t have slept with her,’ Amy said.

‘You shouldn’t have hired a twenty-four-year-old Brazilian, he retorted.

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘I was going to ask you out to brunch,’ she said to Amy. ‘Perhaps I’ll take Emily. She appears to be the most collected member of the family.’

‘Ten minutes,’ Amy said urgently. ‘Give me ten minutes and I will go to brunch, lunch, dinner, and cocktails if you want.’

‘I don’t think that’s quite necessary,’ Sue said dryly.

Amy handed Sue the baby and ran off to get changed. Dan picked up a bundle of clothes.

‘Coffee?’ he asked.

‘Yes please.’

Dan cocked his head. ‘Never thought I’d see you look okay holding a baby.’

‘I’m not,’ she said, following him into the kitchen. ‘However, children are like any other wild animal: they attack if they smell fear.’

Dan grinned. ‘I’ll have to remember that one.’ He threw the clothes in the washer and turned it on. ‘What was I doing?’

‘Coffee.’

‘Coffee, right.’ He filled up the coffee machine and turned it on. Then he took Emily from Sue and put her in the cot. ‘You didn’t go to the baseball? Lee’s been chattering about it all week.’

‘You know Lee?’ Sue asked.

Dan rolled his eyes. ‘We have a creche at work. Although for a while there he had to be in the room with Kent.’

Sue winced. ‘When Leigh died?’

Dan nodded. ‘But he’s a tough kid. Doesn’t like me at all and I’m normally great with kids.’

‘He has good judgement then.’ Sue said tartly.

Dan scratched his scalp. ‘You know Kent’s got some of Lee’s drawings on the wall behind his desk.’

‘That’s not surprising,’ Sue said.

‘You’re in most of them,’ Dan said. ‘Like father like son.’

Sue folded her arms. ‘Did you know his mother?’

Dan poured two cups of coffee. ‘I fired her that time.’ He shrugged. ‘And she gave me the hell of all dressings down at the Christmas party when I made some crack about her and Kent.’ He shrugged. ‘She was all about making sure Lee had the best options. I think she’d have just about done anything for him.’

‘Would you write that down? So he can read it when he’s old enough.’

Dan shrugged. ‘You don’t think he’ll get confused if people keep telling him about her while you’re on the scene?’

‘No,’ Sue said. ‘We’ll make it work.’

***

Amy sat back in her chair and closed her eyes as she sipped her mimosa. ‘I needed this so fucking much,’ she sighed.

‘No alcohol in the house?’

‘Not around Emily.’ She pulled a face. ‘When I get drunk I do stupid things, like fucking Dan.’

Sue sipped her orange juice. ‘You’re not together?’

‘No, Jesus. I’m not a complete idiot.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Just a partial idiot.’

Sue crossed her legs. ‘Kent and Leigh seemed quite successfully to care for a child together while not romantically entwined.’

Amy snorted. ‘Kent wouldn’t fuck the nanny.’

‘Did they have one?’

Amy shook her head. ‘Leigh took months to chill out about Kent being involved. No way she would have agreed to a nanny.’

‘I didn’t know that,’ Sue said uneasily. ‘I got the impression it was quite smooth.’

‘It was a fucking mess,’ Amy said. ‘Child services were acting like she was a child killer. If Kent hadn’t stepped up they would have yanked the kid into care.’

Sue stared at her. ‘You’re not serious.’

Amy scowled at her. ‘I have a baby. I wouldn’t joke about hers getting taken away.’

‘I was given the impression that Leigh was a devoted mother.’

Amy nodded. ‘Yeah, she was, but between post-partum depression and the scalding, and her parents trying to get her move back home so they could look after her, it’s no fucking wonder that her head was spinning.’

‘When was this?’ Sue asked.

‘Jesus, two years ago? A little longer? He was walking a little.’ Amy shrugged. ‘It worked out. Kent got official custody while we got her a great doctor to deal with the depression. Ben found her a job she could commute to. They moved in with Kent. She got granted custody again.’ Amy waved her hands. ‘Ta-da. All sorted.’

‘Kent didn’t tell me,’ Sue said.

Amy snorted. ‘Why the fuck would he? It was a couple months of absolute fucking misery and like two years of everything working smooth and simple. When we get all the crap sorted out, so I’m not covered in spit-up constantly, you can bet your life I’m gonna pretend these past few months never happened.’

The waiter brought their food. Sue checked her cell.

‘Where are they anyhow?’ Amy asked.

‘They’ve gone to Baltimore for a baseball game.’ Sue frowned. ‘I expected Kent to text when they arrived. I asked him to,’

Amy shrugged. ‘They go on the train?’

Sue shuddered. ‘No. Lee is terrified of them and I don’t blame him. Kent drove them.’

‘It’s probably nothing,’ Amy said. ‘Did I tell what everyone is saying about Chung?’

***

Sue took Rochester for a run in the park. It was good for them both to get out. Clear the cobwebs from her head. Kent hadn’t returned her texts and she was trying not to worry. He was probably busy with Lee, that was all. It was likely loud, and he might not be able to hear his cell.

There were families in the park, and couples. She didn’t used to think twice about being alone along with the happily or unhappily coupled. She wasn’t sure now whose presence she was missing. Doug was still a pressing loss, his void now a tiny bit less all encompassing, but the warmth of Kent was closer. His presence was more immediate than Doug’s absence. She wasn’t forgetting Doug. She still looked at his picture every day.

A pair of young girls ran past, chasing a dog. Sue watched them and their parents. She had never wanted children. She hadn’t liked children even when she was a child. They were a huge responsibility and for what? Children took and took.

And yet.

She still had Lee’s painting of her up on her refrigerator. What had begun as taking him to a baking class once a month had extended to having breakfast with Kent and him before and lunch with Lee afterwards. Sometimes she took him shopping for books or toys. When she took him back home, Kent would greet her with a hug that was too long and too close for friends.

Sometimes she heard him smell her hair.

Sometimes she smelled his skin.

She checked her cell again. She would never be his priority. That was Lee, that would always be Lee. There was a time when that would have been intolerable. Now it felt completely normal. Unremarkable.

Still no reply. He should have arrived hours ago.

Her cell chimed. She started and nearly dropped it. Rochester sat at her feet expectantly. Sue threw the ball.

She had a text... but from Ben.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEWS?

News? What news? She texted Ben back. She checked the news app on her phone. She checked Twitter. Nothing trending seemed relevant.

BEEN A BIG CRASH ON THE INTERSTATE. NEWS IS REPORTING A MAN AND KID DEAD. HAVE YOU HEARD FROM KENT?

***

Sue had the cell held between her ear and shoulder as she restlessly paced the room. The game should’ve finished an hour ago. Why wasn’t he answering her calls? Why wasn’t he answering her god damn texts?

‘Hello? I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,’ the clerk said. ‘We haven’t identified the deceased yet but when we have –’

‘Thank you,’ Sue gritted out and thumbed off the phone. She threw it at the couch. ‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’

They were going to be fine. It was going to be nothing. She was worrying unnecessarily.

Her cell rang. She snatched up the phone. A landline number. Who the fuck still had landlines in this day and age?

‘What?’ she demanded.

‘Sue, it’s Kent, I have a lot of missed –’

‘Where the fuck have you been? I have been worried sick, you fucking asshole!’

‘I…I…Are you okay?’

She sank to her knees. ‘Do I sound okay you fucking… You… You scared me… You bastard.’

When he spoke his voice was soft, but it cut through the pounding of her blood. ‘I’m on my way over.’

‘No. No.’ Sue scrubbed her eyes with her palm. ‘I’ll… I’ll come to you.’

‘Don’t drive. I’ll send an Uber,’ he said. ‘Okay?’

She pressed her hand to her forehead. ‘Okay. Okay.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly.

‘Shut up, you idiot, you don’t even know why I’m angry,’ she gulped, and turned off the cell.

***

Sue took a breath as she marched up the path to Kent’s door. Her eyes were sore and felt swollen. She fished a Kleenex from her purse and blew her nose.

She didn’t knock but let herself in, stumbling through the door. Their jackets were on the coat hooks and their shoes were on the rack. She could hear the burble of the television and the distant clatter of dishes. It was all so… normal.

Rochester bounded past her into the living room. She heard Lee squeal in delight.

She walked though into the living room. Lee was on the floor, playing with Rochester.

‘Sue.’

Kent was in the kitchen doorway. He stepped back as Sue walked over. She walked into the kitchen and closed the door behind her.

‘Sue, I’m sorry I –’

‘There was a pile up,’ Sue said, cutting across with him without looking at him. ‘On the interstate. A man and a boy were killed, Kent, and you weren’t answering your cell!’

He sighed softly. ‘I forgot my charger and the battery ran out,’ he said.

She thumped his chest with the flat of her hand. ‘I thought you were dead!’

‘Keep your voice down.’ Kent caught her hand and pulled her close. He wrapped his arms around her. ‘Are you okay?’

‘No,’ she muttered. ‘I’m really pissed at you.’

He rubbed her back. ‘Yeah, I would be too.’ He kissed her cheek. ‘Stay for the movie?’

She looked up at him. ‘What’re you watching?’

‘What do you care?’ he asked. ‘You hate movies.’

Sue scowled at him. ‘Shut up. I’m showing interest.’

‘ _Captain Underpants_.’

‘What?’ she asked, waiting for a punchline that didn’t arrive.

‘The movie is called _Captain Underpants_ , children appear to find it hilarious,’ he said sheepishly. ‘After that I was thinking of watching _Casablanca._ ’

‘Depressing,’ she said. ‘Put on something with a happy ending.’

He thought about it. ‘ _Jurassic Park_?’

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘How do you get from _Casablanca_ to _Jurassic Park_?’

Kent shrugged. ‘Date movies. Doomed romance and scary are always good,’ he said. ‘Additionally, I might _possibly_ have a little crush on Jeff Goldblum.’

She struggled not to grin. ‘That just shows good taste.’ She licked her lips. ‘Is this a date?’

 ‘Not yet,’ Kent said. ‘But I’m hopeful.’

The kitchen door opened, and Lee flung himself in.

‘Hi Sue!’ He threw his arms around her legs. ‘I got you presents! Daddy! Daddy! Show Sue the presents!’

'They're in the living room,' Kent said. 'Why don't you get them, Lee?'  He turned to Sue as Lee ran out. ‘He might not make it all the way through the movie.’

‘He’s very excited,’ she said. ‘Is he likely to cry?’

He nodded. ‘Tired plus excited tends to create tears.’

She clasped her hands together. ‘Did he have a good time?’

He smiled. ‘I think so.’ He brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. ‘Thank you.’

Lee returned, hands behind his back, beaming.

‘I chose them,’ he said. ‘Both of them!’

‘We’d both like you to know that,’ Kent said dryly.

Sue flashed him a look. ‘I’m sure they're lovely, whatever they are.’

Lee thrust two boxes at her.

She knelt down to take them and look at them both: a bobble-head baseball player and a novelty number plate with “Sue” on it.

‘It’s your name! It’s your name!’

‘These are excellent,’ Sue said. ‘That you so much. I will cherish them.’

She kissed Lee's cheek and he bounced back out to the living room.

‘He’s crazy about you,’ Kent said. His tone was warm but there was a touch of anxiety in his voice.

Sue stood up and looked at him. ‘I’m crazy about Lee.’

His eyes scanned her face. ‘I just… I want to make sure we’re on the same page.’

She put her palm to his cheek. ‘I think we are. You are a package deal, as Dr Meade would have it, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.’

He put his hand over hers. There was a quiet, pregnant moment before he spoke.

‘You talk about me to your therapist?’ he asked, smiling.

Sue rolled her eyes as she dropped her hand. ‘You may have come up in a discussion. Once. Casually.’

He smiled. ‘Ah. I wonder if your therapist knows my therapist.’

Sue tilted her head. ‘Did yours persuade you to begin dating again?’

‘Not persuade,’ he said. ‘Suggest that I was already emotionally and emotionally invested. She also suggested that an arbitrary and artificial barrier against dating would hurt myself and perhaps Lee.’

‘A wise woman,’ Sue said. She kissed him softly. ‘Shall we watch the underwear movie?’

‘ _Captain Underpants._ ’

She shook her head. ‘The things I’ve done for you.’

***

Sue lay back against Kent. He stroked his hand along her arm, his palm and fingertips sliding along her skin. It raised goose bumps, but she wasn’t cold. It was a charged gesture, one that made her shiver pleasurably, but not one that was overtly sexual.

They were lay on the couch. Kent’s cats were sprawled across their legs. Lee was sat on the floor, his attention torn between Rochester and the television. Sue wasn’t watching the movie, although every now and then some scene or dialogue caught her attention. She occasionally checked her cell or chatted quietly to Kent. It was one of the nicest evenings that she’d had in a while.

Lee yawned hugely and stretched.

‘Maybe you should have an early night,’ Kent suggested.

‘Nooo,’ he moaned. ‘I’m not tired.’ He looked back at them. An uncertain and troubled look passed across his face.

‘Lee, are you okay?’ Sue asked.

‘Yeah,’ he mumbled. He buried his face in Rochester’s fur.

Kent gently moved past Sue and went to sit with Lee. He put his arm around Lee’s shoulder.

‘Hey, Lee.’

‘Hi, Daddy.’

Kent stroked his back. ‘Are you upset that Sue and I were having a cuddle?’

Lee shook his head.

‘Are you sure?’

Lee leaned against him. ‘Sue your girlfriend now?’

Kent glanced back at her. She sat up.

‘Nearly. Soon I hope,’ Kent said. ‘Is that okay with you?’  

Lee nodded.

Kent kissed his forehead. ‘You’re tired, aren’t you? Let’s get you to bed.’

***

While Kent was upstairs putting Lee to bed, Sue took the dirty dishes into the kitchen and washed up. Rochester had followed Lee and Kent upstairs. He was beginning to act like he lived there.

Mary climbed up on the counter and watched Sue as she worked. Sue dried her hands and held one out to the cat. She expected Mary to sniff it suspiciously. Instead she rubbed up against Sue’s hand, purring as Sue scratched the scruff of her neck.

‘You’re supposed to be cold and aloof,’ Sue said. ‘Are stereotypes not good for anything?’

Mary blinked her eyes at Sue slowly.

‘Strange animal,’ Sue said.

‘Was she blinking at you?’ Kent asked, walking into the kitchen. ‘They call it a cat kiss.’

She looked at Mary. ‘You are an outrageous flirt.’

‘I can’t blame her for trying.’ Kent took a towel and dried her hands. ‘You didn’t have to do the dishes.’

Sue looked at him. ‘Guests don’t have to do the dishes. Am I a guest, Kent?’

He put his hands on the counter on either side of her. ‘I hope not.’

She smiled as he leaned in to kiss her. It was still gentle and cautious, but now warmer, and more hopeful.

‘I’m not sure I want to watch a movie,’ she murmured.

Kent rested his forehead against hers. ‘Darn. I was relying on one to woo you into bed.’

Sue licked her lips. ‘You could just ask me.’

He thought about it. ‘Hmm. Scary.’

‘Why?’

‘You might say no,’ he said quietly.

Sue nodded. ‘I suppose you’ll have to risk it.’

Kent chuckled. ‘That’s not quite the reassurance I was hoping for.’

‘I don’t want you to think that I’m easy,’ she said. ‘You’ll respect me more if you have to work at it.’

He smiled. ‘You think I could respect you more?’

She pushed her fingers through his hair. ‘I think you could respect me less.’

Kent nodded. He touched the back of her hand. ‘Stay the night?’

‘Is that an order?’

‘You’re deliberately making this very difficult,’ he said mildly.

Sue pursed her lips. ‘It’s important. It has to be right, for both of us.’

Kent was quite for a moment. ‘You’re right.’ He straightened his shoulders. ‘Sue, would you stay the night? Stay the night with me.’

She kissed him. ‘I was beginning to fear that you’d never ask.’

***

Kent dimmed the bedroom light. Sue drew the drapes.

‘Is Lee a heavy sleeper?’ she asked.

‘Once he’s asleep you could play the drums in his room and he wouldn’t wake up.’

Sue shook out her hair. ‘Like father, like son.’

Kent shut the bedroom door. ‘Is Rochester going to be okay in Lee’s room?’

‘I think he likes Lee better,’ Sue said wryly. She unbuttoned her blouse.

Kent walked over. He slipped his hands onto Sue’s waist and pulled her close.

‘I like you better than Rochester,’ he murmured. ‘Does that help?’

‘More than you know.’

***

His eyes were black in the dim light, but they were gentle. Sue straddled his lap and leaned in to kiss him. His hands spanned the width of her back.

‘You sure you don’t want to put some more clothes on,’ he murmured into her mouth.

‘I’m undressed, aren’t I?’

‘Hmm.’ He rubbed her back in slow circles. ‘You’re thinking about putting on a bra, aren’t you? A little silky slip, maybe?’

Sue slid his hands around to her breasts. ‘Are you?’

‘I’m thinking that you’ve never looked more beautiful.’

She smiled against his mouth. ‘You’re a romantic.’

Kent stroked his thumbs in slow circles. ‘You’re a cynic.’

She leaned back. ‘Kiss my neck.’

‘Is that my order?’ He murmured, nuzzling the delicate skin at the pit of her throat.

‘Please.’ She tangled her fingers in his hair. ‘That’s good,’ she sighed.

He kissed up towards her jawline. She felt him against her belly.

‘You ready?’ she asked.

‘Mmm.’ Kent was at her ear, dropping tiny kisses around the shell. ‘I can wait.’

She shifted up, positioning herself over him. ‘I can’t.’

***

Sue rolled onto her side. She stretched out in a leisurely manner and opened her eyes.

Wide blue eyes looked at her.

‘Did you have a sleepover?’ Lee asked.

Sue pulled the covers around herself. ‘Yes.’

‘Why in daddy’s room?’ he asked, leaning on the bed.

‘Um.’ Sue rubbed her face.

‘Daddy lets me sleep in his bed when I have a bad dream.’

She nodded. ‘A bad dream. Yes.’

Lee clambered onto the bed next to Sue and lay down. ‘It’s Sunday?’

Sue rubbed her eye. ‘Yes, it is.’

‘Daddy lets me have a donut for breakfast on Sundays.’

‘I remember.’ Sue brushed the hair out of his eyes. ‘I’ll take you to get donuts, but don’t wake your father.’

Lee’s eyes widened. ‘Is daddy sick?’

‘No, no, he’s just tired,’ Sue said, smirking. ‘He had a busy night.’

‘Oh.’ Lee looked at her blankly. ‘We get donuts?’

‘I have to get ready first.’

‘Aww,’ he moaned.

She flicked his nose. ‘Wait outside.’

He gave her a baffled look. ‘Why?’

Sue sat up, keeping the covers underneath her chin. ‘I need to put on some clothes before I shower.’

His nose wrinkled up in disbelief. ‘Put clothes on to shower?’

Sue groaned softly. ‘Lee, I don’t have any clothes on. You didn’t see your mommy with no clothes on, did you?’

‘Yes.’

She rubbed her eyes with her hand. ‘Would you go downstairs and get a… pillow from the couch?’

‘Okay!’

As soon as he ran from the room she got up and pulled on Kent’s robe.

‘Pillow, huh?’ Kent mumbled.

‘How long have you been awake?’

‘Not awake.’

She leaned over to kiss him. He smiled but didn’t open his eyes.

‘Want me to get up?’ he asked.

‘Nope. You rest. It was a long night.’

He sniggered. ‘A long, hard… night.’

‘Behave,’ she said. ‘And catch up on your beauty sleep.’

***

She’d never taken both Lee and Rochester out somewhere at the same time before. Lee was in high spirits, singing some random string of words together to the tune of _Yellow Submarine_. Rochester was wagging his tail constantly as he trotted alongside her. If one or both of them decided to misbehave she would struggle to contain the situation.

Lee danced along the sidewalk, happily holding her hand, and chattering about the baseball game.

As they were about to enter the bakery, her cell rang. Rochester whimpered at being tied up outside, so Lee gave him a hug.

‘It’s okay, puppy. Be right back!’

‘Sue Wilson-Levinson,’ she said. The number wasn’t one she had saved in the phone memory, but it was familiar.

‘Hold for Speaker Marwood.’

Sue gave Rochester a pat and towed Lee into the bakery. Marwood on a weekend. This had better be good.

***

‘Daddy!’ Lee bellowed, scrambling up the stairs.

Sue shook her head. So much for letting Kent sleep. She brewed two coffees and poured a cup of milk for Lee in his superhero plastic cup. Then she carried everything upstairs on a tray.

As she entered the bedroom, Rochester jumped onto the bed, sprawling across Kent’s legs. Lee was already under the covers, leaning against Kent’s chest.

‘We never had breakfast in bed when I was a child,’ Sue said. ‘Certainly not with my parents.’

Kent shrugged. ‘Do it now. We’ll all eat donuts in bed and be dreadfully decadent.’

‘You think I won’t,’ she said, handing him a coffee.

‘I hope you will.’

She scowled at him playfully. He smiled at her.

‘Get in bed!’ Lee begged.

‘Since you ask so politely.’ She peeled back the covers and got into bed, moving up against Kent.

Kent opened the box of donuts.

‘Marwood called,’ Sue said, watching Kent.

‘Oh?’

Sue accepted her donut and took a bite. ‘They asked me to head up the committee implementing the inquiry findings. There will be some other representatives of the bereaved families, but I’ll be in charge.’

He took a bite of his donut. ‘How do you feel about that?’

‘Suspicious. Whose idea was it?’

‘Ben’s,’ Kent said. ‘He pointed out that the kind of root and branch changes that will be necessary might take years. Possibly longer than any specific administration. If it’s handled by an administration, then it will be subject to political whims and biases. If it’s handled independently than there can be continuity.’

‘Would it bother you?’ she asked.

‘It’s mostly meetings, you’ll probably have a couple a month at most.’

Sue leaned against him. ‘Does it bother you that I might spend years doing this? For Doug.’

He touched her cheek and turned her to face him. ‘For Doug. For Leigh. For everyone else. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. If you need to do this, then do it. But don’t do it because you think you have to or because you think you owe it.’

‘I don’t.’

She lay back against him, feeling the warmth of his body through his clothes. She sipped her coffee and ate her donuts. Their body warmth mingled. Their scents. A quiet moment free from the world.

Lee stretched forward to pat Rochester and then leaned back against them both. The little boy gave a loud, happy sigh.

‘This is nice,’ he said.

Sue smiled. ‘Yes, it is.’

The End.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
